Hello and welcome to Hank Games Without Hank. I manage the seventeenth place AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys, sitting on seven points. All is not well in Wimbly Wombly land! I feel like we've been playing alright, um, but we haven't been playing great.

(0:15) Uh, we're starting Dicko and Who Deeney again, because... You know, we love, we love Dicko. That's his name. And um, it's hard to imagine living without the magic of Who Deeney as well, so uh, we're starting them. I'm playing Bald John Green out on- or Other John Green out on the left again, and then I'm planning to make some half-time substitutions maybe. That doesn't seem to be working though... I don't know. I'm feeling frustrated, alone and confused!

(0:42) Today, um, I'm gonna talk about something from my book, The Fault in our Stars, this book that I wrote a few years ago. Um, there's a thing in the book that's not really in the movie as much, um, where, basically... Uh, Augustus, or Gus, depending on how far along in the book you're meeting him... Augustus calls the narrator of the book, Hazel Grace Lancaster, and Hazel just calls herself Hazel, like- early on in the book, she says that she likes people who have two names. Um, or have- oh, God. Really, Fundingsrud? Really, girls just wanna have Fundingsrud, if we give up a goal here, it's all your fault! Oh no, nice tackle.

(1:25) Um, she says that she likes people who have two names, because you can kind of like, choose- um, what to call them. Gus or Augustus. And that she's always been just Hazel, there's no sort of- there's no nickname for Hazel usually. And uh, I think she even refers to herself as univalent.

(1:43) Oh, off the post! Dicko! (laughs) Dicko hits the post! It's brutal. Brutal. It should have been a goal, but uh, Dicko was just a little bit off. Um. Didn't quite hit the sweet spot. Uh. So.

(2:03) This is um, this is intended to be um, pretty clearly like, you know, she thinks of herself as only being the one thing, or the one name, and not like- part of her feeling like she's kind of extraordinarily uninteresting. That aside from the fact that she's sick, that she's a sort of, very average person in every other way. Um. Now, that's not true at all, um, as hopefully becomes clear in the book...

(2:31) Oooooh! Dicko! Oh, my goodness. You can't hear me?! I'm screaming as loud as I can, Dicko! Oh, it was beautiful! Oh, God! Sweet holy lord, one pink shoe, one blue shoe and just Dicko-ed it! Oh, he just Dicko-ed it! Oh. That was a beautiful, beautiful Dicko goal. Oh, my God. He just hit it pure power. He just hit it right- exactly right, Meredith! Um, that's how you score a goal.

(3:04) And then that's a nice tackle! What- it's not a foul! Really? You're gonna give me a yellow card for being incredible good looking?! Francombstein says "I am a doctor, not a monster!" Um. It was a little bit late.

(3:16) So, this becomes the thing that he calls her, that no one else calls her. You know, Hazel Grace. And it becomes sort of a way of her hopefully um, understanding that, you know, she isn't just one thing to all people, and Gus, you know... Gus imagines her differently, um, than maybe other people have imagined her, and gives her a little more credit than other people have given her. Um, and that's supposed to be their special thing.

(3:46) Similarly, you know, Augustus is the name of Roman emperors. Every Roman emperor had Augustus somewhere in the name, so it's an imperial name... Whereas Gus is like a little kid's name, at least in my imagination. You know, it's a small name. Literally and figuratively. There's something that feels, to me at least, kiddish about it. Although I have lots of adult friends named Gus, for the record.

(4:07) Oh, speaking of records! Ooooooh, it's Deeney! It's magic! Who Deeney! Oh, my gosh! I'm yelling! You can't hear me yelling?! Deeney can't hear me yelling. I guess I gotta get louder.

(4:21) (sings) Do you believe in magic? (talks) I don't- how does that song go? (sings) Do you believe in magic? Who Deeney does! (talks) I don't know! We gotta work- we gotta work on the song. It's not bad. It's not bad. Or just screaming "Do you believe in magic?" Um...

(4:39) I do have tons of friends named Gus, thank you for mentioning it. Eighty! Eighty friends (laughing)- I've got eighty adult friends named Gus! Okay, I don't have a ton of friends named Gus. Thank you- thank you for that mid-video correction, Meredith! Um... I have zero friends named Gus.

(4:52) Oooooh! Don't worry, Seb Brown's got it. Um... But yeah, so like... Gus is a little kid's name, or a smaller name than Augustus, certainly... And lots of people whose names are Augustus go by the name Gus because they don't wanna come across as you know, big or imperious or whatever. Um, and you know, over the course of the novel, uh, his name to Hazel starts out Augustus - she refers to him as Augustus when he's this kind of larger-than-life, very performed character, uh, to her. And then as she gets to actually know him, and particularly as he becomes fragile and vulnerable to her, he becomes um, he becomes Gus. Uh... There are- moments, particularly at the end of the book, where he talks about- where Gus talks about Hazel as Hazel, not just as Hazel Grace. But he always calls her Hazel Grace to her.

(5:44) One of the most moving things that- I guess like, early on after the- oh, God. After the publication of the book, I started to, I mean... Like, the book did way, way better than any of my other books. Like, even in the first week, it did better than any of my other books, so I kind of started to suspect that something was different this time. Don't say that was offside, please. Ohhhhhh! Oh, my God! What a beautiful goal! It's Dicko! He has two! Oh my goodness. Every- ah, the heel click! Everything is coming up Dicko. (laughing) Is that good? Everything's coming up Dicko?

(6:20) Um. Uh. He just slid it right in? Dicko! He knows how to.. He knows where to put it! Um... He knows- he's a great finisher! Um... We've gotta think of a song, guys! There's tons of pun possibilities. Um.. Because his name- his name is Dicko. (laughing) I don't know- I don't know how many more opportunities I could have possibly given you, than acquiring a player named Dicko, who is also great! Um. That's nice! It's nice when you can have a player who's both Dicko and excellent.

(6:53) Um... Speaking of excellence! Could it be?! No! I thought it was gonna be a first-half hat-trick. But it isn't.

(6:58) Um... Uh. Things are looking way, way better. Always in this game Meredith- if you can just score first, the goals start to flow! Because Barnsley then gets really defens- really scared and knows that they need to score and et cetera.

(7:15) So anyway... Um, I'm really liking where we're at right now. I'm gonna make quick couple substitutions. I'm gonna leave Dicko on, because I'm no dummy! But Francombstein's been looking a little tired, so I'm gonna bring on Hells Pells! Um, yeah. I-

(7:37) I think a lot times, when we're... Uh, thinking about ourselves in relationship to others, particularly the others we admire, in the way that- beginning of the book, Hazel kind of like, blindly admires Gus and thinks that he's you know, even though he's sort of uh- a little bit over the top, it's extremely charming to her.

(7:57) Um, and um. Uh, when those people pay attention to us and um- then it feels somehow almost like literally magical. And slowly, hopefully, you start to see the other as a person instead of like, just like a romantic ideal. And that process is very interesting to me, obviously, since I've written about it like ten different ways. Um. Or I've tried to write it about it- hopefully, hopefully I've succeeded and not just um, not just romanticizing the other.

(8:31) Um, but anyway! Early on in the book, I knew, like, after it was published, I knew that it was different. Like, um... It was- you know, people were responding to it very differently than they'd responded to my other books. And um, I saw early on, like in the first week or two, somebody posted something to Tumblr that was like- uh... Artwork that they'd made, where- that said- that was like- it was like pictures of Hazel and Augustus, and it said- beneath Gus, it said "Augustus Waters" and beneath Hazel, it said "Hazel Grace Lancaster".

(9:06) And uh, someone posted the caption- someone posted a comment when reblogging it, "only Gus can call her Hazel Grace". And I started crying, uh, when I read that, because it was just- it was so extraordinary to me that people were thinking of the book that way. That they were um, being like, that serious to it and that generous to it. Um, you know- that- it was really through that- I mean, it was a romantic relationship for Hazel, but it was also, you know, this deep connected friendship of someone who, you know, understood her, and the place she was in life, better than anyone had before. Um.

(9:47) Speaking of being better than anyone has been before, it's Deeney! Deeney! Who Deeney! (sings) Do you believe in magic? Well you should, because Who Deeney just scored... (talks) I don't- I still don't have it, Meredith. I still- I don't think that's the right- I don't think that's the right tune. (sings) Do you believe in... (talks) Nope! (sings) Do you believe in Deeney? (talks) Nope.

(10:10) Um... Who? Deeney! Who? Nope. Um... I'll work on it on the way home, and then hopefully some people in comments will be coming up with some as well.

(10:20) Um... Uh... You know Houdini died of a ruptured appendix?! You never know how you're gonna go, in this world! But you can pretty much guarantee that you're not gonna go by a ruptured appendix, just as long as you go to the hospital when your appendix hurts.

(10:36) Um... What was I talking about? Ahhh- yeah. So it was this really important friendship for her, and like, I think helped her see that she didn't have to- imagine herself in one way or define- or have herself entirely defined by this illness, or imagine herself strictly as a person with this illness... Which is the way that at the beginning of the book, she talks about herself, and talks about herself to Gus, but also like talks about herself to us.

(11:04) Um. So... The reason that was important for me, is because I talked to a lot of people living with chronic illness. And one of the most difficult things for a lot of the people I talked to, was this feeling that um, you can't not be sick. Like, you can't take a break from being sick. You can't take a break - that's a horrible haircut - from this identity of "ill person".

(11:28) Um, when you're in chronic pain or you're chronically sick, like- that's- that's what you do. Um, it's like a full-time job. It's like a kind of life. And it's not a particularly fun kind of life, but also it's the tremendous challenge of like, getting people to understand. It's really, really- particularly with physical pain, it's really hard to get people to understand it.

(11:53) People know- you know, you can talk about heartbreak in a way that makes people - I think to an extent, at least - understand. It's very difficult to talk about physical pain in a way that - oooooh! - makes people understand what you're going through.

(12:06) Pain- physical pain and illness, in a way- this is not my observation, it's Elaine Scarry's observation - but like, they resist language. They destroy language. They're- you know, sort of against language. And that makes it really difficult when you're trying to explain what's- oh, that was gonna be a beautiful goal - when you're trying to explain what's happening to you. Um, because there is no language around it. All you can say is it hurts, it's burning, it's sharp, you know. You can say those things, but you can't make someone else understand what it's actually like.

(12:40) And um, in Hazel- I mean, in Gus, Hazel meets someone who does seem to understand what it's actually like, in a way that previously only Peter Van Houten has. Like, only this novelist who she doesn't know in real life and who isn't really- existent in a way that- you know, in her daily life.

(12:59) So I think that's what's so powerful for her, and that's where the- you know, that's why Hazel Grace is- is, you know, him calling her Hazel Grace is so meaningful to her.

(13:12) Um, and that's the end of the game! And we won four-nil. It was a little bit of a sad episode for a four-nil victory, but look at that- Dicko! Dicko! Deeney! Deeney! Dicko! Deeney! Who Deeney and Dicko, truly an odd couple for the ages.

(13:27) Thank you for watching! Finally back on a winning track... Best wishes!