[Lindsey] I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, host of this sex-curious show, Sexplanations. Today's episode is sponsored by betterhelp.com, an online counseling service that makes mental health more accessible.

[intro]

To start, let's take care of some vocabulary. The virus spreading quickly around the world which has many of us physically distancing from one another is called "severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2."

"Severe" - very serious. "Acute" - very serious and sudden. "Respiratory" - affecting the nose, mouth, throat, and lung parts, though it has been found in feces and semen. "Syndrome" - a group of symptoms, like coughing, trouble breathing, fever, nausea. "Corona" - meaning "crown" - like the crown around the sun and the crown of the penis. "Virus" - a microscopic particle in the body that infects cells to replicate itself again and again and [repeats as sound and shot fades out]. [shot fades back] The "2" is to distinguish it from other coronaviruses in the family, just like when it's shortened to COVID-19, referring to the year it was discovered.

When COVID was declared a pandemic, we are encouraged - sometimes mandated - to physically distance from one another in order to save lives and lessen the burden on healthcare workers. COVID attacks the respiratory system: So, noses to mouths to noses to mouths, through air moisture contact, and some fomites. Fomites are objects that carry infections, like surfaces and utensils.

The protocol has been "stay 6-feet apart, wear masks, don't go to crowded places, and don't hang out with people you don't know" - a recipe for sexual abstinence, which is so important if it works for you. If it doesn't, I don't want you to think there are no other options and just admit defeat, give up on sex, or have all the sex without any discrimination. In order of least to most risky alternatives:

Masturbation; masturbation to porn; masturbation with cam performers; phone sex; video voice sexting; cyber sex with strangers, friends, or partners; there are apps and sites for virtual orgies; mutual masturbation with masks and distance; peep shows; rubbing against opposite sides of a sliding-glass door or shower curtain; glory holes, which are holes in a wall or partition that you can have sex through; masked sex in a sunny meadow; masked finger-fucking in a forest; masked sex indoors.

Facing in opposite directions, like 69 or away from each other like this [gestures] - there are so many ways to make this work; or heads as far as possible in a ventilated room. [makes v-shape with forearms with elbows touching] This is a head and this is a head [moves fists] and these [rubs elbows] are the genitals, and these are the rubbing things 6-feet apart. Any of this in-person sex can be made even safer with communication, curiosity, good hygiene, and math. I'll "sexplain."

You know the "other people" conversation like, "Hey, should we talk about whether or not we're seeing other people?" Have this conversation. Not to limit the number of partners you have or to commit to dating someone indefinitely, but to understand risk. Your risk is not just determined by the people you come in contact with; it's determined by a whole web of people who they're around: who they had sex with, who they got their groceries from, who they got a ride from - [laughs] riiide! Risk is determined by all of those people's precautions - or lack thereof - and the efficacy of tracking and tracing to determine who has what and follow it. Like, "If it's there, get it, stop it."

Use the term "COVID companion" or "pandemic partner" to further understand how the relationship dynamics of right now make it so that you need to have more communication and ask more questions. "Who do you spend your time with? Where do you go? Do the people in those places take precautions? Do you or the people in your life have pre-existing conditions - like HIV - that make COVID more severe? Have you been tested? What are the results? What does this mean? What happens if one of you gets COVID?"Ask all these questions, just like you would do all the talking for sex toys and kink and STIs - talk, taaalk!

Every morning on my phone, I see the new infections in my city. You can probably keep track of local transmission rates where you are: the stats and what you hear from others, maybe someone in your life is positive, maybe someone you know knows someone who is positive. Depending on resources in your city, maybe you decide to get tested. Testing is good; knowing your status is good, I'm a big fan!

I spoke with disease ecologist, Dr. Tiffany Bogich, who explained there are two main types of COVID tests: one that's looking for the virus and one that's looking for the antibodies that would be fighting off the virus. In both cases, it is possible that you have coronavirus but test negative because you don't have enough of a viral load or antibodies to be detected by the test - meaning you could still get a negative test but be sick and hurt others.

Most people notice symptoms 5-7 days after they contract the virus. You're most contagious 2-3 days before symptoms show up and 2-3 days after. So, if you get it on Monday, you probably won't know it because there won't be signs until Friday, and you were very contagious on Tuesday and Wednesday. This is why it's essential to track your symptoms. On your phone or in a journal, write down the date, the temperature, how many times you orgasm if you want, and your COVID symptoms.

Other tips, we've all been taught to wash our hands - do that before sex and then after sex or whatever marks 20 seconds for you. Just get up in your nails and in between your fingers, and wash your dick. You've probably touched your phone and door handles and the car and steering wheel and like all the germs, including COVID. And then touched your dick. So, even if you've washed your hands, your luscious cock needs a bath, especially if you're gonna put it into a COVID-susceptible mouth.

Tip two, give each other hand sanitizer massages. It's such a bummer when too much comes out of the bottle, but then you have all this extra that you can slide across your lover's hands all sensual-like. Just don't put it directly into a vagina, mouth, anus, unless you want it to burn.

Tip three, sexify your mask. Some of them you can write on to express what you want [wear mask with "eat me" written on it], my friend, Jana, made this flirtatious beauty [shows masks with mouth-with-lollipop image]. There are mask lingerie sets, and some companies have gone all out to unite sex and safety.

So, I have a mask on, when I'm meeting someone new, I like to back up 10 feet away, lower the mask, show them my face and smile, and then put it back on before I get closer. Another option is masks with clear guards to show your lips for lip-reading and kissing.

Next tip, play. I bought myself this thermometer [shows] and I use it across my hairline like this [demonstrates] and it felt so good, like the caregiver at the clinic. And so, my partner and I have been doing this to each other as a form of foreplay, and I can only imagine what it would be like if you added the sexy nurse or the sexy doctor costume and went all out with a stethoscope and a rectal probe. [massages forehead with pleased humming]

I polled twitter; 15% are opposed to sexy nurse costumes, 53% are all for them, and 31% of nurses didn't care or don't know. Halloween is mostly at home this year, so do with that what you choose. You can fulfill your furry's fantasies with a mask on under the costume, of course, Frankenstein in a surgical mask with a masked monster - there are so many masks to role play. Of course, with a protective mask underneath; I want you to be safe.

Three things I don't want:

One, I don't want you to go woke-fishing - pretending that you're progressive in order to get laid. If you think that COVID is a hoax and you don't want to wear a mask, own that. Sleep with people who consent to who you are, not who they think you are. In fact, please don't lie or withhold any information. If you have symptoms, let people know - it could save lives. If you have an STI, let people know. Lastly, please don't ghost people. The majority of new relationships are online right now, so people are having to be more vulnerable than usual. We need to be more kind not less. You can do this. Instead of ignoring them, cut and paste:

"I'm going to sign off from our conversations, but I wish you success in your future dates."

"It's been fun getting to know you, but I'm going to say goodbye for now. Thanks for being cool."

"This is the stopping point for me in our relationship. Thanks for taking interest and understanding."

Be kind and stay curious.

A big thanks to betterhelp.com; better-h-e-l-p for supporting Sexplanations and being a resource for us during COVID. If you're feeling exhausted, lonely, depressed, horny, and you need somebody to talk to about it, betterhelp will match you with a licensed counselor or therapist within 48 hours who can do video, call, or text sessions with you physically distanced. You can get 10% off your first session at betterhelp.com/Sexplanations - the link is in the description. There's financial aid if you need it, a journal feature if you want to track your symptoms in your sex life, and if you're like me, they archive all of your correspondence. So, if you're emailing your therapist at all hours in the day while you're in bed, all of it is kept for you to read later and see your progress. It's a wonderful way to ask for help in sex, dating, life, surviving a global microscopic takedown - betterhelp.com/Sexplanations.

[outro]

Knowledge is power! [laughter] Riide! [sings] Talk, talk, talk. Okay? [sounds of effort while reaching behind camera] Ahh, moving. It's good. [massaging face with thermometer] Ahh.