Good morning John, I'm in a hotel in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, New Hampshire rhymes with new hamster and a hamster is something that I don't have.

I have decided to do this video as a series of open letters. An open letter, of course, being a letter that I write to someone or something that everyone gets to see, not just the person or thing that I write the letter to. So, without further ado, a short letter to my knees.

This is written a piece of my nephew's finger painting, it's very nice, isn't it! Dear knees, Thank you for not sucking. I know that I work pretty hard to make you not suck, I don't do any of the really horrible things like back-country downhill skiing, but sometimes I do bang the crap out of you while I'm dancing and I thank you very much for not having yet given up on me, even though you are sort of disgustingly purple.

Dear downtown Boston, I have never been anywhere more confusing in my life. The GPS machine, I think, actually killed itself. It gave up on life because of you.

I suggest you knock everything down and rebuild completely or outlaw cars. Those are my only suggestions to you. Dear Alex, Kristina, Liz, Aea, Colin and Sam, Thank you so much for waiting on a street corner while I searched all of downtown Boston for the parking garage that I parked in and I didn't know where the parking garage was and it was like the worst experience of my life cause my show was going to start in 30 minutes.

And you were all so nice about my complete ineptitude. And then you cooperated to get all 7 of us into the car and to Cambridge where everyone enjoyed a great Boston-area show. To Howie Mandel, I don't care what kind of financial problems you have, Deal or No Deal is not okay.

When that group of people proposed that idea to you, you should have taken a rubber band and slapped it on each of their faces and then walked out of the room. That is the only acceptable response to the idea of Deal or No Deal. To everyone who's ever wanted to puke but didn't, Thank you so much.

Especially those of you who were in my car at the time. Not puking despite wanting to puke is one of those ordinary everyday acts of heroism that often go unnoticed but the world is a better place because of you people. To the city of Cambridge, You are now my favorite city in the world.

I just wanted to let you know that I left my MacBook Pro on the passenger seat of my car with the window down for two and a half hours! And none of the kind and thoughtful passersby helped themselves to it. So, thank you.

To J. K. Rowling, You know I like what you do, your stuff is the best stuff out there, but not even you deserve a fan community so awesome as Harry Potter nerds.

No one deserves that. I hope you know how lucky you are. To the staff of the Leaky Cauldron, Good lord you people party like it's the end of the freaking world.

Thank you for letting me be a part of it. To North Korea, WTF guys. Think about this for a second, like, I don't care if you have nuclear weapons but if you start thinking about using them the world is going to combine its efforts and turn your entire country into glass.

You don't want that, I don't want that, nobody wants that so give up now. To lilacs, You guys are awesome. Well done.

But you've got a ways to go before you smell as good as iris. And those are all of my open letters for the day. John, I will see you soon.