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In which John visits Las Vegas and discusses proper casino gambling strategies, particularly relating to the game of roulette, which features--like all good and noble things in this world--a tiny ball. John also shows off his mad shaving skills and laments that Paris (Las Vegas) is not Paris (France). For all of you who miss old-school vlogbrothers videos: HERE, I MADE YOU ONE.


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A Bunny
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John Green: Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday. It's actually Monday, but tomorrow is a travel day. Oh, hi, there, half-finished 3 AM room service dinner. Let's look outside and see where I am. Apparently, I am in Paris, awesome! Why is there a pool? Also, why is Italy across the street? AH, I'm in Las Vegas, aren't I?

Hank, as you well know, I have been to Las Vegas once before for my bachelor party, which we called 'Nerds do Vegas'. Hank, I don't know if you've seen the movie 'The Hangover', but as I'm sure you remember, my bachelor party was the exact opposite of that. However, Hank, when we were in Las Vegas, you DID gamble. Hold on, I gotta buy a razor, walk with me, I should put on pants first.

As I recall, you played a game called 'Casino War'. You walked up to the table, placed the minimum bet, won the bet, walked away, and retired from gambling a winner. But, Hank, because I am the naughty brother, I am a much more aggressive gambler.

So, Hank, last night I sat down at the roulette table at about 11 pm with $100. Three hours later, I left the casino with $110. Now, Hank, I don't like to brag, but I am an extremely good roulette player. What makes me so good? Well, for one thing, I have a passion for the game, because I love tiny balls. That's why I love golf, Rube Goldberg machines, and JezzBall.
What else has tiny balls?

"What do you do for a living, John Green?"
"Well, I sit around in hotel rooms and try to think of things with tiny balls."
Mmm. You are delicious, last night's french fries.

Anyway, Hank! Here's the key to playing roulette: You have to understand that over time, you're going to lose all of your money. I don't mean you're sometimes going to lose all your money, I mean you're always going to lose all of your money. So, the key to success is to bet as little as possible as infrequently as possible and every time the cocktail waitress asks if you want a Sprite you say "yes". And since the Sprites are "free", that way even if (when) you lose you still got 4 Sprites for your $100. Uhhhh, of course this strategy also works for drinks that aren't Sprite.

Ultimately for me, Hank, gambling isn't so much a reminder of probability as it is a reminder of perspective. I mean, walking home from the casino last night I felt I'd had a pretty successful evening. I met some Canadian chaps, I got to watch one of my beloved tiny balls spin around a wheel for 3 hours, plus I got quite a few free drinks, and I won 10 whole dollars. But Hank, here in the cold grey light of the morning after, those free drinks just feel like a slight headache and liquid calories I'm going to have to walk off on the treadmill desk and I can't help but feel like for all my labor last night I made less than 4 dollars per hour. In short, Hank, I may be the older brother, but when it comes to gambling and also so much else, you are the wiser one.

Okay, I have to give a speech to people who work at colleges. High school Nerdfighters, I will definitely tell these people to accept all of you to all of the colleges. Hank, I will see you on Friday!

P.S Hank - airport, Grey Speckled Walls, etc.
That video was recorded before Hurricane Sandy came ashore, and I just wanted to say although I realize that most Nerdfighters currently without power aren't spending their cell batteries, like, watching YouTube; stay safe.
Also, Bitterballin', tiny, delicious balls...and dip 'n' dots.