Hello and welcome to Hank Green plays Por - woah, woah, mouse, chill out there, buddy. Thank you. I'm playing Portal 2, that's what I was trying to tell you, is that I'm playing Portal 2. So here I am, I'm on a thing and I need to get up there, and I haven't figured out how to do it yet, but that's all part of the experience with Portal, you know, frustration if you don't get - so I definitely have to start up here, so let's go back here. If you're not frustrated then how do you get excited about the future and how great your life has become?

(0:41) Why is that there? That doesn't seem useful at all. That, that? This, this? This gets me there. But that is up there. Hold on a second. Can I? I can. I still have access to this! I have access to the bouncy balls! I can make bouncy balls happen! What do I? What did, what color did I use? Okay, look at that, the bouncy blue! Bouncy blue is happening right here!

(1:14) I should make it out of here. Nooo! I am a dumb nut bugger! Oh look at that they built this exactly for me. Look at that height, height! Alright, so I don't need that - you're useless! I need blue. Wheeee! Bounce me! Yeah! Hank Green is a portal machine! Okay, this. Good. And here? Okay, that looks like a bit of a jump. 

(1:51) Oh, not, I had that - no problem. (Cave Johnson: ...you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests...that might be a fear reaction) Or it might be a "the catwalks are gone" reaction. (Cave Johnson: ... THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach or bring back the gold. No sir, we did...) What are you talking about, Cave?

(2:20) Alright, so there's a thing and that brings down the thing, and then I get on the thing, and then, so, I can't jump that high. There's this. There's one of those there. Where does that get me? Okay, nowhere, apparently. Well that also doesn't do anything - aah, I hate when I do that! Geez. Okay, there's that. There's this, there's this guy in the box. 

(2:47) Okay, so that is obviously, okay, so that didn't work. I have to get blue goo in there. I don't know what good that did me. Okay. Stand back, sir! It's doing a thing. Alright, the thing broke the thing and now it's very bouncy. Where are you going, buddy? Where are you going? Oh, ooh, gotcha! You're mine now. You're mine. Can I clean you off? I can clean you off. It's so cool!

(3:20) Okay, now I put you on here. And now I need the goo again? So I need the blue. Right? No, apparently not. Goo! Goo goo g-goo goo! Yeah! Okay. I don't want to fall through. Okay, and now what do I have to get the goo - woah, that's a lot of goo! Heavy in the goo department!

(3:48) I need to go up. So do I need to get the goo on here? That goo does not seem to be sticking to that. Oh, I know what I need to do. I need to do this. Ha ha! That was awesome. (Cave Johnson: Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT...) What are you screaming at? (Cave Johnson: ...because you are fired!) Are you talking to me? (Cave Johnson: Not you, test subject, you're doing fine) Okay. (Cave Johnson: Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.) I would love front doors, parking lots, both of those things sound great to me. 

(4:29) Just putting myself in the position of Chell (soft 'ch'), or 'Chell' (hard 'ch'), I've always called her 'Chell' (soft 'ch'). Chell (soft 'ch') C-H-E-L-L, that's just how I feel. So I'm in, I think I'm in a salt mine, because it said in that newspaper article that Aperture Science bought a giant salt mine. So there was salt here once.

(5:13) Okay, I'm getting closer to the top. (Cave Johnson: ...hope we can count on you for another round of tests) No, not really. (Cave Johnson: So as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you. Say goodbye, Caroline) (Caroline: Goodbye, Caroline) Okay. I assume I'm going over there. Goodbye Caroline. Okay, where am I head - exit! Exits are awesome! I love exits, they take you to sunlight, oftentimes. Elevator to surface. Why is there a thing here? 

(5:47) Why is it so mean? Can I get some blue goo and bring it over here and make these things bounce through this window? And then, look, four thousand - I am still four thousand meters down? Hi Cave! You're very swarthy looking. Okay. Well that's where I portal. There's a portal space. How convenient. A little bit convenient.

(6:12) Okay, a door! I love doors. Ooh, can I get through here? I'm interested in dying, apparently. So there's this, so maybe if I go there I can jump, and I can die! What a surprise. Okay, well, I thought I maybe was going to land on that, that spherical thing and I was going to be able to discover something neat. Uh, neato. But instead I died. So, sorry.

(6:51) (Cave Johnson: ...you've made a glorious contribution to science...) Yes, because that's really what I want. Go away. Okay. (Cave Johnson: ...So as long as you keep yourself in top physical form...) Okay, Cave, I've already heard this. These are pump - they're not running. See, you can't hear them. (Cave Johnson: She is a gem) She is a gem. Pump Station Beta. So there's no gels involved because the pumps aren't running. So this is going to be good old-fashioned Portal right here.

(7:24) Woah, ooh, didn't make it there, that was a little bit too much. Too much. Okay. Now I'm up here. Up here and there's door that I can't go through, and there's gel flow, and I need to get - where do I need to get? Up here. Right. I need to get up. There's a thing there. I see it, I see you where I'm going to have to shoot out. Aaahhbugughja. Okay. So I'm going to go through - no, I don't, bu - okay. So I'm going to have to make a blue portal in there. 

(8:01) Going to have to make a blue portal. Where am I? Blue portal! I missed. I missed, it's okay, I get another chance. Okay, blue portal. Here I go. There I go. There I am! My goodness. I'm feeling special right now, I'll have you know. What do we got here? We got Pump Station Beta, and Pump Station Alpha's already on, so. We got the levers pulled. Old-ass phone there, old-ass lamp. Papers that I can't read, but are surprisingly still white, some tape recorder machines, refrigerator. And, here I go. I'm the man - I'm surprised by how fun that was.

(8:50) They're running, listen to them go. Moving on, moving on. I still have a minute left of this episode. Oh, I though I was going to go straight into the test chambers. Is Cave not going to talk to me anymore? Okay, well, I can portal that. My computer is having a hard time running this. It's like, this is a big room, sir. Okay, I see that. Alright.

(9:29) (Cave Johnson: Greetings, friend.) Ooh, hi, you're back! You're loud. (Cave Johnson: You might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts...Let me answer those questions with a question: who wants to make $60...feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you) Ah. There you are again.

(10:22) So you used top physical astronauts and stuff - ah, I see, I see, this is the next - so all the missing astronauts, and now, that guy's got sixty dollars, look at how happy with his jump suit! Okay, so I see. So they - four hundred and twenty six, they go through four hundred and twenty six people. Oh, so he's a little older now too. I see, I see, I see, I'm getting it. I'm understanding. We're progressing, we're telling the story without telling the story, just as I love to watch them do in this game. 

(11:04) Nope, wrong. Wink. Am I going through that again? I am, I'm going right through that again. So blue. Orange. Go on through. I didn't make it, but I am still alive, at least, so that's good. Oh, I need to end this episode. Sorry, I got distracted. So, 1971, it's 1971 now. Uh, God, the story is coming together. I just ran my hand into something. Ow. 

(11:36) Okay. Thank you for watching this episode of Hank Green plays Portal. Click the annotation at the top right-hand side of the video. Next time you will not see me and I will not see you, but you will hear me. Goodbye.