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Duration:10:22
Uploaded:2013-05-02
Last sync:2019-06-14 13:00

Narration: Previously on Beer and Board games

Hank: That was awful.

*miscellaneous laughter*

*can smashing noise*

Unknown women: You just gotta know how to do it.

Matt [clapping]: Hercules! Hercules!

*Laughter*

*Transition Noise*

Aaron [to Hank]: You have like a- there's a thing sticking out right there.

Hank: Yeah, that's my- are you making fun of my fleshy growth?

Aaron: Yeah.

Hank: I'm not ashamed of it.

Aaron [Offscreen] : Ok.

Matt: It does- it doesn't matter. Basically your entire face is hidden as though you're wearing a giant hood.

Greg: How do we know that it's Hank Green?

Matt [Offscreen]: I - that's what I'm saying.

Hank: This is part of my plan.

Greg: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute!

*Laughter* 

*Siren noise*


-----

Matt: Hey folks, welcome to Beer and Board Games. Why are we dressed as animals, you might ask? Because we're playing Loaded Questions.

*music plays*

Hank: But you're, wha-- [towards Greg].

Greg: Huh? Bu-- wha-- You sound like this: Bip bap bip bip bap bip. 
 
*Matt laughs*

Hank: Is physical violence allowed? 

Matt: Oh, absolutely. It's encouraged. 

Hank: Okay. 

*Hank slaps Greg*

Greg: Aww! That was real, folks.

*Hank and Matt laugh*

Aaron: Are you okay, honey? 

Greg: My hands are hot. 

 New Section (1:19)


Matt: Our first beer tonight is from the folks at Tap Room Number 21, it is amber ale. Ale with honey added.

Hank: It is-- It has added honey.

Matt: For you diabetics out there.

Hank: I got this hangover pack from Will Wheaton, I was just at his house, and he gave this to me--

Matt (interrupts): Oh you just dropped a name, let me get that, get that for ya. 

*Aaron and Greg laugh*

Hank: And he wanted me to take several of these pills before I started to drink, so I need to take them now. 

Greg: I have a similar pack, but it's from George Clooney and Kim Basinger. 

Hank: I was just trying to give the guy credit! 

*All laugh* 

Matt: Am I crazy, or do I detect notes of watermelon in the beer? 

Aaron: Watermelon?

Hank: Yeah, I feel that--

Matt: Taste it for yourself and see [directed towards Aaron]. 

Hank: I feel you with a little bit of like a crispy crispy melon flavor. 

Matt: Yeah. 

Aaron: In the game Loaded Questions, you roll a die, move to a space, you draw a card. Read that thing. Then, everybody writes down an answer on their sheet, and you all give me the questions and I say 'Aw, I think this one says, uh, dat-dip-b'sac, I think Matt wrote that one. You tell me if I'm right and however many I got right, I move that many spaces forward on the board. 

Matt: Yeah, every answer I write is gonna be dip back [making incorrect reference to Aaron's original sound].

Aaron: No, it was dip b'sac. 

Hank [at the same time]: No, it was dip b'sac. 

*All laugh*

Matt: I think we've got a new nickname for you.

Aaron: No. No, I'm not Dip B'sac. 

*Hank and Greg laugh* 

Matt: I think maybe you are, Dip B'sac. 

Aaron: Aw, Jesus. 

--

Matt: Okay, folks. We're going to play loaded questions. They're going to be a little sassy, so don't get too scandalized.

Aaron: What word sounds dirty, but isn't? 

Hank: Dip B'sa-- [fades off into laughter]

Matt: [laughing] That's true. 

Greg: 'Undulate', 'Richie Cunningham', and 'Squanto'.

Matt: Okay, Richie Cunningham[towards Greg], Squanto[towards Hank] and Undulate[towards Matt].

Greg: Oh, that's incorrect. 

Matt: Who said what?

Hank: Undulate

Matt: Squanto

Greg: Richie Cunningham

Hank: Richie Cunningham is a great answer, that's great. 

Greg: Yeah, it does sound dirty. 

Matt: It does. That was a good one. 

Matt: I rolled a two! 

Hank: That's not very far. 

Matt: Woo! 

--

Matt: What political figure would you like to see naked? 

Matt: If you're enjoying this episode, you can see all three to four hours of the uncut footage at beerandboard.com/live 

Aaron: Ted Kennedy c. 1997, Anne Hathaway, or George Washington's wooden cock. 

Matt: He always says circa as part of his jokes, so he's Ted Kennedy[towards Greg]--

Greg [interrupts]: You son of a bitch. 

*Hank laughs*

Matt: He was saying fuck Anne Hathaway before so he said Anne Hathaway[towards Hank]. 

Matt: And you're always lowbrow, so you said George Washington's wooden cock[towards Aaron]. 

Aaron: Good job, three points out of three points. 

Matt: Hey! 

*Hank clapping* 

Greg: That was very impressive. 

Hank: Yeah, he even had reasoning. 

 New Section (3:57)



Hank: We're freaking hot!

Greg: Oh... Frog prince, how I love you.

Hank [referring to the removal of the costume hoods/hats]: Wow, guys, it's much easier to hear and see now. 

Matt [chuckling]: Well, hey.

Aaron [directed at Hank]: Chris Weir(?), um, wants you to take a shot -

Hank [interrupting]: Excellent.

Aaron: -and do an impression of your brother.

Hank: I actually don't know him very well.

Aaron: Could you explain who your brother is?

Hank: He, uh, is one of the [laughter interrupts] he's one of the people that came out of my mom and I real- like, I have never tried to impersonate my brother but-

Aaron [interrupts]: Take a shot and do it.

Hank: -with the help of this drink [tries to do a "John" voice] Good morning Hank! [normal voice] That's just how I talk except I said Hank instead of John.

*Laughter*

Greg: I'm still stuck on the mental image of how you both came out of your mother.

Hank: Well, you came out of your mother.

Greg: Dude, don't be gross. No I didn't.

Hank: Are you sure?

Greg: Yeah. Yeah. Gross man.

Hank: So you've never, like, touched your mom's vagina.

Greg: No! My God. Well I mean not... at birth!

*Laughter*

Hank [to camera]: We have a Beer and Board Games toast. This is for Katie Norris. Actually it's for her boyfriend Bryce. It's their fourth anniversary.

Matt: Woah!! Four years together... in the bed!

Aaron [Offscreen]: Yeah!

Greg: I wonder if any of them came out of Hank's mother.

*Greg, Matt and Aaron giggle*

Hank: Not sure how I feel about this. 

*Clink of glasses*

All: Katie and Bryce!

Matt: Dip b'sac!

Greg: What is the naughtiest thing you have ever said in bed.

Hank: It totally says my name in it.

Greg: Oh, well that'll be easy for me to- I've got one point already.

Matt: The dirty thing you said has your own name in it?

Hank: Yeah!

*All laugh*

Matt [mocking]: This is Hank Green's pussy. 

*Matt and Greg laugh*

Matt: Who's pussy is this? Hank Green's pussy! 

Aaron [Offscreen]: Haha, okay.

Matt [to Hank]: Was that, was that the thing. If not you can use that.

Greg: What is the naughtiest thing you have ever said in bed?

Hank [reading]: "I've never spoken in bed."; "You're riding the Hankercoaster." *Laughter* ; "Oh God, wrong hole". 

Greg:  I would say "you're riding the Hankercoaster" is probably... It's Hank, that would be Hank.

Hank: Yeah.

Greg: *Points to Matt* That's "never spoken in bed" and *pointing Aaron* "oh God, wrong hole".

Matt [Offscreen]: That's three points for you.

Greg: Boom!

Matt: You did it!

Hank [at the same time]: I'm going to lose...

*Laughter*

Aaron: What do you do to turn on the charm?

Hank [bouncing on his chair]: Turn it on...

Matt [to Hank]: Is that how you do it?

Hank: Turn on the charm...

Matt [to Hank]: You say that to yourself in the mirror, this is your mirror ritual?
 
Both Matt and Hank: Turn on the charm...

*Greg laughs*

Both Matt and Hank: Turn on the charm...

*More laughs*

Greg: Here are the three answers! One: I give myself a good hair-combing. Two: sweat a lot. Three: wake up.

Aaron: [pointing to Hank] Give myself a good hair-combing. [To Matt] Wake up. [To Greg] The other one.

Greg: Sweat a lot?

Aaron: Yeah, sweat a lot.

Greg: You got them all wrong!

*laughs*

Matt: What do we think of this game so far?

Greg: There's got to be a way we can pump it up and make it more exciting!

Matt: Okay, how can we make it more exciting?

Greg [to Matt] : Okay, give us an idea!

 *laughs*

Matt: I gotta say this at least once a show.

Greg: Oh oh!

Matt [to Greg]: You will not be asked back.

*Laughter*

-----New section (7:08)-----

Hank [singing]: Dip b'sac.

(?~7:15)Hank and Matt [singing, looking for their words]: Dip b'sac! He will never gay me down when I weigh a friend. Dip b'sac!

Aaron: He will never gay me down when I weigh a friend?

Greg [laughing]: Well it's true he won't! "Oh so you're weighing a friend? I'm not gonna gay you down."

*Laughter*

Matt: What is one gift someone could give you that would totally turn you on? The answers.

Aaron: "A big bowl o' boobs."

Hank [laughs]: That's disgusting!
 
Aaron: Yeah! "A live raccoon". "Life insurance". 

Matt: [Points to Greg] A bowl o' boobs. [To Hank] Live raccoon. [To Aaron] Life insurance.

Aaron: Wow, you know us like the back of your hand.

Greg: You won the game. It's over.

Matt [To Greg]: You know, now that you've taken off the frog head, You just look like a maitre d' from the future.

*Laughter*

Greg: Hello, table for squam? *Laughter* It's a number, it's a number in the future.

Matt: On beerboard.com, you can purchase rewards. One of them is to have us give you a toast. and, ah, for this round we are toasting Will McLeod. He wants us to toast him in French accents if possible.

Aaron: Aha!

Hank [trying to do the accent]: Will McLeod! This is a toast to you! 

*Matt laughs* 

Hank: That good?

Matt: euuhhh..

Aaron [trying to do the accent]: I am, euh, D - Dip B'Sac, euh, and I want, euh, to euh, to toast Will McLeod.

Hank: Ha oui! Oui, oui oui oui, oui.

Matt: Oui!

Greg [trying to do the accent]: Euh, Monsieur McCloud, je n'ai pas une grande boite de crayons vertes aujourd'hui pour vous et euh, je- j'adore les monstres et le monstre mangeais mon stylo et euh, j'adore les cerises et les vins rouges et les framboises.


All talking at the same time: Oh. Oui oui! Owie! Holy shit! ..

Matt [to Aaron]: Why are you suddenly disheveled?

Aaron: I messed up my hair 'cause I wasn't pleased - 

Matt [interrupting]: Why?

Aaron: -with it.

Matt: You just look- you look like you just, like, fell into a bush.

Hank: Old Dip B'Sac fell into a bush on the way to the market and he is the- requiring the re- the re..

Aaron: The restraints.

Matt [singing]: Well I believe we better call ol' Doc Goop B'doke
*Aaron laughs* to come and look after him.

Hank: At this table, who is Doc Goop B'doke?

Matt [points to Greg]: Why, he's right here!

Greg: Hello, there! I'm Doctor Goop B'doke.

*Laughs*

Greg: I'm afraid you've got cancer! Thank you! Do-do-do do-do-do-do!

Aaron: It was me, old Dip B'Sac coming to the Doctor. And him [points to Hank] old Shoot M'Dinc. *Hank laughs*

Greg: Don't you know I love you Matt! Come on, let's hold hands for the rest of the game. Just for the rest of the night let's hold both hands.

Hank: Just for the rest of the night.

Matt: Let's hold-

Hank: Just for the next three and a half hours.

Matt: -our hand against each other's faces.

Greg: Yeah, Yeah.

Matt: For the rest of the night. 

Greg: That's all- That's all we need to do. 

Matt: It's very nice.

Greg: Yeah, it's nice to connect that way.
 
*Hank shoves Greg and Matt away from each other by putting his hands on their cheeks*

 Greg: Ow!!

*Laughter*

Hank: I wanted to try! You're right it's good!

Greg: It is good.

Hank: I like it.

Matt: I didn't know Hank Green would be so full-contact.

*Outro music*

Hank [singing]: Dip b'sac.

Hank and Matt [singing]: Dip b'sac!