==Intro Music==

Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to SciShow Quiz Show! I'm your host, Michael Aranda, and today on the show, we have contestants, Internet-Guy Hank Green! (whispers) Applause... applause!

(contestants clap)

Hank: I'll clap for me.

Reid: I'll clap for you, too.

Hank: Okay.

Michael: And brand new co-host of SciShow Space, Reid Reimers.

(clapping off-screen)

Reid: Howdy. 

(Hank laughs.)

Hank: I'm not going to - I'm not - I'm not gonna clap for you. Sorry. You're taller than me.

Reid: I see how this is gonna go.

Hank: You're taking over my new show.

Reid: I see how this is going to go. Okay.

Hank: Yeah. It's a competition here.

Michael: Good.

(All laugh.)

Michael: These two will compete in a battle of wits; a battle of scientific knowledge; a battle for the fate of humanity. 

Reid: Ooh.

Michael: I guess we need to pick the people that you guys are gonna... play for now. 

Hank: Oh. What's that, Michael Aranda?

Michael: Well! (clears throat)

(all laugh)

Michael: These two contestants...

Hank: (laughing) Sorry.

Michael: Uh... do I need to keep using this mic?

(all laugh)

Michael: (tosses mic away) We don't need it. 

Reid: I'll use it.

Hank: It looked good.

(all laugh)

Michael: These two contestants will be playing on behalf of two Subbable... subscribers that we're going to randomly draw out of this witch... cauldron thing.

Hank: Which c- which thing?

Michael: This thing!

Michael: Hank Green you'll be playing for Pedro L. Lopez Colón.

Hank: Yeah!

Reid: Wow.

Hank: Pedro, I got you. 

Michael: Reid, you'll be playing for Keith Chiem.

Reid: Sorry Keith!

Hank: Keith!

Reid: (groans and grimaces)

Hank: (laughs)

Reid: It's gonna be rough.

Hank: You are not respecting the props today. 

(all laugh)

Reid: It can handle it. 

Hank: They go in the breast pocket? Close to our hearts!

Reid: Yes, close to my heart. Sorry Keith!

Michael: The winner of today's show will receive a pin that says "I won on Quiz Show!" And, a secret prize from our DFTBA warehouse. 

Reid: Ooh.

Michael: Here's Stefan Chin to show off what you can take home today!

Reid: (whistles) Mm!

Michael: We got a fabulous Pizza John blanket! 

Reid: Mhmm.

Michael: We've got a fabulous Pizza John Pin! 

Reid: Ooh.

Michael: And a fabulous Pizza John Pencil. 

Reid: Ooh. Oh.

Michael: Think of the notes you could take.

Reid: (disgusted) Oh. 

Hank: (whispering and laughing) Oh my God, stop it. 

Reid: (groans. clears throat)

(all laugh)

Hank: What are we doing?

(all laugh) 

Hank: What does the loser get?

Michael: Uh, the loser will receive a pin that says "I lost on SciShow Quiz Show" or something.

(all laugh) 

Reid: Get ready Keith!

Michael: Kay, you've each got 1,000 (one thousand) points in the bank, I'll ask a question. If you think you've got the answer, hit the buzzer, and we'll find out if you're a winner, or a loser. 

Hank: That's really what we're playing for.

Reid: Yeah. Obviously.

Hank: Life stat.

Reid: Yeah.

Hank: Now I know I'm a loser. Forever.

Reid: Yeah. Just, solid. 

Michael: Okay, let's kick things off with a warm up question. This is worth 0 (zero) points. It's just to get your buzzer hands all loosened up. (clears throat) What have scientists unanimously agreed is the most effective method by which viewers at home can support SciShow?

Hank: Subbable dot com.

Michael: That is correct. You can go to subbable dot com to subscribe today.

Hank: Good. I'm ve- I'm very fast.

Reid: It's an insider. I had it on top.

Hank: I was on - I was underneath. You gotta go low. Gotta go low.

Reid: Low profile.

Michael: Are you guys ready for round number 1 (one)? 

Reid: yes.

Michael: The topic is "Wildlife Biology". This is multiple choice.

Hank: Oh. 

Michael: Worth 100 (one hundred) points. What animal has the largest total brain size? This is gross total, not in proportion to their body size.

Reid: Mm.

Michael: Your choices are: 
A) The Right Whale
B) The Blue Whale
C) The Sperm Whale
or D) The African Elephant

Hank: There's a lot of whales on that list. I was like "It's gonna be a - It's gonna be the whale!" was my thought, and then there were three whales.

Michael: Did you just hit the buzzer without knowing the answer?

Reid: It didn't light up though, so I get to go. I'm gonna go for the sperm whale. 

Michael: Okay. Uh, the answer is sperm whale!

(victory dinging)

Hank: (groans) 

Michael: Reid just won 100 (one hundred) points! Hank, I'm afraid you're down 100 (one hundred). 

Hank: I really feel - I feel like the - I feel like the rules are - are in flux here. 

Michael: Yeah?

Hank: I was just tell - I was just explaining myself --

Reid: You didn't hit it so the light turned on.

Hank: The light didn't turn on it's true. 

Reid: Sorry everyone --

Hank: Okay. So the light has to turn on.

Reid: How else are we gonna do this?

Michael: So even though blue whales are the largest animal on the planet, sperm whales actually have larger brains. The average sperm whale brain weighs 8 (eight) kilograms, while the blue whale, although it's 3 (three) times as massive, has a brain that is only 5 kilograms.

Reid: Aw.

Hank: Wow. How about that! 

Michael: Human brains, if you were wondering, come in at 1.3 (one point three) kilograms.

Reid: Nice.

Hank: Wow. 

Michael: Round number 2 (two).

Hank: Feeling inadequate. Right now.

Reid: I'm fine.

Hank: My tiny brain!

Michael: Round number 2 (two)! Pick their poison. In our second round, to make things more interesting, each contestant will choose the topic that the other has to answer. 

Reid: Ooh.

Michael: Uh, Hank, since you're behind at this point, you get to choose first. Do you want Reid to answer a question about fluids, astronomy or geologic time?

Hank: Let's go with fluids, Michael.

Michael: Fluids. 

Reid: Yeah.

Michael: All right, Reid. (clears throat) 

Reid: Do I have to ring in?

Michael: Uh...

Hank: No.

Reid: It's just for me, right?

Hank: I think it's just for you. But you can hit it if you want. 

Reid: I kinda do.

Michael: I mean the sound effect would be cool.

Reid: I kinda do. 

Michael: Okay, cool.

Reid: Let's do that. 

Michael: What type of fluid mixture best describes milk?

Hank: Oh, crap.

Michael: Is it
A) a solution
B) a suspension
C) a colloid
or D) all of the above

Reid: (hits buzzer) I'm gonna go for all of the above.

Hank: Always go for all of the above.

Reid: I know. That's why I went for it. 

Michael: That is incorrect.

Reid: (groans)

Michael: I'm afraid you are down 200 (two hundred) points.

Hank: Wow. 

Michael: Um, the answer is -- 

Hank: Do I --

Michael: Huh? Hm? Huh?

Hank: Oh, I was gonna ask if it went to me. 

Michael: No.

Hank: Oh, you just --

Michael: You don't get his points. 

Hank: I - what I don't --

Michael: He just loses 200 (two hundred) points right now. 

Hank: But I want to - I don't care about the points, I just want to look smart on my show, Michael. 

Michael: Right, but after --

Reid: So do I! I wanna look smart on your show, too! You're not the only one, Hank! 

Hank: Okay, fine go.

Michael: Anyway --

Hank: Tell them it's a colloid. 

Michael: It's a colloid. All three types of mi -- Oh, what?

Hank: All three types of milk. 

Michael: All -- (laughs) It's a colloid. All three are types of mixtures, but they're each defined by how small the particles in the mixture are. A true solution is a mixture into which one material dissolves into another. 

Reid: Mm.

Michael: The dissolved particles are less than 1 (one) nanometer in size. Saltwater is a good example of this. Milk is a colloid because it's a microscopic dispersion of material into another material. In this case, milk fat and protein molecules in water. Typically a dispersion of particles between 1 (one) and 1,000 (one thousand) nanometers is considered a colloid. 

Reid: Mm. Fascinating. 

Michael: I think we all learned something here today. 

Reid: Mhmm. 

Michael: All right, Reid. Now you get to choose for Hank between astronomy, and geologic time. 

Reid: Uh, astronomy. 

Hank: Okay. 

Michael: Okay. Hank, are you ready?

Hank: Yes. 

Michael: Which of these distances is the longest? 
A) An astronomical unit
B) A light-year
C) A parsec
or D) a trillion kilometers

Hank: Well, I know an astronomical unit is not a - the answer because that the - the length of space between the Earth and the Sun.

Michael: Mhmm.

Hank: It's not a light-year. I don't - a trillion kilometers is a lot. I'm also not sure what a parsec is. But I feel like it's not as much as a light-year. So I'm just gonna go with a light year, and probably be wrong, cause it's probably a trillion kilometers.

Michael: Are you gonna buzz in first?

Hank: A light-year.

Michael: Um.

Hank: Ah! The table turned red! 

Reid: You're wrong! You're wrong, Hank! 

Michael: The answer is a parsec. 

Hank: Oh! Man. What is a parsec?

Reid: I thought that was a Star Wars joke.

Hank: No, it's a real thing.

Reid: I didn't know that.

Hank: Though they use it wrong in Star Wars.

Reid: They actually got somebody -- 

Hank: They use it as a unit of time.

Reid: Okay. All right. 

Hank: He did the Kessel Run in less than 13 (thirteen) parsecs, or whatever. 

Michael: George Lucas made up --

Reid: So the Kessel Run was a time thing and it was actually based on how much distance you could go.

Michael: Well, George Lucas made up some thing about how you fixed it because --

Hank: Yeah about hyper drive and, yep. I've -- uh-huh.

Michael: Um, an astronomical unit is the average distance between the Earth and the Sun, which is 149,597,871 (one hundred forty-nine million five hundred ninety-seven thousand eight hundred seventy-one) kilometers.

Hank: That's a lot.

Michael: Yep. A light year is the distance that light can travel in a vacuum for 1 (one) year. This is about 9.5 (nine point five) trillion kilometers. A parsec is the distance from the Sun at which Earth's orbit would appear to have a maximum width of 1 (one) arc-second. 

Hank: Wow.

Reid: Obviously. I knew that. 

Michael: That would be about 30.8 (thirty point eight) trillion kilometers.

Hank: That's a long way. You're not gonna do anything in less than 12 (twelve) parsecs. 

Michael: It's time for round number 3 (three). Double or nothing. 

Reid: Ooh.

Michael: Each contestant will choose how many points they wish to wager. If they answer this question correctly, they will earn that many points. 

Reid: Mhmm.

Michael: If they're wrong, they will lose that many. Uh, Hank is sitting at 700 (seven hundred) points. 

Hank: I'm ashamed. 

Michael: Reid is sitting more comfortably at 900 (nine hundred) points.

Reid: I'm awesome. 

Michael: The topic of this question is plant biology. So you guys just think about how much you wanna wager. And we'll be right back after this commercial break. ... And we're back. Our contestants have written down their wagers on these SciShow cards, and now the question: Which of the following is a stage of photosynthesis? Is it
A) The Citric Acid Cycle
B) Hydrolysis
C) The Krebs Cycle
or D) The Calvin Cycle
Place your answers. 

Reid: (sighs)

(Hank and Reid writing)

(all laugh)

Hank: Different answers. Mine was shorter. 

Michael: Okay. Is everybody ready? 

Reid: Mhmm. 

Michael: Reveal your answers! 

Hank: Hydrolysis. 

Michael: I mean I --

Reid: I went for the Krebs Cycle.

Hank: Did you put a spelling question mark?

Reid: I don't know how to spell it though. So --

Michael: Do we need to reveal it to the camera?

Reid: I wrote it like a serial killer and --

Hank: Yeah, sorry. 

Reid: I don't know how to spell that. 

Hank: You wagered 850 (eight hundred and fifty), I wagered 700 (seven hundred) ...

Michael: So you wagered everything?

Hank: million!

Michael: You didn't have that many. Um, and you left yourself 50 (fifty) points if you were to get that wrong. 

Reid: Yeah. Yeah, I did. 

Michael: Okay, the answer is the Calvin Cycle. 

Hank: This is a weird - that's a weird question. I found that question weird. 

Michael: All right, so --

(all laugh)

Michael: Um, the other three are all phases in the process of respiration --

Hank: Oh.

Michael: where food is metabolized to release energy. By contrast, photosynthesis is the process of turning solar energy into food. The Calvin Cycle is the part of photosynthesis that can take place in the absence of light, where carbon dioxide is converted into sugar. 

Reid: Oh. Better question, how do you spell Krebs?

Hank: Uh, you actually got that right.

Michael: You spelled it correctly.

Reid: Really?

Hank: Yeah. 

Reid: I'm awesome. 

Michael: So, I think that ends our competition today. Hank has 0 (zero) points --

Reid: No, he has negative 6 (six) million, nine-hundred and ninety... it's -it's bad. 

Hank: Yeah.

Reid: It's bad.  

Michael: You - you won with 50 (fifty) points.

Reid: Yeah! Baseline!

(all laugh) 

Michael: Congratulations to Reid and to our Subbable subscriber, Keith Chiem, who is taking home one of those things that Stefan had on his body. 

Reid: Mm.

Michael: Thanks for joining us here on this inaugural episode of SciShow Quiz Show. If you'd like to keep getting smarter with us, you can go to youtube dot com slash SciShow (youtube.com/scishow) and subscribe. 

==Outro Music==