Good Morning, Hank.

It's Wednesday. It actually, no, actually it is Wednesday. I was gonna say it's actually Tuesday, and I'm recording this on Tuesday night because I'm about to take a plane to London, and I'm packing, and I'm like sort of up in the middle of the night, and I was gonna say it was actually Tuesday, but it is actually Wednesday now.

And it's like 2:30 in the morning, and I am recording my video because I am not going to get punished. If you're expecting anything that's even remotely as complicated as, as you saw on Friday, what I need you to do is now to reach into your tube screens, and you just turn your expectation meters down. Keep turning them down, down, and down because there's no such nonsense this week.

Things are just crazy here; they're nuts. So I wanna thank you all because I've been reading your comments on the last video, and they are really, really great. And a lot of people had a lot of constructive criticism about things, like the incredibly apocalyptic lighting and things like that.

And I'm trying to fix that this week, and I hope that it's a lot better. But I did notice in reading through the comments that 80% of the comments contained one thing in common that I realize is the thing that YouTube has in common with little baby Henry Green. Namely that you are both very, very interested in boobs.

The most common comment was, "Oh, my god. I didn't know John Green had boobs. Did you know John Green had boobs?

Oh, my god. John Green had boobs. When did John Green get boobs?" You guys, the man just had a baby.

Come on... You gotta expect that. So, I was in the New York Times this week.

My picture was in it, and it turns out that I was centerfold in the front Global page or whatever. And it was totally this weird flukey thing that happened that I feel like I really have to, kind of explain. You see, earlier, sort of like at the end of last year, I convinced my publisher that it would be a really, really awesome idea to give away free e-books of my book, Suite Scarlett.

Four, in like a couple weeks, whatever we could possibly manage. Because I think that there's a huge benefit to giving away free books and materials whenever possible. Because, like John, I think the coming revolution of e-books and all of these other ways that books can be delivered and distributed to people is going to radically change the way we read.

And we have to embrace it. Because if all the rumors are true, then today Apple will be announcing the Apple tablet. And not since the time of Moses has humanity been this excited about the appearance of a tablet.

I, myself, am pretty excited about it. I'm probably going to buy one. But, of course, I'm not going to buy one on the first day because you know whenever they put these new products out, there's always something wrong with them.

Like they accidentally include a button that blows up the moon or something. And also, free books are kind of good, you know? Like those big buildings where they keep them, and people can go in and check them out and, like, read them for no cost.

What are they called again? Oh, right, libraries: the building blocks of society. There's all kinds of good stuff going on there.

Anyway, I had all these really, really good ideas, but then something went terribly, terribly wrong in the middle of the interview. And do you want to know why? Because in the middle of the interview, I got distracted 'cause I looked over and noticed my Rob Pattinson Annual for 2010.

Never make a Rob Pattinson to the New York Times. Because no matter what else you say, they will only quote you on the Rob Pattinson joke no matter what it is you were talking about. I've been warned about this.

People tell me that whenever you do an interview no matter what it is you say, you can say purely brilliant things for an hour, they will only quote you on the stupidest thing you say. And this turns out to be 100% true. Because I have to wrap this up really quickly.

Like, I've got my suitcases behind me, and, and I've got a book due. I'm finishing Thirteen Little Blue Envelopes, too. And I've got Scarlett Fever coming out on Monday, and there's craziness going on.

I want to quickly address the problem of what Hank should name his dog. And I think that the answer has already been clearly provided by YouTube, and all of you have spoken. And I've asked you, and the conclusion is that, Hank, you should name your dog Boobs.

Because, seriously, how awesome would it be to have a dog named Boobs? 'cause you could get away with, like, tons of stuff. You could go in the park and be like, "Come here, Boobs. Who's a good, oh, such a Boobs.

Such Boobs. I'm looking for Boobs. Boobs?

Anyone seen Boobs?" You can do so much. If you don't name your dog Boobs, I think you're going to be letting Nerdfighteria down. And that's all I have to say about that matter, Hank.

Hank. I'll see you on Friday.