[Brotherhood 2.0 Intro]

Good morning, Hank. It's Tuesday, July 31st. Today's video comes in six distinct parts. That's a lot of parts, so let's get right to it.

Part one: Harry Potter. Hank, apparently today is Harry Potter's birthday, which is a great excuse for me to set off one of the champagne poppers that I got for free when I was getting the green hairspray. They were having a very eccentric sale at the party store. The sale was, "if you buy an item, we will give you champagne poppers."

[John pops popper] Ooh! Happy birthday, Harry.

Also on the topic of Harry Potter, Hank, I would like to suggest that if you ever happen to start a wizard rock band, that you definitely should call the wizard rock band Tonks for the Memories! That joke is courtesy of our Secret Sister Maureen.

And speaking of Secret Siblings, part two, Secret Siblings! Hank, way back on February twenty-first of this year, our Secret Brother Tom made a strange and obscure prophecy. He said, "I believe there are more Secret Siblings." Now obviously, since Tom, our Secret Sister Maureen has emerged, but I'm wondering, Hank, are there more? Hank, as we begin to get more video responses, I'm starting to think that maybe there are more Secret Siblings. Secret Siblings who will take up the oppressive yoke of vlogging and periodically respond to our videos. Nothing against you, but I always wanted a big family. Anyways, Hank, I wouldn't be surprised if some Nerdfighters started being our Secret Siblings. Nerdfighters can do anything.

Look, they can even spell Nerdfighters with pretzels.

Part three: Reading Rainbow. Hank, I've recently been reading two very good and very different books. First we have Michael Chabon's four-hundred and eleven page novel The Yiddish Policeman's Union. Now if the world were filled with Michael Chabon geeks instead of being full of Harry Potter geeks, everyone would be like, "No you say it CHAY-bun." "No, you say it Shuh-BAHN." "No, you say it SHAH-bun." Anyway, Hank, this is a great book, but as an added bonus it's very similar to the color of my wall.

Secondly, we have Eileen Cooper's thirty-two page book, The Golden Rule. It's like the cutest book ever written about the Golden Rule! As an added bonus, both of those books adhere to the In Your Pants rule. I mean, The Yiddish Policeman's Union In Your Pants? What kind of union are they having in there? And the Golden Rule In Your Pants... I mean obviously, do unto other's pants as you would have them do unto your pants.

Part four: Reading Rainbow Redux. Hank, for the first time, I am about to read the finished copy of a book called An Abundance of Katherines which was written by me. I have to read this book for a top secret reason that I can't even tell you, but it means that I have to break for the first time, my unbreakable vow never ever ever ever ever to read books that I have written once they're published. Since it was published, I've never read Looking for Alaska except to read little snippets at book stores.

There are two main reasons why I never read my own books. First, I already read them a bunch of times before I published them. Second, once they're published there's no way that I can change them, so everything that I discover that I dislike is like, horribly painful. But I absolutely have to reread Katherines now, so I'm trying. I'll let you know if I still like it.

Part five: Songs. Hank, I don't know what your song is gonna be about tomorrow, but I do know one thing. Someday, somewhere, you must write the song that was suggested by Nerdfighter Nate Junglepants. Nate Junglepants suggested that you write a 1960's-style protest song that's about why ninjas and pirates need to put away their mutual hatred for each other to bring about world peace. Hank, I think this is a great idea, because someone has got to do something about the endless cycle of recrimination and violence that goes on between ninjas and pirates. I mean, Hank, ninjas and pirates are like the Sunnis and Shiites of hypothetical reality. I mean, I would write the song myself, but I don't think I would do a very good job. Uhm, it could be like, "All we are saying, is give ninja-pirate peace a chance." Yeah, I think you can do better than that.

Part six: the outro. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.

P.S. You're back on the odd days.

[Brotherhood 2.0 Logo flashes up]