Hank: Hello, last time on Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 we were going in the Forbidden Forest to save Harry Potter from a unicorn-eating Voldemort.

Katherine: You need to get your other spell out.

H: I'm getting my...I have to save the student in peril. Save him! Save him!

K: He was the...that was not what you meant to do.

H: Yes it is! I needed to save the student in peril.

K: Okay, fine. Fine!

H: I did it.

K: Hagger!

H: Now I shall Wingardium.

K: Hagrid has a crossbow!

H: Yes. Is it better than those other things?

K: Cool. Shoot those jack-wads.

H: Shoot the jack-wads!

K: Shoot them right out of the...ooh sorry.

H: Shoot them right out.

K: Sorry, student.

H: I'm spinning this thing over and over.

K: There's a thing up there. I feel like I should get it.

H: What are you talking about? 

K: Yes, build it! 

H: If I eat it I will be less hungry.

K: (Laughs) I don't think you can eat that, honey. It looks like it's roughage. 

H: G...go away you fingers of doom

K: There it went! I wanted to shoot that. Okay...AHA!!

H: Okay, going back to the Wingur...the Winger the Wingurding. This is boring. This is boring, I'm bored. Let's go.

K: Aw, but the....uhhh! The studly studs. Look! There's a thing, I need to shoot it.

H: Oh jeez! Oh jeez!

K: That was a bad thing. What is this? Come back! Look.

H: What? What?

K: What is this floaty...thing right here?

H: I don't know. I would guess that it's bad. Maybe I can Wingardium it.

K: You can Wingardium something!

H: I can...these Necco Wafers.

K: Ooh!

H: Into a cloud

K: Into tree!

H: And he will be cold.

K: Grow it!

H: And he says "I'm so cold!!"

K: See! Look at this! Look at this!

H: Climb it Hagrid!

K: Secret area!!

H: Is it secret? How do we get Fang up here?

K: I have no idea.

H: Does he climb?

K: I think that it is probably unlikely...oh my god, Fang you're amazing!!

H: He climbs ladders, no problem. It's one of my abilities as a special wizarding dog. Dig it! Yeah!

K: Yeah! What is happening...they're running away! What are those things?

H: Grimblepumps!

K: Grimbleypumps?

H: I made that up.

K: What...why is all the sparkles over here?

H: You figure that out, and I'm gonna climb this ladder.

K: Okay. I don't want to Ron, I want to be Hermione, fuck!

H: Fuuuuuck. Faaaark. I additionally...

K: Farkle!

H: No, I'm Hermione.

K: Uhhh!

H: I...you were not fast enough

K: Stop. Stop. What is happening here?

H: Nothing! We're going...

K: Stop! What is the glowy person?

H: What glowy person? It's Harry Potter, that's where we're going.

K: Oh, we have to save Harry Potter. Okay, right. Right. I guess that's important and stuff.

H: Wait, is that like a Harry Potter de...what? What. What. What now.

K: Who am I now? Oh good lord. 

H: You're the person who moves when you push the button

K: I know but it's so hard to tell. It's dark.

H: It's not that dark.

K: It's kind of dark! It's kind of dark. Look at the sparkly bits. Look at the shiny...okay. I want to know about things, Hank!

H: I see that. You have an extraordinary cur...extraordinary curiosity. The likes of which...

K: I can only do Wingardium Leviosa and...and crossbow.

H: Yes, well you are Hagrid after all.

K: I am not a good wizard.

H: You did not graduate from high school.

K: Ah! 

H: I'm on a thing, on a thing!

K: It's a good thing...it's a good thing Fang can jump because our...ahhh! I'm stuck! I'm stuck! Help, help help!

H: Ahhhhhhhhh.

K: Help! Help!

H: Help, help. I'm being repressed!

K: I'm being repressed! See, okay. I guess we just have to avoid those guys?

H: No, you have to use uh...this stuff. The stuff that I...

K: Well I don't have that stuff.

H: Yes.

K: Because I'm Hagrid.

H: I know. I can use the stuff. I'll do the stuff for you.

K: I got this! 

H: (Singing) Hail to the chief, I'm the chief and you're a loser.

K: Hufflepuff! We are...oops sorry. Hahaha shot your butt.

H: It's okay. I shoot you too. Come here Fang!

K: You know what I really need to do, is...no not that!

H: Dig it, buddy. Whoa whoa whoa! What's going on? Oh my god I made it collapse.

K: (Laughs) Pushing the wrong button.

H: I think I may have gone...

K: You did.

H: Ahh, ahh, ahh! Okay, my fight or flight response worked correctly.

K: Pushing...ahh god! Get all my stuff, okay.

H: (Quietly shouting "ahh" repeatedly) My fight or flight response that time worked poorly.

K: Shoot everything!

H: Shoot it. Die! Death! Shoot it die of death! (Makes shooting noises)

K: What is happening in there?

H: Um, sparkles. Maybe that's where Harry is. We have to save him, guys!

K: Okay, lets go that way. Hm. Let us shoot some crap first.

H: (More shooting sounds)

K: Let us shoot some crap first. Whoa, you got me. That hurt. Yeah, nice job. Okay, something bad is happening to Hagrid over there.

H: What?

K: I don't know. He's acting weird.

H: I want to get...oh. Did I get them? I did. I did, I got the purple!

K: Oh. 

H: Oh I'm sorry Fang! Good job, Ron. Ronald of Weasleby.

K: That's me!

H: I know.

K: I'm Ronald Weasleby.

H: I know.

K: Oh wait there's another one. Kill him too. Ahh! You sucker.

H: Yes. Boom! It makes a boom when it dies. It's a boom death.

K: Why do they do that?

H: I don't know. Because they're bad, and we're good and we kill bad things. For good.

K: Clean it up.

H: Fang I need you. Fang!

K: Clean it up over here.

H: Woo nice jump! Dig it. Dig it. Dig it up! Yeah that's a big thing! okay are you gonna Wingardium all this junk.

K: Yeah, I'm just gonna leave that one right there.

H: That probably looks...

K: Let's go. (Laughs). Come on, we can do it. Okay. We can...you can do it anyway.

H: I then, of course...what is that?

K: AH it's one of those things!

H: Ahh it's a bee. It's a bee, it's a bee, it's a bee!

K: Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it! Okay maybe we do need to do this.

H: No we don't. Let's go.

K: I can't! You keep running away so I can't do it! I need to be able to see where I'm going, thank you. 

H: Sorry.

K: Ballsack. Okay. I'm okay. Everything's fine.

H: Okay. No, no. No marital strife.

K: Turd-wad. No shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it!!!

H: AAHHHHHH I died!! Did you see me die?

K: Yeah you got sucked in by that plant. A lot.

H: I...I was using my thing! Devil's Snare! Deadly fun.

K: (Sings)

K: (Speaking) Ah, there's another one up there. Kill it. Yeah.

H: What are those...what are those little sprite dots?

K: That's where the...ow. Those are just...

H: Sprite dots?

K: Mhm.

H: Well let's Sprite and dots.

K: Seriously, I feel like we're playing this much video games...

H: Look, look at the way that (imitates the wand sounds).

K: (Laughs)

H: That's quite a...

K: Well it is often about your gestures as well, isn't it?

H: Yeah. It's...

K: AHHH! No I don't...I don't want to be in the water.

H: Swish and flick.

K: I'm...I'm scared of swimming.

H: Well I apparently quite like it. I'm a good back-stroker.

K: You are a good back-stroker. Look at you. Fangy....here Fangy....

H: I can't...I can't appear to...whoops!

K: Cock! Stop hitting buttons! AHH! 

H: Me? I'm just...

K: Yah! Okay. Come on. Come on, Fang. Whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops! 

H: Wow.

K: Whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops.

H: Trigger button.

K: Dig dig dig dig dig! Dig dig dig dig dig diggy diggy diggy diggy diggy.

H: Oh, I didn't think...I'm Ron?

K: Why did he do that? Oh look what I did.

H: Yes, well done my little friend.

K: I am so smart! Give me a wizard broom now.

H: Oh Hagrid, come over here. There's something for you to pull.

K: There is?

H: Yeah, over there, to the right. Up there. The yanker.

K: Oh you need to put the fishes in the water. Put the fishes back in the water.

H: Why?

K: I don't know, something will happen. Yes, those fishes. That. Put it in the water. Put that fish in the water. 

H: You can be Hermione and help.

K: No, I need to get this. You can do that.

H: It's deadly fun.

K: All by yourself. Shoot those bastards.

H: (Singing) There's one more, there's one more fish I have to save the fish! I am a humanitarian! 

K: See?

H: I don't understand what those are for.

K: Humanitarian? I think that is...

H: (Singing) I am a pescatarian. Doesn't that mean you eat fish?

K: (Laughs)

H: So being a humanitarian means that you eat humans.

K: Yes. (Laughs) Yes. Oh my god, it does.

H: Oh my god, you totally right!

K: Those things don't make any sense. You open it, Hagger!

H: Get up there buddy balls!

K: Buddy balls. Pull it! Push the Z button!

H: I'm pushing it!

K: Or the B button or whatever!

H: It's not...I started out with the Z button and it didn't work. (Singing) I am a pescatarian!

K: Why did you do that...why?

H: I don't know.

K: Whoops!

H: Whatcha doin' Fanger?

K: Oops, I fell in some shrubbery.

H: (mumbles)

K: Oh, okay. Apparently I needed to go this way. (Makes dog sounds).

H: Uh, Hagrid made me die. I'm just gonna switch off and let him figure it out himself. Okay, come on Fang. That was...it bounced right off. Get up. Get it up! Okay the rest of them will make their own way.

K: (Laughs) Get it up? 

H: Get it up, dog.

K: Oh...kay. That's not appropriate. Inappropro

H: (Laughs) Inappropro? (Singing) I am a pescatarian

K: That's not a song. 

H: I made it up!

K: Oh, okay.

H: It is a song.

K: It is now! I said so! Okay I feel like there's stuff down here that we're missing.

H: I feel like there's...

K: Balls?

H: Balls.

K: Balls down here we're missing? 

H: Sprite dots!

K: It might be time to change this episode. 

H: Is it? Already?

K: I don't know, I can't keep track! You've been doing this much longer than I have. Build it! Build it!

H: Why did you stop?

K: I...me?

H: Oh, was it me? I was doing that?

K: Yes!

H: Aha! Ahaaaaa! I had no idea.

K: I was twirling this bush over here.

H: I was making a spiral staircase out of a tree!

K: Bush twirler, that sounds dirty.

H: Bush twirler...(laughs). You're right, it does.

K: Still. Build it. 

H: Oh,  it wasn't a spiral staircase. I built a bridge out of a tree. Okay.

K: Wait, wait, wait.

H: Naaaa...okay I'll wait.

K: Get it! I didn't realize...

H: Did you make a zombie?

K: I don't know, man. Me? How would I?

H: With this button! Use that button. Uhh.

K: I don't know what zombie...what, what button you're talking about.

H: Uh, the one that I was pointing to when I was telling you. This one. You tap it, and you shoot it. You shoot little bolts out of it. You don't. Okay. You're not special. I'm special.

K: I just got left behind!

H: Red dot of droidy-ness!

K: Rudely...Uh-oh. That's a scared unicorn!

H: (Mocking Harry) My head hurts! (Regular voice) Ooh, ahh, ooh. Firenze! Blah, blah, blah. Yakkity smackity. That unicorn did not live.

K: Is that...Firenze?

H: Yeah, sure. He's got like, Robert Pattinson hair though.

K: That hair is a weapon.

H: (Laughs) That hair, yes. Do not let him get near you with that hair.

K: Your argument is invalid.

H: His hair is a bird. Thank you for watching this episode of Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4. We enjoy it. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did!

K: We will not see you, and you will not see us, but you will hear us next time. On Hank and Katherine Play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4. Goodbye!

H: Goodbye!