[Sound: leaves rustling]
Hank: Doesn't feel super safe. Should we go all the way to the top?
John: Yeah.
H: Okay, alright, safe, safe up here.

Good morning, John!
J: Good morning, Hank!
H: Well, that was... the most elaborate one so far. If only we had like, nails and we could put it there permanently.
J: Oh don't worry. He'll be, he'll be there in the background
H: You got a plan? His massive forehead can hold him in place.

J: Well, hello, Hank.
H: Hi!
J: Happy last day of Pizzamas. Greetings from the tree house.
H: We decided to do it in a tree house
J: Yeah
H: 'Cause that was an option!

We never had a tree house growing up
J: We did.
H: We had a fort!
J: We had a fort. It wasn't in a tree, but it was literally just this, but without the tree wrapped around.
H: That's right, yeah, it was a great place to get up to mischief. I got grounded from that fort
J: Did you?
H: From throwing bottles off of it
J: Oh, that's not cool. I remember doing one of my elementary school science fairs from that fort, where I counted the number of people who drove past
H: Nice!
J: Wearing seat belts
H: Nice! That's good, that's great.
J: Even back then, I was a big fan of government regulation
H: SCIENCE!
J: That's not gonna make it in the video, is it?
H: I think it may.

J: Hank wants to get the light off my face, so we're doing this.
H: He's gonna be like that, and I'm gonna be like this.
J: I always wanted to be a Beastie Boy.
H: He's always criticizes me for not wearing a hat, so here I am.
J: Yeah.

So earlier today, Hank and I went to an art gallery where we saw this amazing art made entirely out of, like, dandelions or daffodils or else iron oxide paints. And then we went to the IMA and saw a cool fashion show.
H: We did. It was great. It's been a good day!
J: And now we're in a tree house!
H: John took my phone and gave me, and like, took video. So maybe I will have put video over that.
J: I'm just trying to get some kind of b-roll situation so that we don't have to see me wearing this hat.
H: You can take the hat off.

J: Then I'm all blown out, which is what you're worried about.
H: It's true. Well, I was thinking you could just move a little. Now it's on me. hahaha!
J: Happy last day of Pizzamas everybody!
H: I am transcending!!
J: So listen, Hank's been raptured. It's more gonna be a Vlogbrother situation moving forward.
Sorry about the wind noises, it's just Hank is getting raptured.
H: It's the rapture!

I wanna do something different. Something we've never done on the Vlogbrothers channel before.
J: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm trying to understand where the sun is.
H: After so long! It's the big bright thing in the sky. It's really weird that there's some– maybe something that we've never done before.
J: Yeah.
H: Here's what it is: It's a educational video
J: Uhuh.
H: With both of us in it

J: Oh! What are we educating on?
H: I'm educating you on planets.
J: I heard there are 8 of them
H: They don't exist.

J: What!? This is like yesterday, when you told me that we don't know what light is. I don't— this is not gonna be good for me.
H: That's was what the Nobel prize in physics, in part, was about how we don't know what light is, or even reality. But we're not gonna talk about that.
J: Wait, what?
H: We're not gonna talk about that!
J: So we don't know why there's matter in the universe, we don't know what light is, and we don't know what's real, and we don't really know whether time is real?

H: In fact, and also it seems like the universe is actually 2-dimensional and the 3rd dimension that we experience as space is a different kind of dimension. Which is really throwing me for a loop.
J: But I'm doin' it.
H: I know… I know, I hear you!
J: I'm movin' around in it right now
H: I hear you!
J: Look at me! Look at 3 dimension– wait– I'm not 3 dimensional to them.

H: We were in that pizza the– pizza? That gallery. We were in that gallery from the Sprouse guy. What's his name? Something Sprouse?
J: Cole Sprouse? Dylan Sprouse?
H: Nope, that's a different Sprouse. Those are the Sprouse brothers
J: Stephen Sprouse?
H: Couldn't tell ya.
J: That, the fashion designer?
H: Yeah
J: Yeah! Stephen Sprouse

H: We were in the Stephen Sprouse gallery and we were walking around and looking at all these, like, his whole, sort of decades of work. And then, uh, Katherine came up to me and I said, "Some day it'll be like this, but just Pizza Johns."
J: Hahahah! Nothing says future museum fashion show quite like Pizza John.
H: There's a lot of good Pizza John art over the years.
J: It's true; it's true. and–
H: So who knows?
J: Yeah, you're right. It could happen.
H: We should have– we should start a Pizza John gallery.
J: Yeah.
H: It'd be hard to get all of them together. Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about.

J: We don't know what light is, we don't know what time is, we don't know what reality is, but planets aren't real.
H: Planets are real. Obviously planets are real, in the way that anything is. But the idea of planets isn't a true category.
J: Woah, I would argue that very few categories are true categories.
H: That's true.
J: Because there is this weird, non one-to-one relationship between reality and language.

By the way, I'm the only one who has a face according to the camera. So Hank may be out of focus.
H: And this was my idea to film in the tree house. So I am paying… paying for it.

J: Is that the only thing you wanted to teach me?
H: No! There are things that do have true categories. Like, protons are protons, electrons are electrons. I think, and people will argue with me about it, but that life is a true category.
J: Close!

H: Planets, as they are defined now, when we redefined them and it excluded Pluto, uh, and that's sort of a very contentious thing, and people get upset about it. But the reason I'm not upset about it is because I don't think that planets exist. And I think that most people would agree that planets don't exist. And I'd like to explain to you some ways in which planets don't exist.
J: Okay.

H: The current set of categories that we use is it has to be a, like, has to have formed itself into a sphere, which they call hydrostatic equilibrium. Pluto is a sphere, so is Ceres, and so are lots of moons. But then another one is that it has to have cleared it's orbit. So it has to be big enough that, like, the area that it travels; it sucked up all the stuff in that orbit. And that is just a category we decided in order to, uh, make it, make it feel like there is a thing called a planet and draw a line that works in our solar system, but there's gonna be fuzzy parts in other solar systems.

J: Let me tell you another way I'm not convinced planets exist. I'm not convinced that Mercury has more in common with Jupiter than Mercury has in common with, like, Europa.
H: Absolutely! This is one of my– so I think that a very clear distinction in our solar system is the difference between a gas giant and a terrestrial planet. That seems like a way bigger deal.
J: Right.
H: That is one of my arguments for why planets don't exist. Because why would you put those two things in one category?

Looks like it's trying to get me.
J: Just put it on! Put it on! It's great, it's great! What a great bit.

H: Another thing, is that Jupiter in particular has these 4 very large moons.
J: Yeah.
H: One of them being larger than Mercury, so it's certainly not size that makes a thing a planet.

J: But those moons are going around Jupiter, not around a star.
H: You're right. And that's– so that's like the final thing. But if Jupiter were 10 times bigger, it would be a star.
J: Wait, so there's no difference between Jupiter and a star except for size?
H: Yep. So imagine that world where Jupiter is 10 times bigger. All those moons are now planets. It just happened and nothing changed about them.
J: Mmm… mmm…
H: But they are now planets just because the thing that they are orbiting happened to be more massive.

J: I think it's really weird that we're filming this— one of our first videos ever that's in the sun. Like I have a really direct view of the sunlight and I'm suddenly aware of the fact that I'm only here because there is a, like, source of eternal— not quite eternal, unfortunately, light shining down upon this planet that has made all of this possible. But it's also, like, the one thing I can't look at.
H: Hahaha, it's so metaphorically resonant!
J: Yeah, the thing that makes possible, is the thing that–
H: It's the only thing in our natural lives that we can't look at.

Can we move to the other side of the tree?
J: No! No.
H: It's so– the video is so bad!
J: This is the bit now! This is the— you, you–
H: The metaphor is occurring!
J: You were like, 'man I really need to be in the tree house for this video to work.'
H: I thought it would be cute, not ugly!
J: We're gonna try it!

H: I bet you're right, I bet it's just gonna be the exact same problem. This would be the worst way for us to go.
J: Especially if we both die
H: Yeah, well, I mean, that way at least we don't have to decide what to do when the other one dies.
J: As I said, it is no better over here.
H: It's really not.
J: It might be worse.
H: There's so much tree around here though
J: Light! The visible reminder of the invisible light shining down upon us all the time! Maybe if I get in your shadow?

H: And then another way in which planets don't exist, is sometimes a thing that is definitely a planet, gets ejected from a solar system and has no star anymore. It could be a gas giant, it could be a terrestrial planet, but nobody would say that it's not a planet.

J: One of my all-time favorite memories is one time we were talking about that phenomenon where a planet gets ejected - ow - from a solar system and the planet is just like, psh, hurling through the vacuum of space for–
H: No, yeah, there's no daytime, no nighttime, it's always dark on the planet.
J: And you were like, well, there would be no light, so there would probably be no life. And then you paused and said, unless they make their own light. And I think about that all the time.

I think phosphorescence is one of the coolest things that we do because the idea of making our own light is so beautiful. Like the idea of storing the sun's light in some indirect way and then using it to create our own light, like fireflies do, or angler fish or whatever.
H: Or humans do.
J: Oh, yeah, we do it too!
H: We can actually make something brighter than the sun, which doesn't… had never happened on earth until us.
J: We did it… Joe.

H: Hahaha… John has a hard time saying, "we did it" without saying Joe afterwards.
J: It's true; I can't.
H: Is something I've noticed.
J: I cannot celebrate any kind of victory. Because then I have to say, "we did it" and I have to pause for 3 seconds and say Joe. You're gonna be the next president of the United States. And I'm gonna do that, like, in 30 years when people are, like, I don't understand the reference.
H: Yeah, what's the reference?

I remember playing Trivial Pursuit with our parents when we were, you know, teens.
J: Yeah
H: And they would always know the Vice President, like of the–
J+H: Spiro Agnew
H: Oh, and I'm like, how do you know that!? And I'm like, of course. Like, I know all of the vice presidents since I've been alive.
J: I know Dan Quayle.
H: Yeah, sure.
J: Dan Quayle is just barely a vice president, right, like I mean—
H: Also just barely still being held onto by pubic knowledge.
J: Oh yeah, he's, uh, nothing personal, Dan. I know you're a fan of the vlog, but yeah, he's barely hanging on.

H: He's an Indiana boy, right?
J: Some would hope a future resident of Crown Hill Cemetery.
H: Well, I'm glad that you're looking out for Crown Hill, John.
J: I thought about writing him a letter—
H: You should!
J: Saying, I know you live in Arizona now, Dan, but… have you considered…

H: This is a great format. I think the great part is that you can see certain parts of our faces. And I explain to you why planets don't exist.
And in a similar way, pizza also definitely doesn't exist. And this, we get into these arguments about whether a hot dog is a sandwich, about whether the ocean is soup, about whether a calzone is pizza… eh. Pizza doesn't exist!
J: Soups don't exist.
H: The ocean kind of also doesn't exist. Where's the line!?
J: There's all that brackish water when rivers—
H: Estuarian.

J: Almost everything that we think of as dichotomous is, in fact, spectral.
H:Yeah. I don't like definitions that are just lists of categories, or lists of–
J: Yeah.
H: Like ways to include and exclude certain things.
J: Right.
H:But that's a lot of the only way to do it. And you see a lotta talk about how fish don't exist.
J: They don't
H: And how trees don't exist.
J: Yeah, they don't.
H: But, also, if that's the way you're looking at it basically nothing exists.
J: But I think the purpose of saying these categories aren't really real is reminding people that there is a difference between the way we describe things and the way they are. That, like, language is inherently less rich than reality.

H: Right, and at the same time, we're not gonna actually not need the word fish.
J: Oh yeah, we still need language.
H: Yeah.
J: Yes, but if we could do this at the same time: recognize the limits of these categories, while still acknowledging their importance in our language and our ability to communicate with each other.
H: I think that that is a more interesting discussion than whether or not Pluto should be a planet. Right, but it's not as, it's not as sticky. It doesn't get people as excited.
H: I know, I know, they wanna fight for the thing that they had and Pluto is a great name for a planet.

Did you know, John, that there are 3 planets that have elements named after them? Actually, 4, but you have to be really weird to get the 4th.
J: Mercury.
H: Oh, yeah, you're right, there's 5.
J: That was my first one.
H: Hahahah…
J: I, uh, that one seemed like a slam dunk.
H: Yeah, that was an early one.
J: Um, Uranium.
H: Yep.
J: Plutonium.
H: Uhuh
J: If you count Pluto.
H: So what's between Uranus and Pluto?
J: Neptunium.
H: That's right! And they are actually all in a line: Uranium, Neptunium, and Plutonium.
J: One thing about Hank is that even if you've seen the TikTok, you still have to let him finish.
H: Hahahahah!

And then there's one other.
J: Uhuh.
H: And I'm not gonna tell it to you.
J: Oh! That's it.
H: I wanna see it in the comments.
J: That's the business.
H: 'Cause it's a tricky one!
J: We're trying to drive engagement.

Let's end with a call to action, Hank, like any good YouTuber would. It's the last day of Pizzamas. pizzamas.com.
H: Pizza doesn't exist, but Pizzamas does!
J: Oh, there you go
H: He is wearing a Pizzamas shirt.
J: Oh, right!
H: He just hasn't… He hid it away the whole time.

J: Thanks
H: This was a trick, I wanted to make an educational video so that we could just have a long-ass last day of Pizzamas video where we chatted in a tree house!
John, I will continue to see you all weekend. Thanks so much for having me over.

J: And, indeed, the only reason we'll continue to see each other is because of this light! This light!
H: The visible sign of the invisible vision.
J: Light. It's a cliché, but you're no TS Eliot. Um, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but you're no TS Eliot
Light: the visible reminder of the invisible, visible.
H: What is it?
J: Nothing.
H: What's the quote?
J: Go Google it! As TS Eliot wrote: great poetry, uh, needed to be understood to communicate.
H: Did he?
J: Something like that.
H: Hahahaha!

John's phone just fell out of the tree house.
J: Oh, no!!
H: It's fine, it's soft down there
J: Let's go find out; I'm gonna drop the rug down though, that's for sure.
H: Rug's just going off the side.
Get your Pizzamas rug. I think that they're on sale. There's a discount. You could just hide them in the forest. Just hide them in the forest. teeheehee

H: How is it?
J: Uninjured!
H: Alright!
J: Not bad.
H: I was… I was certain it would be fine.
J: Yeah, it's unlocked, and I immediately saw Kanye West's screenshots from Instagram
H: That's probably not… probably avoid that.
J: It's… it's "working"