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Have you been in the friendzone? Sucks, right? Well I've been around long enough to know what it's really about. And there's only one real solution...give up, either leave the relationship, or start acting like a real friend.

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A Bunny
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Good morning, John You've done a couple relationship advice videos in your time, but I've never ventured into that territory and I feel like I should because, John, there are millions of young people in America today in a perilous state. So close to the focus of their romantic longings, and yet further away than any stranger on a street. It's the friendzone. To all of the people currently in the friendzone, by the end of this video you will know how to escape it, but, to be clear, you will not be able to do it. Exiting the friendzone is like exiting the earth's gravity: it can be done, and it's even fairly easy to understand how to do it. But on the other hand, in my lifetime, only a handful of extremely physically fit and well-funded men and women have managed to do it, and they were all frickin' geniuses or fighter pilots. But first let us discuss what the friendzone is and how to know when you're there. "it's just so nice to finally have someone I can share everything with" (FRIENDZONE) "Aw. I like you too much to go out with you. I don't wanna ruin what we already have" (FRIENDZONE) "I wish I could just find someone more like you" (FRIENDZONE) It's really normal and understandable for the person in the friendzone, the person who's, like, positively dripping with lust pheromones, to imagine the dramatic unfairness of the situation. That if the person that you so obviously love wants someone more like you, why don't the go for someone exactly like you? But here's the unpleasant truth: in the friendzone relationship, there is no person in the right. You are both in an unhealthy relationship. Trust me, I've been in the friendzone. John, I'm sure that you've been in the friendzone even more than I have, knowing your romantic past. But if you're anything like me, you started this relationship from a point of absolute infatuation. But you figure that maybe if you do everything you possibly can for this person, you could- you could get them to the point where you're at. So you're sensitive and you're helpful and you counsel them on their romantic relationships in a way that is very much, like, unanesthetized finger removal, all in the hopes that someday they will fall you because you're...so nice and nearby. But when I did this in my life, that person didn't respect me, because I didn't give them any reason to respect me. I gave them all of my attention, I gave them everything that they asked for, and I never gave them what they really needed. I was like a magnifying glass and my love was the sun and they were a tiny ant at the end of that beam, just being crushed under the tremendous power of the fire of my desire. I wasn't being a nice guy; I wasn't being sensitive; I wasn't even being a good friend. All I wanted to do was get them to love me, which is, as it happens, a really horribly way to get someone to love you. So here it is, my friends, if you want to leave the friendzone there are two doors. If you can manage it, and you probably can't, you leave through the friend door and you just become that person's friend. Support them, but, you know, only when they need it and, you know, support your other friends too. It turns out that people who act like actual friends, like, mutual respect sort of friends, they often end up hooking up. But friendzone, zombie lust-mongers don't get any love ever. The second door is the exit door, where you just leave. In two years down the road that person will ask you "why did we stop hanging out? We had such good times." You can tell them the truth, which is that you could not handle the constant pressure of not having your tongue in their mouth all the time. So you had to leave and go put your tongue is someone else's mouth for a while. And maybe at that point, years down the road, they will- they will rethink their position on you because of what a strong and clever person you've become and they'll stick their tongue in your mouth. And it'll be awesome. But since you are a mere mortal and will probably not be able to do either of those things, I suggest you focus on alleviating the suffering of others, like through Kiva.org where Nerdfighteria now has the second largest group of all time. Please go join now, so we can be the biggest group. John, I'll see you on Tuesday.