Good morning, Hank. It's Tuesday, November 12th, 2013. 11-12-13! I learned an interesting fact today which is that sugar does not make children hyperactive.
Now, I know what you're saying Hank: "Yes it does.", because you remember being a kid and drinking a coke and then you and I would like run around in circles for hours and hours and hours. Hold on, I have to button up this button. What're we shooting here, some kind of swimsuit catalogue?

But it doesn't Hank! Sugar does not cause hyperactivity and there are more studies that attesting to this than there are studies proving that like most drugs humans take are safe.

You know, on second thought, I think I need to come down a button.
Henry: Whoooooa!
Oh hey, Henry!

Anyway, if you don't believe me, you should watch this Healthcare Triage video by Dr. Aaron Carroll. Dr. Carroll helps write a blog called "Incidental Economist" that I stole from a lot in my video about healthcare costs. And then it turns out that he lives in Indianapolis so we met and now we're producing a show that he's making about healthcare that adds like nuance and complexity to the conversation. You know, all the things that traditional healthcare reporting is lacking.

So if you don't understand like drug trials and insurance and why sugar highs are not actually caused by sugar, you should check out Health Care Triage. You can click here or else there's also a link in the dooblydoo.

Anyway, Dr. Carroll also writes books which I have read two of in the last 24 hours because they are highly addictive and also because they have revealed that my entire life is a lie. Like for instance, teething does not cause babies to have fevers. Married people have more sex than single people of the same age, and also report that the sex that they have is better. Using a sponge to clean your kitchen counter will likely make your kitchen counter dirtier than it was before because the average sponge contains more pathogens than like the average toilet seat.

Lifting heavy boxes does not cause hernias, it can reveal hernias but it doesn't cause them. Americans are not more likely to commit suicide around Christmas. If you stop exercising, your muscles do not turn to fat. Which is good news for my emerging guns. Also, as you gain weight, the number of fats cells in your body does not increase, it's just that the size of them increases. Sit-ups do not flatten your stomach. And in great news for me, you are not more likely to get an infection from being on an airplane than from being in any other public space. Like an office building or a bus or whatever. But you are more likely to acquire a disease in any of those places than you are if you just like stay in your house by yourself so THANK YOU INTERNET.

Also Hank, I learned that in rare instances vomiting hard and frequently can cause your eyes to pop out of your head. So that's a good thing for a hypochondriac like myself to know. Because it ensures that for the rest of my life, I will be puking with my eyes closed.

Okay Henry, so Daddy can not eat worm pizza, your first suggestion for the gross thing I should eat, because it turns out that eating worms can be really bad for you; it can be kinda poisonous.

Henry: Why?

Well because they have bacteria on them.

Henry: Oh.

Those little microbes, you know?

Henry: Yeah.

Yeah, so we can't eat them.

Henry: Okay, but

So what gross thing should I eat for my punishment?

Henry: Ah, you're gonna eat slobber carrots.

Slobber carrots? What are those?

Henry: No, how about I drool on them?

You're gonna drool on slobber carrots?

Henry: Yeah.

And then I have to eat it?

Henry: Mhm.

Henry, wasn't there something else that you wanted me to eat?

Henry: Really gross barbecue.

Really gross barbecue?

Henry: Yeah.

What does that mean?

Henry: I don't know but Dad.

Are we going to make it gross together?

Henry: No. I know how to make it gross with my drool!

So we're going to have slobber carrots with Henry drool and really gross barbecue with Henry drool.

Henry: Yeah. How about wooden shoes?

A wooden shoe?

Henry: Yeah. [after John turns his chair] No?

I mean, I don't think I can eat- I might be able to eat a little part of a wooden shoe.

Henry: No, not some of the wooden shoe.

No?

Henry: No.

What should I eat then?

Henry: Lights!

Lights?!

Henry: Yeah.

The visible sign of the invisible light?

Henry: Yeah.

Hmmm.. I don't see how I can eat light itself because it's more of an idea than it is a thing.

Henry: Cause if you eat it, it might break your mouth?

That's a good point. That would hurt.

Henry: Yeah.

I just have to eat something that tastes gross.

Henry: Um... hats!

Hats? Alright, so we're gonna have slobber carrots with drool, really gross barbecue with the drool, and hats.

Henry: Yeah!

Alright! Thanks for the punishment, Hank. I'll see you on Friday.