Hank: Good morning John, I just got back home to Missoula! Ooh, from tour. And I thought it might be interesting to share with you one full day in the life of the tour, what it's like on the road. So here we go:

Step 1 - Wake up stupid early in the morning.
Step 2 - Put on your awesome new belt buckle.
Step 3 - Everything, no matter how disgusting, goes in one bag.
Step 3 - Van Tetris.
Step 6 - Go exploring.
Step 9 - Breakfast.
Step 9.5 - Car breakfast. Keeps going.

Steps 10 through 800 is sit in the van. Andrew's in there somewhere.
What? Hi Paul!  
[All singing] She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.

This is the part of the day where we try to get Ethiopian food, but it's closed. And now we're in a parking lot and it's a thousand degrees Kelvin. And now I have to pee!

Step Threeve - Arrive at the venue and comment on how it's different from other venues you've played at.

So they haven't been like this for the most part. I mean, I don't want to tell you what kind of bathrooms I've been spending time in, but they're not like this one. You get a riser today.

Rob: Yeah, I get to be really really high up.

Hank: Nice.

[Rob plays guitar]

Hank: That was the part where Rob Scallon plays me a personal concert. So I missed the step where we load everything into the venue. I feel bad about that. I don't know where I was. I had to do something? I was on a phone call.

Step 32 - Set up the merch stand.

Step 35 - Gimme my VIP bracelet! 

Sam: These aren't just made out of paper, these are made out of solid gold and platinum. 

Hank: What are the sparkles made of?

Sam: Splatinum!

Hank: This is the green room, which is purple here. You can tell this is a nice green room because I have not seen a single piece of pornographic graffiti.

Step 92 - Tune your guitar.

What are we doing now?!

Craig: INTERNET!

Joe: [Singing] 'Baby baby when you touch me like this'

Hank: [Singing] -about what lies beneath these clothes just by looking at me-

Step 63 - Fog machine. Whoa yeah.

Step negative 8 - Dinner.

Step 801 - Meet friends.

Michael: Hi!

Step 4 - Make your set lists.

Step 5 - Paul takes off his shirt.

Step 25 - Pee. A bunch of different times before we go onstage.

This is the part I hate the most is the waiting to go onstage.

Driftless Pony Club just finished. I can tell because of how wet Sam is. 

Huddle up. Huddle up. 

Joe: Alright, goop on three. Goop.

Part 83 - Do your hair in your camera before you go onstage.

Part 84 - Go onstage.

I forgot the run of show. I don't go onstage yet. [music and cheers]

Part 6,082 - Finish the show.

Ah! Oh, that's nice! Ah! Whoo!

Part 8 million - I'm going out to sign and take pictures with people.

Step 94 - Get to the hotel, realize that you're starving, and try and figure out a place to eat.

Step 98 - Goof around.

Step 93 - Second dinners!

We just taught Andrew how to take off his VIP wrist bracelet, during which process he karate chopped his beer onto me.

Step 2 - Fall asleep in the van again.

Step thirty toof - Go to bed and do it all over again in the morning.

John, I'll see you on Tuesday.