I received some questions about oral sex and I'd like to answer them starting with "WHY?"

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Researchers at the University of Texas in Austin have found 237 reasons people have sex. Physical pleasure, pleasing a partner, having fun, something to do! Revenge! Which is probably not procreation.

(0:19)

"What are the pros and cons of oral sex?"

On the pros: a better overall sexual experience. For female-bodied people more orgasms, for male-bodied people less rapid ejaculation and impotence. Pregnancy prevention, stress relief, diversity of behaviors and options.

Cons: it can smell bad, taste bad, feel uncomfortable, take a long time. Remember one person's cons can be another person's pros and vice-versa.

(0:39)

"In your opinion, when should children be educated about oral sex?"

This is such a great question! Here's my answer: I believe there isn't one age or developmental marker to determine when. If a child asks, I gauge what a child needs to know, wants to know, and can understand, and then I respond. If the child doesn't ask I teach the information as it comes up in conversation. For example:

"What is 69-ing?"

It's about sex. Do you want to know more?

"Sure."

Sure, yes? Or sure, no?

"Yes."

It's a position people put their bodies into to perform sex. It looks like the number 69.

"I don't get it."

Let me show you a video.

(1:13)

Oral sex tends to enter one's vocabulary during middle school. Psychology will tell you that this is the end of the psycho-sexual latency stage and the beginning of the genital one. Freud!

69-ing, "third base," "pink tacos," "blow jobs," and "rainbow rings" will become the new terms of their peer education.

"Rainbow rings?"

Multiple shades of lipstick marks left on a penis from multiple people fellating it.

At whatever age things come up, support the curiosity and teach healthy options.

(1:39)

How about some of your curious questions, most of which I've noticed are about oral sex troubleshooting.

"How do you not end up with semen in your mouth?"

Don't put a penis in your mouth to begin with. Or, cover the penis with a condom. Or, ask the penis-posessing person to pull out before ejaculating.

(1:58)

"Does a guy just know when he's going to ejaculate?"

Some do. Some THINK they do.

"If you swallow some semen what happens?"

It is digested. Broken down into usable and unusable parts, molecules absorbed by the bloodstream and then excreted. If there are infectious viruses or bacteria you may have gulped an STI.

"What are the dangers of blowing into a vagina?"

Embolism and death. If you force the air into the vagina without a way for it to get out it can build up in the blood vessels and block them. As long as there's a way for the air to get out like a puff across it, you're good!

"Should you brush your teeth first and avoid sugary things like gum?"

Short answer: if you have healthy teeth meaning that you brush and floss regularly then brushing and using a dam is respectful oral sex. Brushing unhealthy gums increases HIV transmission risk because the immune system is right there on the surface trying to fight gum disease. As for sugary things, I would avoid them because they can increase the risk of yeast infections.

(2:48)

"Doesn't it feel weird to give sex to people who don't shave?"

Alright, to begin with, oral sex has been around a lot longer than the trend of shaving pubic hair. Now is it weird to go down on someone with pubic hair? Personal preference. Maybe only as weird as kissing someone with a beard.

"Alright, nose bleeds while eating a girl out. Awful or awfully embarrassing?"

Tell your partner about the risk of the body fluids, get cleaned up, and then prevent it happening in the future. Tampons up the nose, a new position without nasal triggers, different sex acts altogether.

(3:20)

"Is it safe to perform oral sex on a vagina during their period?"

Sex educators are trained to note that sex of any kind has risks. That's why we call it safer sex rather than safe sex. For cunnilingus during menstruation - also known as "red wings!" - the risk is the same as for cunnilingus, period.

Hah! Period.

"Are there any UTI risks associated with oral sex?"

The risk is there if you bring the germs up from the anus to the urethra. It's counterintuitive, but eat out before tossing the salad.

(3:45)

"Does the alphabet thing work when going down on a girl?"

You mean spelling out the alphabet with your tongue? It isn't a formula if that's what you're looking for. Every body responds to different sensations differently. It is a trick to keep the cunning linguist stay on task without repeating the same motion over and over.

"How do you normalize and encourage the use of dental dams?"

I model it. I talk about them as the default setting of sex. I also talk about them as not removing or reducing the sensation.

Quarter. Dam. I can feel the nostrils of Mount Rushmore.

They can enhance the sensation. Rather than a sharp lick of high intensity on one spot, it actually diffuses the sensation across the entire surface of the dam.

(4:25)

"How do I tell my partner if I'm not comfortable with it? Being down there on my knees feels really degrading, like I'm lesser of a person."

Be honest with your partner. Say "I'm not comfortable doing it." Your feeling like a lesser being is for you to resolve within yourself. If being on your knees triggers that feeling, then propose positions positions that are comfortable to you.

So what are some alternative positions?

[models different positions with a giant octopus]

(4:50)

Thank you for supporting sex curiosity. To get more Sexplanations, explore Subbable.

Stay curious.

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