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Duration:03:08
Uploaded:2015-03-03
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In which John explores the childhood memorabilia he chose to keep, attempting to deconstruct memories as Hank recently deconstructed an adding machine. Also, John learns that his parents found him "ugly" and "so purple" as a child.

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Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday.   So I recently discovered this box full of childhood memorabilia. It hasn't been explored in at least 10 years, and today we're going to find out what's inside.   The first thing I notice when I open the box is this participant badge to a science and engineering fair. I didn't finish first, I didn't finish second, or third, but I did participate. Hank, the fact that mom and dad chose to keep my participant ribbon perhaps indicates why you're the brother who deconstructed an adding machine.   Here I have a "mom and dad why did you ever let me buy those glasses?" picture.   Photograph of me from my brief experimentation with contact lenses.   And a picture of me from back when I was the worst player on my childhood soccer team.   Alright what else? Oh Hank look! Academic Decathlon Medals. So Hank it looks like the rest of this box contains boxes. When I was a kid I had a, uh, box collection? And by "when I was a kid" I mean until my early twenties.    Anyway, lets see if the boxes have anything in them. This is a lovely box given to me by my college girlfriend. It's empty, that's a metaphor.    This ones a winner. Oh and there's stuff inside! But sadly it's just more boxes. Empty box. Another empty box. What childhood memories did you preserve John? Oh, I preserved memories of emptiness.   This box actually has something in it; it is a rose given to me by Betsy Hinckle, my tenth-grade home-coming dance date. Oh my god there is also a tooth in there! It is one of my baby teeth Hank, or at any rate, someone's baby teeth.   This box had some of my old cub scout patches in it from 1985.    This box had a stamp from Germany inside of it. Glad I chose to keep that. This one's empty. This one I can't figure out how to open, that's kind of exciting. GAHHH! It's empty.   This box just has a bunch of pennies in it. I don't know why I chose to keep them. You shouldn't even exist pennies!   I know what you're wondering Hank, what's in this box? You will never guess, unless you guessed boxes.   Alright Hank, last box, my most beloved box from childhood -- this real cigar box, let's see what's inside. Oh, there's pictures. There is actually something of value in here! These are not pictures of me. These are mostly picture of flowers.   Flower, flower... No! Oh, there's me, What am I doing? Am I eating a snake? That's the one Hank, that's the one picture of me I chose to keep.    Hank, down at the bottom beneath all of the boxes, was this beautiful book, "Baby's milestones, birth to seven years" filled out by our mom and dad. There is like a little bracelet that Mom wore at the hospital. Polaroid pictures of me just after birth.    Here are my foot prints, and here on this page, Hank, preserved for all time my Mom and Dad's first words about me my Mother said "He's ugly" exclamation point. And my Dad said, "He's so purple" exclamation point.   Ah, to be fair I have seen a few newborns in my day. They do tend towards the ugly and the purple.   So Hank, what have we learned from this trip down memory lane? Two things I think, first, put things in your boxes. And secondly life is not so much about things as it is about people, and what we do together.   Hank, the amazing thing about that box of childhood memories is that you could go through the whole thing without ever knowing I had a brother. And yet nonetheless it is completely impossible for me to imagine my life without you, you adding-machine deconstructing nerd.   Hank, I will see you on Friday.