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In which Hank and John Green reunite to discuss goats--and very little else.

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John: Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday. It's Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real Nerdfighters. Let's get - Uh oh. It's a wild Hank, and he's goatobombing me.

Hank: Yesterday, we were out to dinner, and I made a dumb face in a photograph and everybody at the table decided it was goatobombing.

John: Yeah, because it was photobombing but he looked like a goat.

Hank: Hnng

John: Speaking of goats, our first question is, would you rather fight one John-sized goat or three goat-sized Johns?

Hank: I'd rather fight one John-sized goat. You are crafty; making you a goat would make you easier to fight. There are definitely goats bigger than you.

John: Ah, I don't think so. I think I might be bigger than any goat by weight.

Hank: Siri, are there goats bigger than my brother? (Siri beep) I'm not sure I understand.

John: I don't understand either; let's go to the next question.

Hank: What are your thoughts on goats in sweaters?

John: Oh, you mean like where you have a sweater and there's a goat on it?

Hank: No, goats in sweaters. A sweater wearing a goat. I mean a goat wearing a sweater. 

John: A sweater wearing a goat is a fantastic idea! Did you know goats have rectangular pupils, by the way?

Hank: I did know that. 

John: Yeah. Do you know why?

Hank: They're like horizontal rectangles, which probably means that they're trying to look out in more, multiple, like better, better...

John: Peripheral vision.

Hank: I want to know what that's like. I bet the Oculus Rift could like, could, show me what's it like to be a goat. Do you wanna get another question?

John: Yes.

Hank: Let's do another question. How many llamas is one goat worth?

John: Can I just pause real quick, Hank, and ask why all the questions are about goats?

Hank: The thing is, I just asked for questions, and there just happened to be a bunch about goats. And I also asked them to ask questions about goats?

John: Oh! I see your tweet. "Goat questions preferred." Who can do the best impression of a goat.

Hank: You want to go first?

John: No. I want to go not at all. I'm happy to lose if Hank will try.

Hank: (Attempts goat noise)

John: That was so bad.

Hank: (Makes goat noise again) 

John: (Laughs)

Hank: That's what they sound like. You've never even met a goat. You don't know what they sound like. That was perfect. 

John: That's not true! That's not true. Hank, I made the Internet's number one video about goat mating. Don't tell me I've never seen a goat. I've seen a goat do it.

Hank: And they make that noise. 

John: Nope!

Hank: (Attempts goat noise)

John: This is a question that I don't think you'll find particularly difficult, Hank. Would you rather have a goat eat your ear or would you rather eat a goat's ear?

Hank: How is that even a question? (Laughs)

John: It's like the old question "Would you rather eat five pine cones or poop one?" Like as unpleasant as it would be to eat five pine cones, obviously that's the better option.

Hank: I would rather eat a goat's ear than any other part of a goat. Because you could take the goat's ear and it would be fine!

John: Not fine, how would you feel if you were earless? I noticed that you and I have different iPhone passwords, so if you want to ask another question you're gonna have to log in.

Hank: John, where does the word "goat" come from?

John: Oh I know that actually. It comes from Old English. What is your favorite breed of goat?

Hank: Brand? Brand of goat?

John: Breed!

Hank: I'm gonna go with the American mountain goat.

John: I was gonna say The Mountain Goats too.

Hank: Which kind of mountain goat though?

John: Oh, John Darnielle probably. If you had seven goats between you, what would you name them? I would like to have four of the goats. That's all that matters to me. (Hank laughs) I would like to make sure that if we have seven goats between us, I have the four and you have the three. 

Hank: How about, alternatively, you have all seven?

John: Wait, I've rethought my answer. I would like to give you the seven goats. (Hank laughs) Alright I took another guess at your iPhone password. I still didn't get it. 

Hank: Goaticorn or unigoat?

John: Yeah so we're talking about two different animals. The goaticorn is a goat with a unicorn horn, the unigoat is a unicorn with a goat head. Or as I like to call it, a horse. (Hank laughs) And I'm gonna go with the unigoat. Here is a non-goat question for you Hank, what really gets your goat?

(Both laugh)

Hank: When awful people succeed.

John: Hank, thank you so much for doing question Tuesday with me.

Hank: Happy birthday, it was your birthday yesterday, everybody say happy birthday to that guy.

John: Ah, I will see you on Friday. And now. 

Hank: Okay we have to go cause we're out of tape so bleh!