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In which Hank tries to figure out what his primary concern is, celebrates his Mom's birthday, and initiates a Truth or Fail.


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A Bunny
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((') (')
Good morning John. So you want to know what my primary concern is, the one thing above all that I care about more than anything? Well, I was going to devote this video to the top ten celebrity side-boob shots of 2009, but you've taken that dream away from me, not to mention all of our adolescent teen male viewers. You think YouTube is for discussing ultimate concern, everyone else thinks it's for side-boob pictures. Whatever, let's just go with what you want to do.

So to determine my primary concern what I decided to do was think of the first five things I would give my life for, and narrow it down from there. So the five things that first popped into my mind, this probably isn't all, but the five things that popped into my mind that I would give my life for are:

One, my wife, which is much more selfish than you think. I mean she's the one who gets stuck here without a best friend. I wouldn't want to be on the other side of that deal.

Number two, freedom. Not mine, since I wouldn't be having the chance to enjoy it, being dead, but for the people I care- I think I'd die for their freedom before I died for their life.

To resurrect the lost contents of the massive library at Alexandria.

Number four, to make peaceful contact with a non-human sentient race from another world. Because I am a huge dork.

Number five, free non-polluting energy for everyone. Something just occurred to me, meet me on the floor for a tangent.

One thing that I would not give my life for is to be the first person to break the sound barrier while sky diving. Felix Baumgartner, who is a bit of an idiot, is going to try and do this soon by jumping out of a helium balloon that is twenty three miles into the air. The air is so thin up there that there's nothing to slow him down so he will eventually reach the speed of sound, and he will break it, and no one knows what the shock wave is going to do to his body. He may die. I hope he doesn't, but he recognizes that he may die, so apparently jumping out of a helium balloon twenty three miles above the Earth is Felix Baumgartner's ultimate concern. Okay, back to the chair.

My goal is to take those five things that I would die for and then have a tournament between them and I would have to choose. Like a terrorist would show up and he'd be like, "The contents of the library at Alexandria, or your wife, which one do I destroy?" And then I would have to choose, and by narrowing it down that way I would figure out what my ultimate concern was. But I've been working on this video, and I've been trying to do it, and I can't do it.

So to answer your question, I don't know what my ultimate concern is. I don't even know that it's that interesting to me. I think I find it much more interesting to think about what I am concerned with at all. Like, where do I draw the line? Where is the line between the stuff that I would die for, and stuff that I would fight for, and stuff that I care at all about, and then stuff out here that I don't care at all about at all? Like out here's rocks, but there are some rocks that are in here like diamonds, I think we all would work for diamonds? But most rocks are out here, but like the rocks that composed the Grand Canyon maybe pretty close to the stuff that I would die for? But you can't care about everything. You can't bring everything into the fold, and you can't care about the baby of the crazy neighbor across the street as much as I care about Henry.

That's what I think is interesting. I think concern is interesting. And always very central to the stuff that I'm concerned about is going to be my family, which is why I have to say happy birthday Mom! Thank you for being born, and for making John and I. And Mom, I wrote you a little song using party blowers.

*Party blower song*

The rest of the world celebrates Momma Green's birthday by wearing green clothes and dying beer and rivers green. She's a very special lady, everybody takes notice. If you think they're celebrating the St. Patrick's guy, you got another thing coming. But, you may enjoy this episode of Truth or Fail that I just did.

John, I will see you on Friday.

Your first set of facts:
Fact one: There is one four leaf clover for every one hundred regular three leaved clovers.

Or, fact two: According to legend, St. Patrick used the symbol of the shamrock to represent the Holy Trinity to the Pagan Irish people that he was trying to convert.