All right ready? 1 2 3 Audience: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday! Holy crap, that was a lot of people. (points at his shirt, reads Brotherhood 2.0: in your pants) how awesome is that? (Happy dance) Yesterday I was speaking in front of all those Borders managers. Thanks for participating by the way. But today I don't have anything to do at all, so I thought I'd just walk around Denver. It sure is beautiful here, although unfortunately the city is being attacked by a giant bear (bear statue is attacking building). First I ran into this guy (worker with Stop sign in front of stop light) his job seems kind of redundant. Then, because it is important to me to appreciate the local cuisine, I went and had lunch at Chili's too. I'm telling you man, this town is being attacked by giant metal bears. Then I found myself at ESPN zone and I thought: "Maybe they have nerdfighters". They didn't have nerdfighters. But they sure had boxing. And horse racing. Ah, boy, horse racing is one of those things that feels a lot cooler than it looks. ESPN zone might not be the fastest way to spend $10.00, but it's the fastest way I ever encountered. Then I happened across a mall. Hank, I haven't been to a mall in 10 years, so I decided to do an anthropological experiment and see how much malls have changed in the decade that I've been away. (shots of what is listed) Faux marble tile? check. Sunglasses hut? check. Nobody needs a shoe shine? check. Panda express? check. Subway? check. Flag World? check. (holds up a miniature-montana-flag, which falls apart) Sorry, it broke on the way home. By the way, low quality merchandise at high quality merchandise prices? check. Card store, where you don't want to buy any of the cards? check. Now I know what you're wondering Hank. You're wondering: "Well, sure they still have card stores, but do they still sell the same items that they did 10 years ago?". Check! And now you're saying: "OK fine, they still sell Ty stuffed animals, but do they still sell those glass-etchings that are extraordinarily cheesy but sometimes convey true sentiments?" (A glass etching of "I'm so lucky to have such a Wonderful Wife" is zoomed in on) Check. I miss the yeti. Gourmet gumballs? check. GNC? check. Wait, wait, wait. Go back! Gourmet gumballs? Gourmet gumballs? What kind of flavors you got? Chocolate milkshake, creamsicle, banana-strawberry, nerds gum. Nerd gum? Rock! Hank, in short: according to my anthropological experiment, the American mall remains largely unchanged from what it was 10 years ago. The primary difference? It's just a little more awesome. Mmmmm, nerdy. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow.