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Duration:04:00
Uploaded:2022-08-17
Last sync:2022-10-27 05:30
It's thoughts from places but covid is the place.
In which John gets Covid and becomes America's leading Cars vs. analyst. I literally might delete this later.

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Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday.

Greetings from Covid. Uh...

Great video last week, here's the literal opposite of it. If you know anything about me it's that I am America's leading Covid-stricken "Cars vs" influencer/analyst.
This car, oh nah, see that would be a massive issue for me because one of my biggest fears is getting unexpectedly drenched in raw sewage, and that looked like it maybe had sewage in the back of it. 

There we have a, uh, what I think is known in the "Cars vs" world as a- as a  proper issue. Now there is the smartest car in the squid. *Laughs* The what? I- I think I was going for "squad," but I like "squid" better. Sometimes you write a line like, the most famous example in my own life is, fell asleep the way you fall in love, fall, fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly then all at once.
And you - and when I wrote that line, I remember being like, "That's pretty good." And it is, I still, I still like it, ok, but it's not nearly as good as the "Smartest car in the squid." That's, that's proper genius.

You know I think I want to drive around the giant bulge, I don't understand the urge to conquer the giant bulge. It feels like toxic masculinity to me, but I would- I would survive that but I would be very freaked out afterwards. Um, I would probably call my therapist and be like, "You'll never guess what was on the road, it was a giant bulge."

This one, I don't think, no, that's a no. This is a big problem for me because I do not enjoy a spinny ride, I do not like the teacups at Disney World, and I do not like my car flipping over in multiple directions, like, dozens of times and then landing on its- but you know what? It's Like I always say "If it rides, I live-live, live. I'm working on a pun, ok? I've got a little foggy brain.

This one, again, I think that's- I think that's gonna be a real issue for me. I think- I think I've got myself a, I think I've got myself a proper problem. Al- although, if it rides, I lives.

I wonder what I would have to, like, be faced with in order to indulge in a real life version of Cars vs. Giant Ramp. This is of course, uh, not gonna be the kind of thing that one emerges from. Like, I guess if like, somebody was like, "Uey you gotta do Cars vs. Giant Ramp or we're gonna exterminate the human race." I would be like "Oh, finally, it's my deep impact moment, it's my chance to..." and I'll be the hero that second grade me wanted to be.

But the problem is that adult me is pretty cowardly, so I might try to get like, somebody to volunteer as tribute if we're being realistic. I might be like "Don't- don't we need young adult novelists in the glorious dystopian future that awaits us on the other side of this great sacrifice?"

I love the idea of going to a cocktail party and like, meeting somebody and saying like  "Hey, what do you uh, what do you do for a job?" And they'll be like "Oh I- I make Tiktoks simulating Trains vs. Giant Pit outcomes" and I'd be like "Oh that's- that's cool, have you- have you learned anything?" And they'd be like, "Yeah, the big thing I've learned in research so far is that its actually- it's actually pretty bad for trains to run into giant pits"

Got a rainbow coloured train. I wonder if changing the colour changes the outcome. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that it might still be an issue for there to be a giant pit... and it is! *Laughs himself into a coughing fit*
This is the most fun ive had in like, at least three days.