Greg: Oh, we've got people in the house. It's a mess in here. Can we just get serious for a second and just talk about. What? What are you? What? (Laughter in background.) What the.., What are you doing?

(Intro tune)

Greg: What in the world are you doing?

00:18:  Aaron: I'm obviously a pink flamingo.

Greg: Oh, ya. You're right. You are a pink flamingo. Okay. Got it. I understand. What the.., what are you doing. 

Matt:  I'm...waiting for you Greg. Alright. We're trying to start the show. Oh My God it's Katherine and Hank Green!

Katherine: Boop!

Greg: What?

Hank: What?

Greg: What?

Hank: What?

Greg: What is he dressed as? Beautiful Kim Evey Benson.

Kim: He is dressed as a bush baby.

Greg: Bush baby. That's right. I should probably turn the music off. Here we go.

Kim: He's developed like a little tumor since last week.

Hank: Yeah, I don't know what this is supposed to be.

Greg: That is weird. It's- But -

Hank:  It's a stoma. I can reach in (laughter). Oh, oh, I can touch my own brain.

Greg: And our cat is dressed as ... a dog. Hi.

Hank: That's a really great costume. 

Greg: Hi buddy. Good boy.

Aaron: I'll show you what's vaguely sexual. Check this out.

Greg: Oh. Ohhhh. That is vague. We gotta get serious. We got stuff to do. This is for me. That is a cider. It's an English cider. Because I don't like beer! You can keep your beer!

Matt: We - it's well documented that Greg doesn't like beer.

Greg: This- This is what we have before eating and the thing.

Kim:  Goodbye!

Greg:  Aw, you're leaving?

Kim:  Yeah. (kiss)

Greg:  Sweetie.

Matt: He didn't turn into a prince.

Kim: I was waiting. Oh. Yeah.

Greg: Wait a minute, I'm still a frog?

Kim: Yeah.

Greg: I guess I gotta try this one then, maybe he's my true love.

Greg and Aaron: Ahhh

Greg: We got some AC on because it's hot in these here costumes! This is gonna be the sweaty episode.

Matt: Definitely. We've had those before. 

Aaron: Oh my God, I look like an asshole.

Greg: You look like an asshole.

Matt: We can get this a little closer I think.

Hank: I have a literal dick on my face.

Greg: Haha yeah it kind of is! It kind of is a penis right there on your face!

(laughter)

Katherine: I like Greg working the camera with his frog hand.

Greg: Yeah, it's really hard to hold it with my... I'm holding the camera with my frog hands.

Are we live?

Aaron: As far as I know we're live

Hank: as far as he knows

Matt: could we get a word from Courtney?

Aaron: yeah, I'll ask her

Greg: What word would you like to get from Courtney?

Matt: "Bone"

Greg: (laughter) That's a pretty good word!

Matt: Can you put this away please? we're trying to do a show.

Greg: I... This is the show!

Hank: How many cameras do we need?

Greg: (laughter) Alright, I'm putting you away. Goodbye! Thanks for watching!

(music)

Greg: How's that pizza

Hank: it's good

Greg: Yeah? You like that pizza?

Hank: it's cold and

Greg: Yeah

Hank: And chewy

Greg: what are you doing? you're eating that pizza?

Hank: Yeah, I'm taking it and turning it into me.

Greg: yeah? yeah? come on, eat that pizza. eat it

Hank: Did you know that the human body is a torus?

Greg: Uhh, well, I don't know, well, I mean, I'm an Aquarius actually.

Hank: T. O. R. U. S.

Greg: Hmm, that's not how you spell Taurus. It's spelled T. A. U. R. U. S.

Hank: K.

Matt: Don't slap me with crust. (laughter)

Greg: That's what happens when people get drunk on this show, folks. 

(music)

Greg: Will someone turn on a light. There's a light and will you turn on this lamp. 

Greg:  So the game is over and we have just picked up the phone and called a number. This is Nicholas, who is known as nine the volution. 

Hank:  ninth evolution.

Greg: It's nine the volution

Hank: Ninth evolution!

Greg: No, I have dubbed him nine the volution agenda and he has accepted the dubbing

Hank: but I want to know what the eighth evolution was

Greg: if you haven't seen the first eighth, you shouldn't see the ninth. (laughter) This is number 9 the volution agenda. Hello Nicholas

(on the phone) Hello

Greg: You are on MediocreFilms2, on the most amazing vlog I have ever made, me drunk after the... what is the show called?

Hank:  Beer and board games

Greg: Table top

Hank: Heroine and board games.

(laughter)

Greg: Alright I'm going to call a couple other people. This is Katherine Green.

Katherine: Buddy, That's your nuts! I'm just watching your dog lick himself.

Greg: he's not even liking himself, he's biting himself.

Katherine: Oh, he's really getting into it really

Aaron: He's licking his shaft

Greg: I'm calling Logan who his also known as Nuclear Druid

Greg Benson of MediocreFilms dubs you New Clear Druid

Logan (on phone) perfect, how are you doing Greg?

Greg: I'm good. This is Logan, we've got Logan on the phone. Is this camera still rolling

Aaron: Greg, your dog just farted

Greg: we're doing good except apparently my dog Buddy just farted and

Aaron: this is really deadly

Greg: According to Matt, according to Aaron. Wait, you're Aaron right? Aaron's the tall one

Aaron: I'm not tall! I'm the shortest!

Greg: Aaron's the short... that's what I said!

Matt: Come on, just focus on this call that you're doin.. I have to direct everything that..

Greg: you do

(on the phone) no problem, it's understandable, you guys have had a lot to drink

Greg: I know that it's not... I'm not a gay person, but when you just put your hand on my head it felt really nice! It felt nice!

Matt: Come to Chicago if you get a chance and come to the Chicago event on May 12th

(on the phone) I actually just bought my ticket

Matt: Oh awesome!

(phone) a couple minutes ago so I'll be there

Matt: Oh! Well say hi to us when you're there

Aaron: Yeah, come after the show and say hi.

Greg: Yeah, say hi to them but don't say anything else, just walk up to them and go HIIII

(laughter)

(phone) I'll be sure to do that

Greg: Sean Rossick says, "Call me Greg". Well, if you're gonna say it like that, I'd better do it

(off camera burp, laughter)

Sean, we know that you have an amazing joke that you can tell us and also the MedocreFilms2 viewing audience, aaand action

(phone) Uhh...

(laughter)

Hank:  Yup, that's about how I would feel, in that situation.

(phone) I'm in Pennsylvania

That's cool, what's the name of your city?

(phone, bad audio) Oh, somewhere near Scranton

Greg: Sharp-screek-scran?

Katherine: Scranton!

Greg: What?

Katherine: Scranton

Greg: Did you understand what he said?

Katherine: Sounded like he said Scranton

Greg: Ok, it sou- (thud)

(laughter)

I dropped you

I dropped you, sorry, I dropped the camera, don't worry Sean, it's OK, I dropped the camera

(off camera) Tape it to the tripod there. Tape it over there.

It sounded like you said Scresh...

Aaron: It sounded like you said Scranny!

Katherine: Scranny!

Hank: I fell.

Greg: Did you enjoy the show tonight?

(phone) Oh absolutely yeah it was great

Greg: OK, well I apologize and I hope (laughter)

Hank: I'm sorry for being a tremendous dickhead. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we're terrible people.

(All singing) Oh baby you, you got what I need, but you say he's just a friend

Oh!

You say he's just a friend

Oh baby you!

This is Baby Cookie

"Hey buddy. Whadda what'sa goin on?"

(on the phone) Hi, James is here too. And I'm a big Baby Cookie fan, wow, I love wha-what you do man, keep it up

Matt: Okay, okay Bjames Beeeaarsch, I can't pronounce your damn name

(More gibberish) I hope you had a good night.

Hank: James is.. James is really hard to pronounce.

Matt: Okay

Hank: When I was, during the war in France, I, your videos really got me through some tough times.

Aaron: We could have done with that during the show.

(phone) It's really wonderful the way you guys can call, I mean, it's one thing to watch people on YouTube and feel that they're so, you know, "Oh my god it's Jason David but also you just remember that people are just people and that's really cool and I hope you guys had a lot of fun tonight, 'cos we had a great time watching you.

Greg: Oh that's nice, but we do have to correct you, we're not just people, we are celebrities and we wish to be treated as such.

(laughter)

No, that's- that's- that is not true

Matt: You are a horrible person

Hank: As long as- as long as you remember we should be treated with the proper amount of respect.

(phone)We will all remember that for the next time you drunk dial us

Greg: You are our last call of the night, let's make it special, what- first of all your name is Allie, right?

(phone) Yeah

Greg: I hope that you enjoy the call, and you enjoy-

(phone) I do, it's really made my night

Greg: Good, I hope that you enjoy this sound which I am gonna make, I have not made this sound for anyone tonight, but I'm gonna make it for you, here it comes:

(Mating call of a donkey-elephant hybrid)

Aaron: That is the least enjoyable sound you could possibly make.

(Desperate mating call of a donkey-elephant hybrid)

(phone) All I can say is, I'm really happy you've called 'cos I'm a really big fan of yours and it's really made my week actually.

Greg: Well I think that you are delightful and lovely and I love the name LadySapphire, and I think that you are swell.

(phone) Hi, how are you doing?

Matt: Oh, pretty good.

(phone) Wow, I really got to talk to you as well.

Matt: Cool-

(laughter)

(phone) It's really cool, yeah.

Matt: What, what are you, what are you, what are you wearing?

(laughter)

Matt: I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to say.

Aaron: You don't have to answer that!

Matt: It was good talking to you, I think we're probably going to...

Greg: Stay on the phone for another hour with LadySapphire.

Matt: Ok, thank you.

Aaron: Thanks LadySapphire.

Matt: Have a good night.

Greg: And that's the end of the video, I hope you enjoyed us calling some people, it was, it was fun, we called people, now it's time for me to go to sleep

The alarm (?) why did I turn on the alarm for 10 o'clock at night?

Nursing Home Prank Call: (Greg: If one of your seniors happens to "disappear" for a weekend, you just turn your head the other way, and you just wait till Monday when we bring him back

(on the phone)No no no no no no