"Good morning, Hank, it's Monday!"
I think...I think it's Tuesday...I think it's gonna be Tuesday.
Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday, someday at the end of October, and you just got said "hello" to by bunch of extremely excited Nerdfighters in Phoenix, Arizona, who were only able to say "hello" to you, because of my awesome new camcorder! (I am so excited by my new camcorder, here, Hank, lemme show it to you). *moves it* Oh, wait! If I move the camcorder, how am I gonna take the picture of the camcorder, using... camcorder?! DANG IT!

*the intro*

Ok, Hank, so you might remember that, in my last video, I asked the Nerdfighters what I could do for them, after they did all this awesome stuff for me, including getting "Paper Towns" on the New York Times Bestseller List?? - And it turns out that the Nerdfighters do indeed have some requests.
"I think you should do NaNoWriMo in November, which is National Novel Writing Month!"

Unfortunately, despite getting down on my knees every night and praying that God turn me into James Patterson - I'm not able to write a novel in a month. However, in the month of November, I AM considering "National Finish the Revision of Your Book, I Mean, Seriously Come On Month", also known as NAFRYBMSCM... The only problem with that is that November is also "National Drive Around America With Your Brother Month", or NADAWIBMO! So, I'm definitely gonna do NADAWIBMO, and I'm gonna TRY to do NAFRYBMSCM, and I apologize in advance that it's gonna be totally impossible to do the NaNoWriMo.

"Make sure when they make the movie of "Paper Towns" they don't ruin it!" - Umm...ok! You're not gonna like the way I respond to that request. First, I don't think that they can ruin the book with the movie. (Like, no matter how unconvincing Sean Penn's Louisiana accent sounds, "All the King's Men" is still a great book.) Also I ascribe to the belief that, in order to properly adapt a book into a film, you have to radically change, like, everything about the book. Sorry!

Perfecter of Chemistry says: "You can repay us by promoting literature online, and also in schools everywhere." It's funny you should bring that up, Perfecter of Chemistry. So, Hank, today I was in a high school in Seattle, tryin' to get kids excited about readin', talkin' about books and why they still matter, and blahblahblah... And, um... pretty much during my entire presentation, there was a lot of, like, laughter, and I didn't know exactly what they were laughing at. I was like: "I guess I am just one...funny guy!" And about 45 minutes into my one-hour talk, I opened it up for questions, and...like, 30 hands shot up, which is a little bit unusual, so I called on someone and they were like: "Um... yes, Mr. Green, are you aware of the fact that your zipper is, like, flagrantly, almost obscenely, unzipped?" Oooh, NO, I DIDN'T, but I did, Hank--I gave my ENTIRE speech about the IMPORTANCE OF IMAGINING OTHER PEOPLE COMPLEXLY, with, like, a massively unzipped zipper.

"Can you just, like, give me a hug? You're just like a giant teddy-bear and I just LOVE you." - Did you have to say that I'm like a GIANT teddy-bear?? Couldn't've you just said that I'm like a regular teddy-bear? Look! I know that the weight watchers hasn't gone well, you try eatin' on the road. It's HARD out here for a touring-author!!

"It would be awesome if you win on a national campaign to make sky-diving legal for minors!" *laugh* I mean, Hank, knowing what you do about me, can you imagine a campaign that I am less likely to go on?? I don't think sky-diving should be legal for ANYONE! It's CRAZY! You shouldn't jump out of plane - planes are for STAYING in.

"Make my Walmart get 'Paper Towns.'" - It's a actually an exceptionally bad idea to buy your books at Walmart, because - if everyone buys their books at Walmart, then we're looking at the future, when about 30-50 books will be published each year. Which would've had kind of a chilling affect on American cultural discourse. PLUS, it would've put me out the job, because Walmart thinks my books are too dirty to stock.

So, Hank, it was starting to look like there was nothing that Nerdfighters wanted me to do, that I could do for them? I mean: I can't do NaNoWriMo, because I don't have time, my conscience won't allow me to advocate for minors skydiving, because I think it's a terrible idea, and I can't get my books in Walmart, because I'm too dirty!

But then, finally, Hank, I saw a fulfill-able request:
"Could you record yourself, doing your happy dance for us, in 18 different states?" - *happydance* YES! I. CAN! My zipper is unzipped! DANG it!

Hank, I'll see you in just a few minutes, at the amazing Seattle Public library!