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Duration:04:59
Uploaded:2013-06-18
Last sync:2019-06-13 21:10
In which Grace teaches you how to fake being smarter than you are in 50 easy steps. Some of them might possibly involve cheese. Maybe.

Today's paternity leave video is brought to you by the delightful: http://www.youtube.com/dailygrace
Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday - oh, s***.

I'm so sorry, this is... not my channel, and I'm not allowed to do that here, and I apologize. Oh... what a terrible first impression. And it's still going. Cut to a thing...

Hello, my name is Grace Helbig, or I go by DailyGrace here on YouTube, because I make daily videos, five days a week. I have been graced with the wonderful honor of filling in for John Green while he's away, dealing with the spawn that has happened, through him, with him, and in his wife.

The Vlogbrothers have been very inspiration to me; they are, duh, very smart, articulate, nurturing, progressive community-driven human beings that exist based on our happiness and their own brains' fortitude, and so it is really stressful to have to fill in for one of them. I have been racking my brain for weeks, thinking of, "What should I do for this video?"

And I came to a conclusion - I am not as smart as them. I am going to teach you how to trick people into thinking that maybe you're more intelligent, or cultural, or socially sophisticated, than you really are. Let's do this!

1. Try to use the word "derivative" when describing something you have just seen, in that, "That art was derivative of this other piece of art."

2. Sprinkle in the fact that whatever you are talking about reminds you of the film Basquiat.

3. Carry a copy of On The Road in your back pocket.

4. Throw in a joke like this every now and then - "Gah, I am done waiting for Godot; I've got to Go... dot."

5. Don't have your email up on your computer when you're shooting a video.

6. Tell people you watch Bill Maher.

7. You also love watching soccer!

8. FIFA! Isn't Paris Hilton's dog's name.

9. Carry around a moleskin journal.

10. Yeah, you don't drink coffee unless it's through a French press.

11. Yeah, you carry a messenger bag, and it's leather.

12. Yeah, you wear glasses, and yeah, 90% of the time, they're not clean, because yeah, you're thinking about more important things.

13. You know the name of a cheese that is not mozzarella or cheddar.

14. Own a cheese board and/or cheese knife, because -- spoiler alert -- regular knives don't cut cheese. Google it; there are tiny, specific instruments that are for cutting cheese. Cavemen would lose their tiny, tiny brains about it -- you know how they cut cheese? Rocks. You know what they didn't have? Cheese.

15. You shop at Whole Foods. Ralph's? That's a man's name, not a grocery store.

16. You buy your cheese from the cheese section of Whole Foods, and when you do buy it, you ask them questions like you're in a spelling bee -- "Can I get the country of origin?" "Can you use this cheese in a sandwich?"

17. You have a typewriter in your house.

18. NPR is one of the set radio stations in your car.

19. You don't think the words Roth IRA are just me naming a member of Congress with a speech impediment.

20. You have a very specific favorite episode of The Simpsons.

21. And/or a very specific favorite character that isn't Lisa, Bart, Maggie, Marge, or Homer.

22. You think the brand-new season of Arrested Development is way more "nostalgic" than it is "groundbreaking".

23. You buy scones!

24. You own a wine decanter! Because wine is apparently a living organism and needs to breathe! 'Cause that's going to make it taste entirely different than metal and fruit.

25. You either wear a non-digital watch,

26. Or one that looks like a tiny calculator.

27. Re-blog the New Yorker!

28. Order mac and cheese at restaurants, but only when it has Gruyère cheese in it! A lot of this is about cheese.

29. You love Wes Anderson movies.

30. It's not delicious unless it's covered in truffle oil.

31. Try calling lines queues!

32. Your children's names don't end in A.

33. You use the words Ira Glass,

34. And Neil deGrasse Tyson.

35. Pretend you don't know the Food Network cable box number, 350. I don't! What?

36. Buy a telescope.

37. Buy one book about architecture.

38. Download Rosetta Stone, but like you're not going to use it. I have French and Spanish.

39. Get a friend with a Prius.

40. Tell everyone you still can't get over Alanis Morissette's misuse of ironic.

41. Let everyone know you follow Ken Jennings on Twitter, and he's actually really funny!

42. You've tried whittling.

43. Own a piece of furniture that's made out of leather.

44. You only drink scotch,

45. Or rye whiskey.

46. You have smoking pipes.

47. There's probably like three museums at least that you want to try to get to in the next month.

48. You've been talking about getting Ethiopian food for five years.

49. Yeah, you have a bike. Hanging on your wall.

50. You understand sarcasm.

Hank, I'll see you on Friday. I labored over this - but not like John's wife. Hey oh! All right.