(0:00) You may have heard the initials in BDSM.  IT stands for Bondage Discipline Dominance Submission Sadism and Masochism.  One by one, I’d like to teach you about these forms of sexual expression starting with Bondage.

(0:12) Here’s what you’ll need: safety scissors, the kind with the rounded tip to slip between the skin and rope if anything needs to be removed quickly, water nearby for hydration, maybe snacks, safe words and signs to communicate caution and stop and non-elastic rope, reference books or this video.

(0:28) Though bondage is an erotic experience all by itself, some people with pair it with sex.  In which case, add lube condoms, gloves, etc. to the list and get tested for STI’s first.  Then, set up a safe space with comfortable temperature, plenty of light, time, and a willing participant. 

(0:42) I like to use the safe words “yellow” for caution and “red” for stop.  They’re easy to remember and easy to say.  If willing can’t communicate verbally, I also make sure to have signs of the same meanings; something like stop or blink once for caution, twice for stop.  Here we’ll use head shaking for caution and a body shake for stop.  To test the safe words, I’ve gripped the person’s hands and ask them to mark caution.  Yellow.  And stop.  Red. 

(1:07) When situated, we begin.  This is fifty feet of 3/8^th inch braided nylon rope from the hardware store.  I like it because it doesn’t easily fray; it’s soft, pretty and decently priced.  Experts, like Midori, have tried many materials, but the most popular options are nylon hemp, and cotton.  The length and diameter will depend on the body, place, and purpose of the bondage. 

(1:29) You may be wondering why someone would want to be restrained.  What’s so erotic about it?  Why is this a part of the Sexplanations episode.  The ritual of a scene, testing limits of trust and immobility, shift in power dynamics, security like the ropes are a swaddling cloth, sensation of pressure and rubbing, relaxation, feeling of powerlessness, surrender, submission, beauty, a form of role play diversifying sexual expression, altering the psyche, prestige, feeling wrapped up like a present for an occasion, feeling sexy, feeling freedom from shame and guilt because one is physically tied to a liberal expression of sexuality.  This is the midpoint of the rope and the starting point for a restraint called “Dragonfly Sleeves”. 

(2:06) First I make two loops so that one curls toward me and one curls away from me.  I want to make sure that the ends hanging down are on different sides of the rope, like this, not like this.  Next, overlap the loops like a Venn Diagram and pull their sides through the centers opposite loop.  This is called a bowtie not with can be like handcuffs or ankle  cuffs, but we have more to do.  Now, willing, I need you to turn around.  With the bowtie not, take the so-called ears and loosen them so that they can slide over willing’s arms onto the back like a backpack. 

(2:37) Watch for vulnerable areas like joints and arteries and use the pinky test to make sure that at least a finger or two can fit between the rope and the person’s body.  Watch for cooling of the skin or discoloration that would indicate low circulation or feelings of pins and needles from pressure on the nerves.  Communicate.  Is this too tight?  No. Good.  Let’s continue.  Take the two loose hanging ends together and make a double slip knot with them.  That means bringing them over the top, starting through the whole in the center, pulling them apart to make two new ears.  Again, pull an amount long enough so that they can slip over willing’s arms and up to placement at a horizontal position right where the knot is. 

(3:13) Is that too tight? No. Repeat these steps of making a double slip not, Pulling it through making a new set of ears and putting them onto the willing person’s arms again and again until you reach the wrists.  Is that too tight? Yes.  To loosen the knot, simply stretch out the ears.  The last set should be placed an inch above the wrist tightly or on the wrist loosely.  Is that too tight? No.  From here, you can make a spreader bar from the remaining rope wrap the person’s legs, attach them to furniture, make a leash to drag them by or controlled pull to bend them over.  However you play, make certain that you’re still communicating and staying curious.