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In which Lindsey talks about 69.

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Host: Dr. Lindsey Doe

Directing/Filming/Editing: Nicholas Jenkins

Titles: Michael Aranda

Executive Producer: Hank Green
It's Sexplanations' 69th episode! So let's talk about the sexiest number, soixante neuf.
I'm gonna use these dolls to explain. We don't know their sexes or gender identities and it Just. Doesn't. Matter. 
"Hey I'd like to go down on you. Would you be okay with that?"
"Yes! I'd like to go down on you, too. Is there a way we can position ourselves to have oral sex at the same time?"

"Alright, let's try this, around, OK! A little bit more, alright. Oh, oh, oh! I'm almost between your legs. There we go, ahhhhh!"

The heads are like the loops of a 6 and a 9. Head to genitals, genitals to head, like this, like this, standing, kneeling, side to side, this one on top, or this one on top.  Sixty-nine expresses all of these variations: simultaneous oral sex. Or digital play, toy play, whatever happens when sixes and nines put their heads in each other's crotches.

You've probably realized that bodies are not as uniform as numbers or barbies at all! Anatomy, reproductive and otherwise, can really change the design of a position. A penis this size cannot fit into a jaw that can only open this wide. Likewise, a two foot torso cannot cover the same distance as a three foot torso. Some bodies are more flexible than--woah. Others are stronger, more coordinated. Think about weight, balance, body image, gag reflexes, sense of smell, and protection. Yes, protection is used for oral sex! Sexually transmitted infections--like herpes, gonorrhea, HPV, HIV--are transmitted mouth to groin, groin to mouth.

For oral sex on a penis: condoms. Specifically, flavored or non-lubricated. And watch your teeth; we want to keep the condom intact. A dam is used for oral sex on a vulva, intersex genitals, or the anus, and you can get official ones at clinics, dentist's offices, and online. Or you can make your own from a glove, a condom, or non-microwavable cling wrap.

Whatever you end up using, it will need to be held in place during 69. There are harnesses specifically made for this. Or you can fashion one on your own with a pair of underwear, crotch cut out. This is all part of preparing for oral sex, just like cleaning your nethers and removing loose pubes. Scrub-a-dub-dub! Inner thighs, scrotum, perineum, penis, vulva--nothing internal! 

In the words of Eve Ensler, "It's not supposed to smell like floral, berry, or rain, it's supposed to smell like pussy!" If you feel insecure about this, or as the performing partner, challenged about going down there, talk about it kindly. 

Dams are going to cover the taste, and most of the smell. Plus, the scent is going to change throughout the month, so you can wait until it's less pungent. 69-ing can be very odorous - your nose up there in the pheromones, sweat, and anus. 

It's absolutely natural for you to have an odor. I'm just asking that you not smell like inadequate hygiene.  And no cologne cover-ups! Hhugh. No one has to perform under unpleasant conditions. There are so many more options! 

69-ing--any oral sex for that matter--is better when there's enthusiasm: when both partners aren't just performing simultaneously, they're experiencing pleasure simultaneously. 

Now then, questions. 

Does the person performing oral sex on a penis move their mouth up and down?
Oral sex on a penis, also called "fellatio," can include licking, kissing, humming, sucking, raking, and other mouth related movements. Even though it's called a "blow-job," blowing is not meant to be taken literally.

Many fellaters or fellatrix will move their mouths in three basic ways.
One--like a Popsicle, where the Popsicle is inserted, and then drawn in and out. 
The second--like a harmonica, where the lips are pursed like this and slide along the shaft of the penis. 
And the third--where the mouth is stimulating a specific part of the penis, like the frenulum or the glans, and the hand is doing the stroking. 

So, in 69-ing, the two partners would want to negotiate positions where they could possibly use their hand, or move their head easily.

Any tips for first timers performing oral sex on someone with a vulva?
Don't start with 69-ing. We want your partner to be able to coach you, and this is more difficult if your partner's mouth is occupied. Other tips would include asking for and listening to directions, using your fingers--but not necessarily to penetrate, not assuming that there's going to be an orgasm, and making sure you do what feels good to your mouth as well. 

Pubic hair! What to do about it?
Trim it, wax it, shave it, or comb it. It is your hair; you choose the style.  If one latches onto your tongue, don't sweat it. You're going to gather up some saliva around it, and then you're going to lick a piece of fabric, like the sheets or your sleeve. If it doesn't come out that way, excuse yourself to the bathroom or ask for help. It is just a hair!

How do you do it without gagging?
One trick is to use your toothbrush and brush the back of your tongue. Over time, go back further and further to relax the gag reflex.
Note: there's a reason why this is called a "gag reflex" or a "regurgitative spasm" - respect your throat.

As with any position, you want to make sure that you can get into and out of it without hurting yourself or others. You want to make sure that you can stop and communicate "stop" to your partners. You also want to make sure you're comfortable.  In the sixty-nine position, the penis-possessing person planning to penetrate needs to be on their back or side, so that the person fellating them can easily move on or off the penis without gagging. 

That being said, if someone is on top, that person needs to practice face-sitting safely. 

Are there any real dangers to face-sitting? 
Yes! You can smother your partner. Queefing and farting can happen, but I wouldn't consider them dangerous. In sexuality, your safety is essential. It is a must. That doesn't mean there isn't going to be opportunities for vulnerability, negotiation, awkward.

69-ing is all of these things. That's right. Sixty-nine is the epitome of pleasure, safety, negotiation, vulnerability, and awkward. Stay curious.

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Nick: "What about your shirt, Lindsey?"
Lindsey: "Umm Wolverine. I got it at a garage sale." (Laughing) "I'm so happy!"

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