[intro]

Lindsey: Dear Audience, you're on my mind a lot for three main reasons, which I think would be helpful for you to know:

The first is that when I have a sexual experience, or a friend tells me about one of their's, I want to tell you what I learned immediately. During sex or right before or right after, I'll have this insight, and then I want to record it to give you an on-the-scene investigative report. This how the "A-spot" video came to be, and my "sex surprises," and "boner vs. condoms" - something happens, like a friend's hysterectomy or a partner's back-to-back ejaculations, and I get all curious and excited wanting to talk it out with you. With you, with you! With you.

It's like sexuality is the transfer station for all the neural pathways in my brain and you're the passengers who I want to transport. In many ways I have been for almost 8 years of Sexplanations. Over 400 videos isn't conjured from my education, reading textbooks, and sitting in classes - these episodes are inspired by my life and wanting to share that with you! So, that's the first reason that you're on my mind.

The second reason is that I feel a responsibility to educate you and your communities. Like, in a way, your sexual health and orgasms feel like they're in my hands. I get that I'm one person with the same hours of everyone else, but when I find out that there are still people who don't know that it's hygienic to pull back the foreskin of the penis and the clitoris around puberty and to regularly remove smegma to increase mobility and pleasure, I feel guilty. Shit, I gotta work! There's work to do!

I don't think about you shaming me or even being upset. The reason I think about you in these moments is because you've proven yourselves to be extraordinarily gentle, patient, and supportive. I think about you to calm down and reset myself trusting that I'm doing what I can. And there are those of you who know this, and then you also help in your own ways to help pass messages along so that I'm not a lone activist.

For example, routine infant circumcision: As a kid and a young adult, I didn't question it, but then I learned and researched and studied and asked questions, and I listened to histories and perspectives to determine that routine infant circumcision is a form of child abuse - sexual abuse. And I struggle every day that I don't spend more time to end it. To stop it completely. As you know, which you'll see in the comments, some people aren't ready for this (?~2:15) disequilibrium, and I'm not mentally or physically capable of a global behavior change movement.

So, I think about you; I imagine you talking to your siblings who are expecting new babies and asking them what they're going to do if their baby has a penis or telling them what they're gonna do. I take a deep breath of hope almost every day because this is a big deal to me, and I trust that fewer infants are having their dicks cut off because of us. Because of you! Feel free to let me know in the comments if this is true. Life goals: End routine infant circumcision, decriminalize and destigmatize sex work. [exhales] We've got this.

Okay. The third reason you're on my mind is that you've started a conversation with me, and I haven't responded. 1,337 messages in one inbox 664 in another, 211 in a third, and that doesn't include Facebook or Tumblr or Instagram or the YouTube comments. And this is with the help of multiple people going through my inbox and responding, writing messages [laughing] this is still what's left over! Much of what you write takes great courage and effort; you're asking for help about delicate issues like rape, pregnancy, aging, relationships, changes to your bodies, and shame you've experienced.

I'm so touched that so many of you come to me for this. But touched and perplexed and embarrassed. I still don't know how to respond and take care of myself. So, often, I will open the message, start to read that one of you is in crisis or merely asking to connect with someone you trust for your sex questions, and then I close the page unable to say anything or even cut and paste a heartfelt bulk message saying what I'm trying to communicate now. That's not cool.

Those of you, the ones who send messages and reach out, write your stories and questions in the comments, I think about you! And I take another deep breath of hope that when I say, "Stay curious," you'll know to reach out to other resources and find your way. You deserve the help. Part of the reason for me letting you know that you're in my thoughts now is to acknowledge where I may have let you down. Accept where I am with you in my head, but also to be more accountable for a better solution.

You've been my professional inspiration for almost 8 years. I work for you. I work with you. I'm grateful for your presence up here [points to head], and I will continue to stay curious on how that continues to be a positive part of my life. For now, just know I'm thinking of you, and I don't mean any harm. Yours curiously, Dr. Doe.

[outro]