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MLA Full: "I'm Having a Lot of Feelings." YouTube, uploaded by vlogbrothers, 15 October 2019,
MLA Inline: (vlogbrothers, 2019)
APA Full: vlogbrothers. (2019, October 15). I'm Having a Lot of Feelings [Video]. YouTube.
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Chicago Full: vlogbrothers, "I'm Having a Lot of Feelings.", October 15, 2019, YouTube, 03:37,
In which John makes an old-fashioned vlogbrothers video, complete with airports and hotel room floors. Topics discussed include the Looking for Alaska limited series (coming to Hulu October 18th), the Let it Snow movie (coming to Netflix Nov. 8th), and nerdfighteria's forthcoming project with Partners in Health Sierra Leone.

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Good morning,  Hank, it's Tuesday. It's actually not Tuesday, but it will be in the fullness of time. It is, however, morning. Like, 5 'o'clock in the morning. And in a stunning turn of events, I find myself in an airport. 

(?~0:09)This is going to be like an old-school Vlogbrothers video, where I talk about my feelings a lot. I have a lot of feelings right now. Not really good feelings or bad feelings, just a lot of them. (?~0:16) So I'm on my way to Los Angeles, to promote the "Looking for Alaska" show, which comes out this Friday, or Saturday in some places, and I just got very anxious that TSA was going to look in my backpack, and ask me about these weird Pizza John Halloween masks.

(?~0:28)And I kept imagining these long conversations where I would try to explain the entire history of Pizza John, and how I came to have a Halloween mask of my own mustachioed face inside my backpack, but fortunately, I just got through TSA no problem.  (?~0:39)By the way, these are available at if you are looking for a properly horrifying Halloween costume, but, I'm on a tangent.  (?~0:46)Okay, hold on, I have to go to Los Angeles.  (?~0:48)Greetings from the floor of a hotel room that is very near the interstate.(?~0:50) Right, so the Looking for Alaska show comes out of Friday or Saturday, and the reviews so far have been really good. (?~0:56)Vulture called it the rare adaptation that improves upon the original.

(?~0:59)Hypable said that the shows' commitment to the heart of the books makes for a wonderful experience for Green's fans and newcomers alike. 

(?~1:06)Now, I did not make the show, but I do remember just over two years ago waiting for the reviews of "Turtles All the Way Down" to come in with a constant overwhelming nausea, so I am happy and relieved for the people who did make the show. 

(?~1:18)Also, I've just seen the Netflix adaptation of "Let it Snow", a book wherein miracle Mareen Johnson and I wrote like, 11 years ago, and the movie is so sweet, and heartwarming, and lovely, and the cast is amazing. (?~1:29)It comes out on November 8th on Netflix,(?~1:32) and the other thing that is happening right now is the forthcoming announcement of our big project with Partners in Health Sierra Leon, which has a lot of moving parts, and is very exciting, but also very overwhelming. (?~1:42)For the last two years working with Partners in Health on this project in Sierra Leon has really given my life a sense of purpose and direction which has been a wonderful gift to me, but now, it is about to be announced that I am definitely feeling a little anxious.

(?~1:54)Then again, everything is making me feel anxious at the moment. I'm like a piano that had a lot of different keys, but only plays one note. Which brings me, belatedly, to the point.

(?~2:05)Or, at least, a point.  I used to think personality was stagnant. Like when I was young, I thought I was in the process of being formed over time, and then once adulthood hit, and the cement of my self dried, I'd become this unchanging thing. 

(?~2:19)And in some ways, this belief kind of comforted me, because I had so much emotional instability in my teens and twenties that I really craved that imagined changelessness of adulthood. 

(?~2:29)But that just hasn't been my experience of adulthood. I mean, I see the world very differently from how I did five or ten or fifteen years ago, even though I've been an adult that whole time. (?~2:39)There are lots of examples of this, but one is that even ten years ago, I mostly saw my anxiety as like, an embarrassing character weakness.  (?~2:48)And if I talked about it at all, it was usually to make fun of it, and by extension, to make fun of myself.

(?~2:53)But now, I understand my anxiety as part of a brain disorder that I have. (?~2:58)Which isn't my fault. Or, at least, I usually understand that.  (?~3:02)Maybe in the future, I will understand my anxiety differently.

(?~3:05)I don't know. I know that I am done growing up, but I hope that I am not done growing.  (?~3:10)Now, better understanding my anxiety is not really... like... reducing my anxiety. But... ah, I mean, I really want to have a "but" at the end of that sentence except I...I don't really have one right now. 
(?~3:23)Alright, I got one: But this is temporary, and I will be okay. And so will you.

(?~3:28)If there is one thing we know about the universe, it's that this is temporary. 

(?~3:33)Hank, I'll see you on Friday.