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MLA Full: "Ask Lindsey #7: What is love, Dan Savage, and complaints!" YouTube, uploaded by Sexplanations, 14 November 2013,
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In this episode, Lindsey tackles some questions, some complaints, and talks about the idea of love.




Go to to get your very own Want/Will/Won't Poster:

You can ask Lindsey Questions at:

Host: Dr. Lindsey Doe

Directing/Filming/Editing: Nicholas Jenkins

Titles: Michael Aranda

Executive Producer: Hank Green

There are some hot button topics and interesting questions swirling around Sexplanations right now. Let's give it a go!

If you're confused by what I'm saying, you can watch the new Sexplanations playlist and catch up on videos. Look in the comments for the Twiddle Beetle Battles that I'm referring to.

Complaint #1: A does not stand for Allies. To you, I have already responded to this, there's a link in the description below, and the original allies video. It's so good.

Bi versus pan? Language is constructive and dynamic, remember? When I was asked to distinguish between pan and bi, I went back to etymology, the prefixes. As with the term heterosexuality, bisexuality and pansexuality have and will continue to change. I think what you're getting at is that in some contexts, bisexuality does not refer to a gender binary where you like men and women. It's referring to anything non-unary. Unary: one.  Non-unary: like pansexual. 

You're missing some of the benefits of sex. The benefits of having sex and the reasons to have sex are two different ideas. I've listed the benefits to having sex. The University of Texas at Austin listed the reasons, 237 reasons people have sex, which I've linked to below.

Do you regret plugging Dan Savage? This is another one I've thought out and posted below. If you are interested in taking what you like and arguing about the rest, please go ahead and read it.

Homeopathy? Shame on you Lindsey. Well now, this is uncomfortable. I've essentially been told you're going to harass me until I respond to this. Don't do that. Let's remember, if I'm not responding, it's because I haven't gotten to your message yet. Remember, thousands of messages! Or, I've given your answer already, or someone has made a rude comment related to the topic and I need space.

This is an example of a homeopathic remedy for cold sores. Not your thing? That's okay. Two Nobel peace prize winners,  a professor of emeritus at Cambridge University, the National Institute of Health, Web MD, my local grocery store and the Food & Drug Association do not discount homeopathy. Please quit bullying me, not cool. We could all be wrong, but there's still no shame in that. I just like giving people choices!

What does the fox say?! When beetles fight these battles on a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle, beetle battle, noodle... beetle poodle, tweedle poodle, beetle noodle.

What are the origins of the word pussy and cum? I think you'd really appreciate the book Sexy Origins and Intimate Things by Charles Panati. He's got it, right in here.

Does me being primarily attracted to a certain race make me racist? Sure doesn't, unless you also think they don't deserve equal rights.

What does it mean to explore one's sexuality? Asking questions of yourself and others! Who and what, if anything, am I attracted to; how I like my body to be touched and treated; in what ways do I feel comfortable expressing my desires? Is it doing things that other people think are deviant? It's like playing the game Hotter, Colder. Hotter, hotter, boiling!

How do you tell a guy that you wanna give him a blowjob in the backseat of your car? "I want to give you a blowjob in the back of your car." "Okay." "Okay, yes?" "Hell yes."

What is love? Wheezywaiter teaches that you must "look into your heart. Look into your heart, heart, heart. Look into your heart, heart heart, heart." Anthropologists like Lindholm and Fisher describe it as spontaneous, total and foundless primitive idealization of another. I quite like Antoine de St. Exupery's suggestion that "perhaps love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself." Love is one of the top ten reasons why people have sex; number five for women and number eight for men.

I was hurt sexually, how do I learn to love sex again? In your own way, of course, perhaps starting with the circle of things you do have control over and the things you don't. Then, make a Want/Will/Won't list of the expectations you have about loving again. I made you one!

Well that was exhilarating! Thank you to those of you who asked questions and encouraged me to respond.  Thank you also to everyone who has contributed to Subbable. We are rocking it!