Good Morning John, its Monday March 8th. Let me make this 100%, satisfaction guaranteed, 100% or your money back, with ZeFrank as my witness, I will get a tattoo of dog poop on this pathetic bicep if I am proved wrong.

I did not put poop in the Nintendo.

Let me outline the specifics of this argument.

One. I don't know, who wants to touch dog poop, ever, in their lives? I have never touched dog poop without someone else requesting I do it. So if I put poop in the Nintendo, it's because Jesus came and told me to do it. Or Mom. And I cannot imagine either Jesus or Mom telling me to put poop in the Nintendo.

Second. Red Green was a very intelligent and bad dog. When I was in high school, I got a black light because it was the 90's when I was in high school. Yeah.
And I don't know if you know this, but no matter how much you clean a pee spot, it still glows in the black light. Well I got this black light and I brought it home and over the years, Red had peed hundreds of times in my room. You know, you clean it up and it starts to get routine and you don't realize how many times its happening. But the point here is that Red Green pooped and peed over pretty much every square inch of our home and it was only a matter of time before some of it got in the Nintendo.

Three. It is very normal for dogs to identify important items and want to mark them, and its clear that the Nintendo was a very important item in our house and that was not gonna slip past Red.

Fourth. theladyspies left a comment on your video saying that her Mom's Beagle - which is very similar to a dachshund- loves to poop in weird places. Like on the area of the shower that you have to step over to get out of the shower and on paint cans and on the vacuum cleaner.

Finally, the most obvious reason why I did not put poop in the Nintendo is because it was not, as you say, your Nintendo, it was our Nintendo.
It was my Nintendo too and I loved it and I would never have done anything to endanger it. I mean if you love something so much, you don't want to put poop in it. It would be like you, in the ninth grade, putting poop inside of Jennifer Wilson. You loved her. Why would you put poop in her? Okay, so this just went somewhere I didn't want it to go, so lets just call it that Hank didn't put poop in the Nintendo and we'll move onto the second part of the video.

I went to a friend's house last night and we watched The Oscars. I don't know why I did that. I'm not really interested at all in The Oscars. But several interesting things did happen. One, Alec Baldwin was co-hosting. Swoon. Second, I found out that eighty year old astronaut Buzz Aldrin is going to be on "Dancing With The Stars". Well you have to wonder, will he do, the moonwalk. Yeah! But most importantly, the person who's house we were over at is an egg farmer. Cos I live in Montana where people have professions like "egg farmer". This is Heather.

Hank: How many eggs do you get a month?
Heather: Oh well I get about 100 a day so that would be...
Hank and Heather: 3000 a month.
Hank: So when you have 3000 eggs a month, sometimes you get some abnormalities. Tiny egg, gigantic egg. (Heather cracks the egg open) Two yolks!

Two yolks. In one egg. Which is pretty rare and absolutely delicious. Definitely the most enjoyable part of the evening. Even more enjoyable than watching James Cameron's ex-wife kick his ass all over those academy awards. And let me just leave you with this once picture of John and me and Maggie and Red from the late 90's. John, I will see you tomorrow.