Previous: Flags and Helpers



View count:656,624
Last sync:2023-11-09 03:15
When I was growing up, the stigma surrounding homosexuality was so severe (not in my household, but in the broader culture) that I feared I was gay because of tiny little signs that actually had very little (or nothing) to do with sexuality (like enjoying the music of the Village People). That confusion was terrifying to me because this stuff just wasn't talked about culturally (even though my parents were super-supportive.)

Because that was hard for me, I assume that it's hard for lots of other people, so I wanted to make a video about sexual orientation in a frank and adult way, talking about identity, love, sex, and attraction. But since my own experience is pretty limited (being pretty much totally straight) I asked some friends if they'd like to share their experiences and thoughts.

Thanks VERY much to:
Hannah Hart
Tyler Oakley
Ze Frank
Meg Turney / SourceFed

For thinking great thoughts and sticking their neck out there for me.

Also, Hannah has a whole series on coming out and sexual orientation:

Music: Inner Light from Incomptech

Crisis hotlines by country:

U.K. 08457-90-90-90

Australia 13-11-14

Canada 1-800-448-1833

Belgium 02-649-95-55

New Zealand 5222-999 or 0800-111-777

France 01-45-39-40-00

Germany 0800-111-0-333

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 21-233-9191


519-416-486-2242 (Ontario)

1-888-787-2880 (Alberta)

1-866-872-0113 (British Colombia)


(852) 2382-0000 (Hong Kong)

Costa Rica: 506-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 7621602

Finland :040-503-2199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Holland: 0900-0767

India: 92-22-307-3451

Ireland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

Norway: 47-815-33-300

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

Sweden: 031-711-2400


Thailand: 02-249-9977

United Kingdom: 08457-90-90-90

Ukraine: 0487-32715
(Hannah Hart is H, Tyler Oakley is T, Ze Frank is Z, Meg Turney is M)

H: It's a long process, and it involves your entire life. It's not like one day you're just like, "Oh, I'm gay. Huh. Hm!"

T: I knew I was gay, like for sure gay. Cause I was finding stuff of the internet and I was all about it.

Z: I actually think it was, it was a Disney movie.

M: I remember my girlfriends and I used to practice kissing on each other, and all the girls would be like, "Ok, well we're just doing this because we're practicing now for the boys," and I'd be like, "This is the best jackpot!" Like, I was super into it.

Z: For me, it was very much just clear that there was just one main driver for my sexual energy, and that was women.

T: Women's bodies are great, I just like...there's literally no drive, within me, to like...explore them on a sexual level.

H: My coming out story is kind of just like.. and then I met one girl and I was like oh fuck. M- I just remember being, uh, 11 and 12, and all of my girl friends talking about boys they liked, and I also liked boys, but also having crushes on girls.

H: I've never fallen in love with a man. You know, and I've had boyfriends, I've never woken up and been like, "God, it's so good to see you and I'm so happy you're in my life." When I have girlfriends, I'm like... I'm like a puppy.

M: All the way through high school, I would say things like, "Well, it's there's just something about the way a guy holds you that...women are hot, and they're beautiful, and I love to touch them, but I wouldn't seriously date a woman, I wouldn't marry a woman," things like that. As I've gotten older, I feel like I have a deeper, like I'm able to have a deeper... I'm able to have a deeper connection with women that's not so surface.

H: Being gay is about being in love, it's not about sex.

Z: I don't know if I agree with that. I could see myself falling in love with a man much more easily than I could see myself having sex with a man.

T: When it comes to, like, emotional love, beyond sex, like an emotional, just like, huge upheaval of everything that I know... I've never felt that intensive...something with a girl, nor have I longed to have that with a girl. Or met a girl that I thought I could have that with.

H: For me, being gay and my personal identity are totally different things. Sometimes I wear heels, sometimes I wear combat boots. I like jazz. I love the internet.

You know what I mean? Like, that's my personal identity. That has absolutely nothing to do with being gay.

Z: I loved collecting Lisa Frank stickers. I mean, like, I loved it. And I, y'know, to this day, like, I just, for some reason, man, like those little freakin' rainbows are just awesome. I think for my uncle, uh, he saw this as some kind of like, threat.

But that never really, like, interfered with the conversation that I sort of, I guess was having internally, conscious or not, about what my sexuality was.

H: I definitely didn't want to be gay. Part of me still doesn't want to be gay. Makes life a little bit harder.

M: I think the hardest obstacle for me has been people telling me that bisexuality isn't actually a thing. Like, you have to choose one or the other, or you're doing it for attention. It's not true! You can like both.

If you're struggling with your sexuality, I guess the thing I have to say is, is be comfortable and be ok just being the only person who's comfortable with your sexuality. Once you're ok with that, other people's acceptance will come.

T: The good news's getting better. A lot of people are gonna be there for you. Um, and there's tons of resources out there, whether you are so distraught by it or it's problematic in your life and you need the Trevor Project. A lot more people are supportive than you think and if you need help, there's always people on YouTube telling their story.

And I'm sure you will relate to somebody on there, just keep searching, and you're not alone.