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In which John talks about movies starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The Wimbly Womblys take on Crystal Palace.

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Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys who today are taking on Crystal Palace, our South London rivals. Oh, this is exciting. Meredith, who could have imagined in 2001 when this club had to be reformed after the man who's name must not be spoken moved the franchise that used to play in South London to, um, Milton Keynes. Who could've imagined when this club was reformed via tryouts on the Wimbledon Common, a public park, that just... 17 short years later we would be playing our rivals Crystal Palace with a man named Butterfield back in the Premier League. 

It is a wonderful time to be alive, my friends! Um, my mouth hurts so bad, just, just putting that out there to start. Today I'm going to review movies that The Rock stars in. As you can see right here! We are in... I didn't- could you tell where we were? Wha? 4th?! We were in 4th for real?! Oh god, Meredith, all we have to do keep going and we'll finish in 4th, right? So now we control our own destiny. Are you sure we were in 4th? 

Look it's Ginger Rampage, Meredith, he made it to the Premier League! Remember old Ginger Rampage? Remember? Oh, Ginger Rampage, it's great to see him doing well. You know who else is doing really well that I'm really proud of? French de Lalalalalalalana. He plays for Liverpool, he's great. Also, Stone Cold Cteve with a C Austin made his way all the way to the Premier League. In fact, I think he might play for Crystal Palace. I don't remember. 

Anyway, today- Meredith's favorite movie star is a young man named The Rock. Is that correct, Meredith? Would you say that you have a crush on The Rock? Would you marry The Rock? Would you really? Can I ask you a serious question? If, uh? That question was not serious. I don't think you'd really marry The Rock. You don't know what you're getting into! Here's the serious question though.

If you were at a party with The Rock, as I recently was, and The Rock said to you- is The Rock married? Mm I bet not. And The Rock said to you, uh, Meredith "I, I wanna make out"... is this awkward? What's awkward about it? I'm sorry, am I making it weird? If The Rock was like "I wanna make out. I'm a 48 year old bodybuilder and I wanna make out with you." What would you say?

I don't know if that's his pick up line, but I know- that's what he used on me. Um, but I don't know if he uses it all the time or if that was kind of a- he knew it was, he knew that I love 48 year old bodybuilders, so he might've been tailoring it towards me. But what would you say? You would say yes?! But he's- what about, yeah I was going to say. What about your boyfriend? Okay in this- I'm saying right now. Tomorrow you're at a bar in Indianapolis and The Rock is there and he, he asks you to make out. Nothing serious, just some kissing. She would, she would- wow. You heard it here first, Tim! 

Oh no! I'm going to give up a goal to Crystal Palace... No! Oh, thank god, alright. Let's review The Rock's movies, Meredith. Uh, The Net? The Net?! Oh, with Sandra Bullock?! He was in that movie? That was a fantastic film! Um, what I liked most about it is the way that it portrayed the internet as this terrifying, threatening thing. Like, it was right at the beginning of the internet era, you know. And it was like, uh, "The net will ensnare us all!" and then, of course, the net did exactly that 'cause it's awesome. Um, he was in that movie? With Sandra- Sandy Bullock? 

My favorite thing about, uh, Sandra Bullock is that everyone in Hollywood calls her Sandy Bullock because they pretend to know her. I just find that- always find that amusing when, uh, Hollywood people were like "Oh, oh, you mean Sandy?" and I'm like "You don't know her! C'mon, get your head" Oh! Dicko was apparently offside even though he almost scored. Ginger Rampage looks great! I'm so happy to see him! It's not my fault that Ginger Rampage touched the ball before Dicko did. 

Uh, yeah, I thought The Net, The Net- it's SO dated. You should rewatch it. Um, and it shows The Rock- what The Rock looked like 17 years ago, Meredith. His arms are like half the size they are now. What's next? The Mummy Returns. Oh god. Maybe the only movie ever made better than The Mummy is The Mummy Returns. I love, what's his name? Brandon... remember that fellow? Yeah, very square jawed. Brendan Fraser- what's he up to these days? He played a caveman once in a film I enjoyed a great deal. 

(Laughs) What? Out of context, that's a weird quote. Um, but I think if I- if Brendan Fraser heard that, he'd probably be delighted. He probably would be like "I'm quite proud of my caveman work in that film." Oh, saved off the line! Am I talking about what? George of the Jungle! Yes, I'm sorry, he played a, uh, he played George of the Jungle. Thanks, you're correct. 

Oh, that's a no- Deeney! Deeney put the ball in the net! Deeney! Deeney, we worked our way to 4th via a massive victory over Manchester United. And then you can't get the frickin' ball on the frickin' target! Deeney... do you think he drank last night? Ahh! Deeney you can't go out before a game! Oh, it's so frustrating. He's so talented, Meredith, but he's a troubled, troubled man. 

Um... alright, what's next? The Scorpion King, another great Rock movie! You're right, he has been in a lot of good movies! Oh, when are we going to get to the one where he plays the tooth fairy? 'Cause he was fantastic in that. Didn't you think he was really good? I was like "Man, this is such a heartfelt movie!" Like he can do, he can do hard action, serious stuff and he can play the tooth fairy? What can't he do? We should just call this video "In Praise of The Rock". He is a great man. 

We gave up a corner kick. I don't know why we aren't beating Crystal Palace. I think it's just because I keep thinking about The Rock and I feel so affectionately toward him. When I shook his hand at the MTV Movie Awards, not to brag, he's just, I mean, he was so kind. He said such nice things about the movie and he was just, I don't know, I was just really impressed with the guy. I really was, genuinely impressed. 

Speaking of genuinely impressed, I'll be genuinely impressed with Deeney if he scores here! Ah! Oh, Meredith, we're over committing at the front because we know we need to win this game! This- the victory against Manchester United means nothing if we don't win this one. That's one of the things that I told the guys. I'm going to have a stern talk in the half time locker room. Um, what's next? The Rundown? Oh, wait! Is that the movie where, like, somebody's kidnapped and The Rock is sent to go find them? Oh my god. That movie is legitimately so good. It's a little sexist, it's so good though.

Have you seen it? Meredith, how can you claim to be a fan of The Rock when you haven't even seen any of his work? Did you just like him in his, uh, in his- "I can smell- can you smell what The Rock is cooking" WWE days? When... you just like his face? So you're not really- and his muscles- you're not really a fan of... makes sense. Are you really a fan of, like, gigantic muscles? Makes sense, 'cause your, uh, your boyfriend is just massive. He's cut like a, like a stone god. Sorry what were we talking about? The Rundown, great movie. 

Oh! Almost scored a goal from 45 yards away. Um, uh... yeah. I don't know, I thought that it was pretty good. What did you think? You didn't see it. Clearly- did you see, did you see the G.I. Joe movie that he was in? I know 'cause I saw it with you. I feel like the only time you've ever seen movies with The Rock in them is when I made you go! Did you just call it Fast and the Furious? Did you just call it Fast and the Furious? No, it's The Fast and the Furious, 2 the's. It's not the same difference. You're talking about a completely different movie franchise. 

Have I told you my, uh, my theory that The Fast and the Furious is, other than Star Wars and Star Trek, is the third greatest movie franchise in the history of, uh, cinema? No, Star Wars and Star Trek are better. Although the first 3 Star Wars, I mean, the Star Wars Prequels, to be fair, are not as nearly as good as the most recent, uh, Fast and Furious movies. I- Fast 5-7 are amazing! Like, they're like, next level good. Yeah, true works of art. 

Should I make substitutions? It's the 60th minute. Alright I should. Who should I bring on? I should definitely take off Deeney, she says, and I couldn't agree more. The guy is completely incompetent today. Um, admittedly I am also incompetent because there's literally nothing I like talking about in the world more than The Rock. Meredith, we should do a whole series of videos that's just about The Rock.

Movie club, yes! Huh? We're going to do a podcast- Meredith and I are going to do a podcast called Movie Club. But it turns out, it's not about movies in general, it's just about The Rock's movies. Could we possibly call it, um... We Can Smell What He Is Cooking? Go, Seb Brown! Oh, thank you Sebbie, thank you Sebbie. That was heroic! Seb Brown! Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Deeney! Oh, he dribbles it in! That was the worse shot I've ever seen in my life! And his last kick of the game is a beautiful goal! 

Deeney! He get's, he get's substituted off and he's motivated by assistant coach Meredith, and he scores a goal to put us 1 up on Crystal Palace! We're going to still be in 4th! Oh, this is beautiful! 3 substitutions all at once, literally Deeney's last touch of the ball. And, I mean, have you ever seen a less impressive shot? My god, that went in about as- I can't finish the sentence. 

Um, what's next, Meredith? Be Cool, I haven't seen that one. It's incredibly exciting. What's it about? There's a Rock movie I haven't seen? How good is it? Really good?! Great?! Or perfect? that's a good move from Francombstein. Good stuff from Francombstein to John Green! It's 2 - nil! It's 2 - nil! Oh, do the robot! Do the robot! "He's big, he's tough, he has a ginger puff, Other John Green, Other John Green!" 

Oh man, what's that movie about? John Travolta? Hm... it's a thing I like and a thing I don't like, it's interesting. It'd be interesting to see if I liked the movie. Um, I hate movies about movies. It's one of my pet peeves. There's nothing people, you know, because people who make movies, I don't want to generalize, but they tend to be a little self-involved. And there is nothing that they like more than making movies about movies because it's just, like you know, it's just wonderful for them. 

That's not a bad ball. That's not a bad ball! Shoot from the- oh! John Green! He's big and strong- oh! Double save! What's next, Meredith? Doom?! Not good, I hate to say it. Have you seen it? I mean you've got so many Rock movies to watch! What we've really emerged from this video with is the knowledge that Meredith, um, has so much learning still to do about the genius that is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Um, it's exciting. I'm so excited for you. 

Uh... what's next? No! He hit the post! The Gridiron Gang?! Great film, have you seen it? Meredith! You're the worst Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fan I've ever met! It's terrible! She hasn't even seen the Gridiron Gang. Oh! Almost through to Bald John Green in the 77th minute. At this point, ladies and gentlemen, we're just having fun. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh! Is the fun going to stop?! 
Nope, no it's not. 

Hey, Callum Kennedy's on the ball. I've been thinking- that's just a terrible pass that he just made. I've been thinking a lot Callum Kennedy, Meredith. Can we just take- can we pause from our, um, odes to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? Oh, crap burger! Schmoog-a-boog! Campaña?! I thought that was a drink not a person! It's a nice goal though. Oh, that was pretty! I gotta say Girls Just Wanna Have Fundingsrud should've done a little bit better there. 

Can we pause to talk about Callum Kennedy though, Meredith? Callum Kennedy plays almost every single game for the Wimbly Womblys. Unlike all of our other players, he seems to never get tired. Oh, terrible pass! We can't give them the ball. We need to win this game! Guys! Oh, schnood, schnood! Oh, Seb Brown! Oh god. Probably should've hit the X button there. Probably not a time to, uh, to stand on my pride. 

Here's what I wanted to say about Callum Kennedy and we'll talk more about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a future video because I'm glad to know that there's so many movies you haven't seen. Maybe we could watch some together. He's just such a great guy. But, um, I uh... Callum Kennedy plays almost every game, he never gets tired, he never complains. Do you know that he still plays even though we're in the Premier League? He still plays for $1,750 per week? 

We've got guys who are on like $30,000 per week and Callum Kennedy is like "I'd rather that money go to the club. This is a team owned by it's fans. I don't want to take money away from our supporters. Um, all I need to- it's more than enough for me to live on. And I know that I'll always have a job with this club that I love." That's the kind of person that he is. And he's not- I mean look, like we make fun of his haircut and stuff and like that becomes the defining feature of him. He plays almost every game, he never whines, never complains. He's never one of the people sending me an email about his wages or his playing time or saying that he's tired or any of that. All he does is win. So this one's for Callum Kennedy! 

Oh, Ginger Rampage devastated! He's on the ground! Wow, Crystal Palace, really? I think, kinda overreacting to the loss, it's okay guys! Oh no! Just wow! Butterfield?! What's going on, Meredith? We've been forced to look into the abyss! Geez! All I did was win the game, I'm sorry guys! I didn't know it meant that much! Maybe they just got relegated or something. I've never seen a team so sad after a loss. They were playing really hard, like they really wanted to win. Now I feel guilty. 

Anyway, thanks to Callum Kennedy. This victory is for him. My apologies to Crystal Palace, but you know, suck it nerds! Um... great win, Deeney- look at that! That was the worst shot I've ever seen go into the back of a net. Uh, thank you guys for watching. Uh, god speed to Callum Kennedy and to The Rock. Best Wishes.