Hello, and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green and I have just become the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys.

Oh, my gosh, this is an exciting moment for me and a culmination in many ways of my career. Um, our starting strikers are Bald John Green and Other John Green. A. Bennett, who as you can see right there has dyed his hair red in exchange for me promising never to buy another ginger. Um--they've got a ginger on Oxford United, but that doesn't interest me anymore. Nope, I'm out for results for this team that I love: AFC Wimbledon.

So, today I want to tell you the story of, the astonishing story, the true story, of AFC Wimbledon. Um, and along the way maybe uh, maybe introduce some of the players, but again as always I'm going to be counting on you- by the way, Other John Green, captain of the team, is wearing his Swoodilypooper Red, umm, armbands, in memory of his time with Swindon, although he's all blue now. Um....

So, I want to tell you the true story of AFC Wimbledon and along the way introduce some of the players but of course as always, I'm counting on you, the supporters, uh, hopefully to get behind this club and its amazing story, um, and also to introduce me to the players. Um, so there you go. Okay. There's our starting eleven, umm.... yeah. It's exciting. Gosh, this is nerve wracking.

So, in 2002- uh, for many years, ever since, like, the 19th century, there was a football club in the neighborhood or town or whatever of Wimbledon, which is just outside of- it's in South London. And um, and that club, uh, you know for many years it was a non-league club, which means that it wasn't in one of the top four leagues in English soccer. But they had, they also had some astonishing achievements, including making it to the Prem-well, what we now know as the Premier League, in I think the '80s and early '90s, and once winning the FA Cup, defeating Liverpool in one of the great upsets in the history of the FA Cup. Uh, incredibly exciting game, unless you're a Liverpool supporter.

Um, and uh--and generally, I mean, it was a wonderful club with a fascinating history--and then one day... um, the team was moved. Uh, to the city of Milton Keynes. Um. And that has never happened, really, in- or it has happened, but very occasionally, in the history of English football. We do not have a franchise system in England. The clubs are based in the towns, they are part of the towns, the supporters are part of the clubs, it's nothing like American, you know, football, where a team might move because it's owned by a person who wants to move it. Um, there is no franchising like that.

Um, because you don't need franchising like that, because you can just, if you're a community that's strong enough to support a football club, you can just take a club from the ninth or tenth tier of English football, you can just start out, you know, somewhere below League football, and you can keep getting promotions until you get to the Football League and then you can play with anybody else you want. That's the way that football works in England. And it's a beautiful system and it works--ahhh!

Other John Green. I should mention, if you're new to the game, that John Green and John Green are married to each other, they're teammates in life and in love, and after being apart for most of the last two seasons, they are finally back together and I know that it means so much to them, um, to be able to play together because no one has the chemistry that Bald John Green and Other John Green have. I mean that's just one of the things about being the only strike partnership in all of football that is also a marriage.

Um... so, um. So AFC Wimbledon's team was taken away, and it was moved, or Wimbledon's team was taken away and it was moved to Milton Keynes, and uh, it is one of- it remains, frankly, one of the, like, great embarrassments and tragedies of, of, in the history of the Football Association in England. It's unbelievable that they allowed this to happen, that they voted in favor of the move. Um, Wimbledon lost its stadium, they lost, and they lost their club, I mean, they uh, pretty much, you know, they weren't gonna have a team anymore.

So supporters of Wimbledon came together, and, um, the hope was that, uh, I guess that somehow the supporters of Wimbledon would continue to support this new team that played in a new stadium, under a new name, with new, uh, with new everything OH! OH IT HAS TO BE! GET IT GET IT G- OH, what a beautiful goal! [singing] ♫ John Greens, John Greens, Bald and Other John Greeeeens--they love each other and they love our team. ♫ Oh, that was great. I mean, you know what I loved about that, was that it was just John Green to John Green to John Green then goal. You know, I mean just that, that header back- that header back, that's when you just know and love your husband. Beautiful stuff.  1 - nil to the good guys, AFC Wimbledon.

So... um, yeah, so, they lost everything. They lost their stadium, which is now a housing development, they lost, um, you know, they...they, you know...the whole, you know, hundred-plus-year history of this club was taken away from them all at once. The freakin' FA Cup was taken away from them. Um, and moved to Milton Keynes; it has since been returned. Oh, here it is again, another nice run, another nice run, wait for it! Ohhhh. Shoulda cut back there.

Um. And then, um.... Big strong BIG STRONG MAN! no. Umm...no. Um. So, so the hope of the people who started what is now known as MK Dons, um, because of Wimble-Don, you know that it's supposed to connect these two places that are 90 kilometers apart and have absolutely nothing in common- um, uh, the whole hope of the owners of this new club was that all the Wimbledon supporters would continue to support their historic club, and that all of the people in Milton Keynes would get behind this club and that it would become a huge club and, you know, it would be in the top flight of English football, and everybody would make lots of money and whatever whatever whatever.

That is not what happened: Milton Keynes today plays in League One, the third tier of English football, um, and um- yes, so. That is what actually happened. And, you know, they have their supporters and I don't want to take anything away from their supporters, uh, their supporters just aren't, just aren't us. Um... oh, get it! Ohhhhhahh. You gotta get that on goal, Bald John Green, you're better than that. Um, as you can see we're opening up a lot of space against Oxford United. We're talented, we're hardworking, and we're devoted to our club.

So, um... so what happened? Well, the people of Wimbledon, the supporters of the club historically known as Wimbledon FC, uh, there is a, um, you may have seen this if you live in London. There is a place called Wimbledon Commons. Um. If you're familiar with British children's television at all, Wimbledon Commons is also where the Wombles live, who give part of their name to the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. The other part, of course, being that time is not linear so much as it's kind of a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. Um, and uh, two of our players, John Green and John Green, are of course Time Lords, which is how they are able to transport themselves from FIFA to FIFA. Ohhhhh, great job there by one of my defenders.

Um, so- this is FIFA 14, by the way. So what happens? The, so the Wimbledon Common is this, uh, basically it's a, you know, public, public common, public park type of thing, and, uh, people who supported Wimbledon said, "Okay, well, we're gonna start a new team. And we're gonna have tryouts on the Wimbledon Common. And everybody who wants to play can try out. If you think you're good enough to play for us, you can try out." They basically chose their first team in 2002 from those people, from the people who just showed up to Wimbledon Common that day, and they started the club AFC Wimbledon.

Nine years they were in the ninth tier of English football at the time, the ninth- the bottom rung of the ladder, the Combined Counties League I think it's called. And um...and nine short years later, they were playing Luton Town in a one-game playoff to decide who among those two teams would go to the Football League- go to League Two, become a full-time professional side, and AFC Wimbledon won that game on penalties, and the man who kicked the deciding penalty is named Danny Kedwell, which is why supporters of AFC Wimbledon sometimes sing the song, [singing] ♫ "Oh Danny Kedwell, you are the love of my life, oh Danny Kedwell, I'd let you have sex with my wife, oh Danny Kedwell, I'd let you do it twice, I would," ♫ except they don't say "have sex."

Um, and uh, yeah, and today AFC Wimbledon, two years later, continues to be in the Football League, after a heroic last, uh, last gasp victory in their final game of last season they managed to stay up in the Football League, it was an amazing result, and so they are IN FIFA 14 AND THEY ARE SCORIN' SOME GOALS! Oh, it's, it's B. Fuller, I didn't even know he was on my team. I'm so excited about him, I don't know his name yet, I don't know his backstory, I don't know much about him, but I'll tell you what, he knows how to head the ball. GET IT, B. Fuller! FINISHER. I like him already.

Um. We're up two-nil, and I've gotta protect my boys, so I'm gonna go ahead and make some changes. The guy who scored the goal to keep AFC Wimbledon in the Football League is a young fella named Jack Midson. Um, he's comin' in. And um, then we're also gonna take out Luke Moore and we're gonna bring on YaYaYaYaYa Bamba. And then, um... ah, we've got two Moore's, Luke Moore and- I don't know if his name's Luke, actually, I don't know. I don't know where I got that from. Probably just think his name's Luke. And then we're gonna take off, uh, S. Moore as well. Both Moore's are coming off. We've been completely unMoored. Anybody? Anybody? All right.

So, um. So AFC Wimbledon makes it all the way, they achieve five promotions in just nine years to make it all the way from the ninth tier of English football, all the way to the Football League, becoming a full-time professional team, uh, League Two, and where they still are today, and we- I love AFC Wimbledon, they are, they have always been my favorite team, um... or at least, like, "always"- "always" for the last, like, four years, since, you know, "always." Bandwagonner! Um, they have been my favorite team in the, like, League One and League Two world, the sort of lower tiers of football, for years now.

And I really- I like all the players, I like the manager, I like the way that they conduct themselves, and I like the supporters a lot. It's a really good community of supporters, because unlike every other team, except for a couple, well I should say they were the first team- I think they were the first team in the Football League to be entirely owned by their fans. So how do you solve the problem of the Football League screwing you over and, uh, shipping your team off to Milton Keynes? You make sure that your team is owned by your fans. Uh, so the supporters of the club own the club in its entirety, there is no, um, there is no one else, um, who controls the sort of destiny of the club. Um, basically it was bought and paid for by people who love...

A- OH HOOOOOO! [singing] ♫ He's big, he's tough, he has a brilliant puff, Other John Green, Other John Green! ♫ Oh. He's in pure ecstasy, it's a little much, it's a bit of an exaggerated, um, uh, celebration, considering that we're already up 3 - nil. But that's how we do. We like to, uh, humiliate Oxford United. It should be mentioned, by the way, that Oxford United is Swindon's biggest rival, so this is a pleasurable game for Other John Green on a couple levels.

Um. So, I really thought that it would be fun as, uh, as AFC Wimbledon. And also, there is going to be a bonus to this- OH?! Could it be? ...It couldn't. Um, which is that, um.... [Laughs] I'm not sure how we're gonna make this work yet, but I have decided that a hundred percent- because AFC Wimbledon is run by its fans, um, they don't have a ton of money. Right? Like, uh, it's not like they have a rich prince or something who owns the club who pays for the, uh...you know, pays for the players' salaries and for the kits and everything. Um, they, uh, they are, you know.

They are in fact like one of the, you know, least well-funded teams in professional, uh- oh, GET IT!- English football. And, um, I--so yeah, I like the idea of us as a community, um, not just, um, not just rooting for the team that we see here in pixel form but also rooting for them in real life. So one hundred percent of our Hankgames revenue, um, that comes in to the Swoodily- aaughaghh, the Wimbly Womblys will, um, will go to AFC Wimbledon, itself, the actual football club, to help them buy, like, players, and socks and stuff. Um, and uh, yeah. So that is- so we're changing the business model of Hankgames to one that is mostly about supporting an actual football team. Um... I really like this idea, I hope that you guys like it as well. So, uh, every time you watch one of those annoying ads, just know that, uh, you're making the people of Wimbledon very happy indeed. 

So. Here we go, seventy-seventh minute. Our new club JUST ABSOLUTELY DOMINATING THE GAME. John Green to John Green, it's true love! [singing] ♫ John Greens, John Greens, Bald and Other John Greeeeens--they're the best forwards that Swindon Town has ever seen. ♫ That was actually Jack Midson to John Green, my bad. And also I said to Swindon Town. That was a disastrous goal, I wish I hadn't scored it. Great job, Jack Midson to John Green. Then I said Swindon Town when I meant- whatever, you know what, that's what the Wimbledon fans are singing right now because it doubly humiliates the Oxford United fans. Um.

So, um- you know, like there are a lot of rivalries in sports. The rivalry between, um, MK- I mean, I hesitate to even call them the Dons because they have absolutely nothing to do with Wimbledon except that, um, they stole, um, you know, they took the team. But there is a great, um...you know, this is nothing against people who live in Milton Keynes, but there is a great, uh, one of their great chants that Wimbledon supporters sing is, um, is they sing about MK Dons, they sing, "Who are you, who are you, who are you," um, "when you were us." Which I just think is--OH! FINISHER! Ohoho, that's what you get when you try to be fancy!

It's P. Sweeney, is everybody gonna score today? Is the entire team gonna score today? I guess I need a name for P. Sweeney as well, guys. Um, we need some songs for these boys. Look at that, it's just a great finish, then he jumped over the keeper like a boss. I love it. I love everything about that play because it shows that we've got hustle and heart, some things that have been lacking, it must be said, from some Hankgames teams of the past, so I'm feeling really good about these boys right now. I love their hustle, I love their heart, and I love that they're playing, um, just with absolute commitment.

And that's another thing about the team, like, because it is owned by the fans, there's a really special relationship- I mean, look, there's always a good relationship between supporters and players, but like it's a really special relationship and if you watch Wimbledon games- um, I'll put some links to big moments in AFC Wimbledon history in the, uh, in the dooblydoo so you can, uh, you can start to understand why I love this team so much. Um, but you see that it's just a very special relationship because, uh, you know- your salary is being paid by supporters. Um, and uh, people, uh- yeah, people take the opportunity to be part of this club very seriously, and, um, yeah, I'm really, uh, I'm really ex--OHH get it get it get it get it get it!

Just don't, don't ever give up on the ball. Unnecessary slide tackle, yes, sure, absolutely. That's not a foul! What was fouly about that? Oh no, it's just because we are the victors! Goals from Green, Fuller, Green, Green, and P. Sweeney! Oh, what a beautiful day. What a beautiful way to begin a beautiful relationship. Thank you to AFC Wimbledon for allowing me to become your imaginary manager Thank you for watching Hankgames without Hank. Best wishes.