[PBS Opening Theme]

[Victoria]: I know! I know. I look tired. It's all part of the sleep deprivation study we're working on. But, you'll hear all about Iggy's breakthroughs in the exciting field of RUINING MY LIFE in today's video.

I'm tired and cranky, and my throat is sore, and I've just realize I've started seeing peculiar red spots everywhere...?

Let's make this quick.

This is my new gas chromatograph. Nice right? We're finally gonna get a chance to take apart this experimental drug Eli, Rory, and I have been dosing ourselves with for weeks. This handy little guy is going pass the drug's compounds in a gaseous state through a narrow tube. And based on the different rates at which the analytes travel, I'll be able to identify them all for us.

Trust me I would be at least 30 percent more excited to talk about liquid analytes and stationary phases if I had any rest.

35 percent, minimum!

(intro music)

After a month of regular doses of our mystery "improved memory" drug, Eli, Rory and I are finally going to determine what's in this thing.

[Eli] I just really-- before we start wanna say I'm delighted to be back and Rory, it's nice to see you.

[Rory] Victoria, is there a drug that will help me NOT remember this moment?

[Victoria] Tequila

As for the study, uh, does anyone thing that the drug is actually helping improve their memory?

[Rory] Not really

[Victoria] Eli?

[Eli] I do actually, now that you mention it. You know what I was thinking about just the other day? Do you remember that time, we couldn't have been older than seven or eight, when you tried to make that prosthetic for the three-legged squirrel?

[Victoria] Uh. That would have worked. The science was sound.

[Eli] We were so sad when we couldn't find him.

[Victoria]Didn't you... catch another squirrel and try to pass him off?

[Eli] Yes! I told you he evolved a new leg. The science was sound.

[Rory] Okay. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but can we get to the chromatograph already?

[Victoria] Umm... Before we move on... Eli you're not uh experiencing any side effects?

[Eli] No.

[Victoria] Nothing?

[Eli] Not that I can think of.

[Rory] The itching. She's talking about the itching.

[Eli] Oh. Yeah. I guess I have been itching a lot the last week or so.

[Rory] Ya think?

[Victoria] Constant. Compulsive. Scratching.

Now on T.V. cop shows, the lab geeks are able to analyze samples of pretty much anything instantly and tell the detectives whats in them. But in reality, these analyses take hours, so what I have done is borrowed some extra medication and I began my tests earlier this morning.

[Eli] Borrowed? From who?

[Rory] Mm. Good question.

[Victoria] Uhh... From the university. Uhh Robert created a diversion and I simply borrowed them.

[Eli] You stole them.

[Victoria] Lets get to the results.

(Shows Analysis)

Those spikes represent compounds that passed through the chromatograph at that particular speed, which we can compare to those of known drugs to identify the substance.

The chemical composition of Eli's dose is almost entirely inert ingredients. Based on the presence of palmitic and oleic acid, I'm guessing it's olive oil.

[Eli] So the olive oil is making me itch?

[Victoria] Honestly, I have no idea what's making you do that. Are you using any new skin products?

[Eli] I don't think so.

[Victoria] Deodorants or soaps?

[Eli] No.

[Victoria] Cologne?

[Rory] You're wearing cologne? When did this start?

[Victoria] Well if you have been using a new scent...?

[Eli] It's called arctic ice.

[Victoria] Looks more like arctic fire.

[Eli] I liked the glacier on the box. It seemed very calming.

[Rory] So Victoria. What drugs are we taking, she asked desperate to change the subject to literally anything else.

[Victoria] So, I've identified the non-placebo drug as huperzen A, commonly known as Chinese Club moss and get this, ginco galoba. They are already discredited natural remedies.

[Rory] So what is the point of all this?

[Victoria] I suppose to prove once and for all these remedies don't work.

[Rory] Yay, Science.

[Victoria] But, even if they are almost certainly not affective, we have to keep taking our doses and finish the study guys. It would be wrong to screw with their results.

[Rory] Mmm. Wrong, like stealing wrong? Or wrong, like borrowing wrong?

[Victoria] So, it's a deal then.

This brings us to a bigger question. How do drugs that actually do improve memory, interact with the human brain?

(intercom rings)

He knows we're recording.

[Iggy] I know Robert said you can only fit three people on camera at a time, but guess what, LOOP WHOLE!!!

[Victoria] What was that?

[Iggy] Just the best reason to shoot a video from home. Cause I can use my own soundboard.

[Victoria] I'm hanging up.

[Iggy] No wait. Wait. It's about science.

[Victoria] So is this. We're doing the gas chromatograph survey.

[Iggy] Boring. You said the drug trials were a dead end. It's time we start working on my sleep deprivation study.

[Victoria] I'm hanging up.

[Eli] That's actually a good idea.

[Rory] I'd probably watch that.

[Iggy] So here, check this out. You, Victoria Frankenstein, and me, Iggy DeLacey, deprive ourselves of sleep for 72 hours, then we film ourselves doing that sleep deprivation thing and then we can record the results of people who are normally geniuses being sleep deprived.

[Victoria] That doesn't sound very scientific and plus we would have to take a whole bunch of readings, so that we would have some point of comparison after 72 hours.

[Iggy] Okay, I'm going to put my pants on. I'll be right there.

[Victoria] That's quite enough of that.

We won't have a control if its just the two of us.

[Eli] Oh, well, I'll get plenty of sleep and then I'll call you and tell you how good and rested I feel.

[Rory] Oh, and I'll get plenty of non-sleep and I'll call you and tell you have good and rested I feel.

[Eli] Oh, well then, I'll stay up late too, along with my new totally hot girlfriend that I'm going to get soon. Who loves me for me and doesn't dump on everything I try to do. We'll call you.

[Rory] Oh really? How do you expect a girlfriend if you're always pooping in little cups?

[Eli] You know I'm not even going to be pooping in cups all the time. I'm going to be doing my other activities... 

[Victoria] Okay. Okay. Looks like I'm in for 72 hours of this but I guess you guys get a break. 

(end theme)