Good morning John, I'm about to sing you a song but first I have a couple of things to tell you.

First: my hands are kinda permanently red. And you'll find out why later.

Second: mostly i want to say thank you to everyone who helped me out with this. There are a lot of different parts in this song, but I can't play any of them, so i had nerdfighters do it for me. So thank you to Paige, Derling, Danielle, Elisiah, Morgan and Kevin for all of your amazing Irish fiddling and penny whistle playing. I'm sorry I couldn't use everybody's, there were some problems with sound and with actually getting the video to work in my computer. So I just used what i could use. Thank you to all of you, you did an amazing job.

Lastly, before I share this song I want to talk a little bit about squirrel linguistics. You may or may not know this but squirrels, they speak. Cruchla crcruchler chrr crurlarr - little squirrel noises. But in addition, the way that we have, like, eyebrow movements and, like, facial expressions. They have tail movements. And the tail movements are extremely important in squirrel talking. And squirrels, though you may not know this, have names. And each name consists of a vocal component and a tail movement.

And this song is about a squirrel, named Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*.

Oh, there's a lot of ways to die,
Under ireland's sky.
But the worst way, by far,
Might be a bit of a surprise.
I'd rather be knifed in a bar,
Or hit by a car,
Than meet my end lookin' into her eyes.

And hear the cries,
Of my demise,
My last goodbyes.

Oh, she's a six ounce ball of blood muscle and fur,
And she's the evilest thing, in this or any world.
And you better start running, if you ever see her,
She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

Well I was at the county fair,
And Scuzzy Kizoozle was there.
She was slicing through the crowd,
like a mower mowing lawns.
I watched the people fall,
To her razor sharp claws,
and then she was right there in my face,
Before I knew what was goin' on.

I raised my arm,
And tried to run,
But I was stunned!

Well she's a six ounce ball of blood muscle and fur,
And she's the evilest thing, in this or any world.
And you better start running, if you ever see her,
She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

Well her teeth sank into my arm,
And everything but pain was gone,
And I looked down at
Her bloodstained fangs.
She looked into my eyes,
The fear war paralizin', I
felt the blood running from my veins.

And oh, the pain,
And oh, the pain,
and oh, the pain!

Well she's a six ounce ball of blood muscle and fur,
And she's the evilest thing, in this or any world.
And you better start running, if you ever see her,
She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

I'm only alive today,
by God's grace.
I'm the only man who's met with her
And lived to tell the tale.
But I keep my eyes wide,
she'll never be denied.
Until the day I die
She'll be right there on my tail.

O'er hill or dale,
Through rain and hail,
She will prevail!

Well she's a six ounce ball of blood muscle and fur,
And she's the evilest thing, in this or any world.
And you better start running, if you ever see her,
She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

She's Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*,
The homicidal squirrel.

John, I'll... What is that?
Arhh, arhhhhh, arh, arhhh, arh.

Scuzzy Kizoozle *curl*:
Mha,ha,ha,ha.
Ha,ha,ha,ha.