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In which John discusses the relative merits of inside and outside.


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A Bunny
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((') (')
Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Hank, that's the view outside of my back yard. The view that I am generally looking at while I'm writing. As you know I've never taken a lot of stock in nature. I mean, I'm in favor of the environment and everything, but my general policy is that we should protect it by keeping ourselves distant from it. I'm generally a big fan of inside. In fact I believe that the entire reason human beings created inside was so that we wouldn't have to deal with outside anymore. And I've always found it endlessly amusing that people choose to be outside. Camping, backpacking, when our ancestors when through all this trouble to make inside for our comfort and happiness. Going outside just seems dismissive to your ancestors. Let's face it Hank, Nanny and Papa worked hard all their lives so that we could live inside.

But ever since I moved to Indiana, I find my distaste for outside kind of beginning to wane. In fact, Hank, I am so enamored with outside that I am now going to show you a nature-themed Nerdfighters photo. Remember Nerdfighters, SPF 30 or above. (photo of Nerdfighters written in sand) That's right baby, we may be pasty, but Nerdfighters can hang out at the beach. I mean I still don't like the occupants of outside. For instance I don't like mice, and I don't like moles. There's a family of raccoons that lives under our deck. I don't like the raccoons. But I am starting to enjoy working outside. Although it's a screened in porch, so it's only kind of half outside. In fact Hank, maybe screened in is the exact right amount of outside. It occurs to me that I could probably hike the Appalachian trail as long as I had a screened in enclosure around me at all times.

Hank I'm looking forward to doing my punishment on Tuesday. I've already gotten some medals of some kind together, and this weekend I'm gonna get myself to the thrift store, get me some big baggy pants, maybe one of those old belts like I used to have, some green hairspray. Oh, speaking of the green hairspray: obviously I don't want you to just spray paint a green mohawk into your head. I want you to spray paint a green mohawk into your head and recreate the Goth picture.

OK Hank, I'm gonna go back inside and continue my attempt to find the perfect song to dance to during my punishment. I mean obviously if you're gonna be a shirtless surprisingly fat guy recreating the look of a shirtless amazingly skinny guy, you need a great song. Incidentally anyone with suggestions for that song is welcome to share them with me. Hank, I'll see you on Monday.