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Uploaded:2013-09-04
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In which Lindsey shares her helpful suggestions for dealing with anger related to sexual injustices. One involves a circle; the other uses highlighters.

Five Stages of Grief: http://www.hdsa.org/images/content/1/3/13080.pdf

You can ask Lindsey Questions at:
https://www.facebook.com/sexplanations
http://twitter.com/elleteedee
http://tumblingdoe.tumblr.com

Host: Dr. Lindsey Doe
http://www.youtube.com/sexplanations

Directing/Filming/Editing: Nicholas Jenkins
http://www.youtube.com/thelonelydirector

Titles: Michael Aranda
http://www.youtube.com/michaelaranda

Executive Producer: Hank Green
http://www.youtube.com/hankschannel

Music Used In This Episode: Go Cart by Kevin MacLeod
http://www.incompetech.com
Today we're going to talk about getting pissed off about sex, because part of world suck is sex suck, and I don't like it.

(Intro)

Oooooooh - there's so much to get angry about, Right!?
Pitiful, harmful sex education. Jilting pap smears. Painful sex, especially the swords and torches kind. Infections. Cosmetic baby-cutting, coughs*circumcision*coughs. Then all the issues relating to body-not-cooperating, like not having orgasms, or an erection, or a penis.

There are hundreds of other woes that I scroll through daily. You guys expecting your sexualities and relationships to be different than they really are. Let's get so mad!

(breathes heavily)

Now what?
Now we find our power, what we do have control over. Sometimes I think my power is being loud or mean, I think that by throwing this huge temper tantrum I'm going to get what I want. But the result is usually short lived and chocked-full of resentments. I end up creating more world-suck, which is not what I want at all.

So the better way is honest power, sans-manipulation.

A big circle in the center, in the circle I write down what I can control: creating a want-will-won't list, what I wear, which pronouns I use, exploring my body, playing, laughing, how I spend my time, masturbating, looking at my intentions, and subscribing to Sexplanations, sex+, and Vlogbrothers.

On the outside of the circle, I write down what's out of my control: what I was taught; my past choices; hell, the past; how people treat, and view me; the political climate; my attractions, and social expectations; the mixed-messages I get; the misinformation in the media; world-suck; sex-suck.

So once its right in front of me, and I've organized it like this I know where to put my attention and energy.
What's in the circle! What's in the circle! What's in the circle!

Noticeable changes right away, because I am working on my work, rather than trying to manage the things that are out of my control.

Here's a breakdown of what I can and can't control about circumcision. There are many other formats for this if you're not a huge circle fan.

Something I recommend to clients is journal style with highlighters. Right out your experience with the sexual injustice. Then, with three highlighters mark up what you do have control over -orange, what you don't have control over -green, and what you're unsure about - pink - or blue or purple!

Then, focus on the orange!

One more thing: this all started with anger. So while I'm guiding to take an inventory of your anger, and act in a constructive manner, I also want to honor the anger.

No matter what you do to try to heal, fix, correct, sort this all out, you're going to have to grieve. I've attached a link to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of loss and grief. You're already at the second one if you're pissed off.

You're going to make progress here in your own time. Try not to get stuck. Keep pushing through it. Feel your feelings. And if you need help and resources, let us know.