H: Oh, Katherine, look.  Look at the toilet.  

K: Ohhhh, Hank.  Look at the toilet. 

H: Look at the toi--look at the sink.  What is this?  What year is this from?

K: That's the '80s, man.  '90s.  

H: Yeah.

K: Late '80s, early '90s.  This'll do.

H: Why did they just make the whole bathroom countertop?  

K: It's good for the murders.

H: It's easy to clean up the murders.

K: You're gonna bring your--

H: Oh, so shiny.

K: --fellow sanitation workers there.  

H: So shiny--

K: --and uh, you know.

H: Is this a giraffe?

K: --accidentally--

H: It is.

K: --have to murder them.

H: Look at the dopey giraffe.  

K: I hate it because it looks like it's full of holes.

H: It's got the--(?~0:47) giraffe.

K: I hate it.  

H: That is a fucking sectional right there, holy bajungo.

K: Jesus, and look at those, like, wooden--

H: Slats, Venetian blinds.

K: Wooden blinds, like, wood-colored blinds.

H: I think that they probably made these.  

K: Beautiful.

H: Do you think that there's, they were being crafty and they made these hangy things on the windows?

K: I can't tell what they are.

H: They're just decorative.

K: Just swags?

H: And they've got--they've just put a tapestry here.

K: A tapestry just hanging there.  You wouldn't want the--

H: Like it's some medieval castle.

K: Yeah, see what color the sky actually is. 

H: Yeah, that's (?~1:30) the--yeah.  They're faking the sky color, and there's some more fake sky for you.

K: I'm like--I'm telling you.  It's ridiculous.

H: I hate the (?~1:40), it looks so bad, and that makes this room look tiny, but maybe just like, all the stuff that they put in the room makes it look tiny.

K: That's a lot of stuff.  Look how full it is.  Hoo, the furniture is heavy.

H: It's heavy.  

K: It's a heavy furniture.

H: It's heavy.  It's heavy.  We made too much furniture.  

K: Gosh.

H: So I guess this must be a guest room, because this guy on this side doesn't even get a nightstand.  

K: Yeah, it's like our guest bedroom.  

H: Whaaat's the sink doing?  

K: Oh.

H: It's just a bunch of rock shellacked together.  

K: Yuck.

H: River rock.  Oh, and--

K: That's gross.

H: Oh no.  

K: Grossing me out on like another reason.

H: Yeah, it looks like a bunch of roaches.  It's like clams.  Yeah, no, it's--I guess this, maybe this was very nice at one point.  This was like, this was the peak--

K: Yeah, well, I can't imagine like, that you would have spent all that money doing something that you didn't like.  

H: Look, there's a harp.

K: Look, there's a television?

H: That is a television with a bird on it.

K: With a bird on it?

H: Some kind of heron.  

K: That's the best part of the room right there.  

H: (?~2:48)

K: The television with the--

H: Look at these paneled--

K: Yeah.

H: --paintings up there.  

K: Aw man.

H: Raahh.  

K: Oh, jesus.  

H: Wait, where are we now?  We've gone through the--we--okay, so we're still in a public area.

K: I have no idea, Hank, I can't--the public area?  

H: Well, the sort of like--

K: The grand central station.

H: The living--living area.  

K: Oh my God.

H: Jesus.  

K: Oh my God.  Are those real or fake plants, do you think?

H: I don't know.  

K: Can't tell.  

H: I think they're fake.  

K: I just don't have confidence that these people could keep plants alive.  

H: Right, I don't have confidence that they would have the money to pay someone to keep them alive, either.  Which, I know that like, you'd think with a house like this, but no.  This is upsetting.

K: When people are going bankrupt immediately.  

H: Well, I'm thinking--

K: This is upsetting.

H: I'm getting an old lady vibe.

K: Oof.  Yeah.  

H: But I don't know.

K: Yeah.  Yeah, I mean, I don't see that like, a normal grown-up does this to their home.

H: Maximalist.  Oh my God.  This is the weirdest--

K: It just keeps happening.

H: --episode of Hoarders.

K: The floor is very clean.

H: How is that bird still in the exact same position on the TV?

K: They just paused it.

H: It's paused.

K: Or they um--

H: Where do you sit and watch the TV from?

K: Or they--

H: All the way over there in this chair?

K: It's not that far away, Hank.

H: Ohh, maybe.  Oh no.  

K: These realtors are not doing their client any favors.  

H: Okay, no, Katherine--

K: It's like they don't wanna sell this house.

H: They photoshopped the bird on.

K: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

H: They photoshopped the bird on?

K: Is this where they really watch the TV?  In the dining room?

H: In the dining room with the largest dining room chairs that have existed?  The most--the chairs--these chairs look like, like a species of alien.  

K: They're like--

H: They're like visitors from another planet.

K: They're the bumpiest man.

H: They have 800 eyes in every one of those little holes.

K: (?~5:08)  I mean, that's like, that's like peak New Jersey chair.  That chair has spent too much time at the shore.  

H: I don't know how to--yeah, I don't know how to--I've never sat in something like that.  Maybe it's nice.  Look at all the electronics back there.  

K: You didn't like my joke?

H: Peak New Jersey?  Oh, 'cause it's so tan?

K: Tan and bumpy!  

H: It has too much bronzer on it and it's bumpy.  I didn't get your joke.  That's a good joke.  I thought you meant that that's just what people on the Jersey shore would buy.  

K: No, it's what it looks like.

H: It's what they look like.

K: That chair was literally on the shore.  

H: It's been on the shore too long.

K: Got too much tan.

H: That's good.  

K: (?~5:49) you didn't get.

H: It's so much dusting.  Can you imagine how much you have to dust?

K: Yeah, everything.  Everything.

H: Why would you put all that stuff there?

K: Every one of those little crevices.

H: Oh my God.

K: You gotta polish every single one of them crevices.

H: Somebody took credit for this.  @2020 Monmouth Ocean Regional Realtors.  They're proud of their work.  Oh my God, this fucking bird on the TV.  Look at all these cabinets!  What do you keep in there?

K: Christmas decorations?

H: They're all the Christmas decorations.  

K: That's where all the Easter decorations are right now.  

H: More cabinets, though, and an island where you can sit.  

K: That's the kitchen.  

H: Yeah, which is connected to this dining room.  

K: Alright.

H: But it looks--it makes it look small.  

K: Yeah.  

H: Alright, we're still going.  Um, yeah, these countertops, I don't know.  I don't know.  Oh my God.  From that, from that overhang.  

K: Oof.  It just keeps getting weirder.

H: Well, and how do you dust up here??  And there's a big chandelier, I didn't notice that before.

K: Oh my God, look at the chandelier.  Yeah, and if those are fake plants, those collect dust (?~7:03)

H: Oh yeah, like crazy.  Well, they're definitely fake plants 'cause you can't--like, you'd have to fucking rappel to get to them.  You need a--an experienced adventure sport athlete to come water your plants.  Is that what they call them?  Oh, look at those floors.

K: Your p-pants?

H: No, your plants.  Adventure sport athletes.

K: Oh, right.  Yeah.  Adventure sport athletes.  (?~7:29)'s aquatic adventure.

H: Oh man, they really shined that floor up.  Alright, I need a higher def--okay.  This is the master?  How long does this scroll for?

K: Is this the master?

H: Oh my God!  

K: Wow, they really went for it.

H: You could--don't fall down.  

K: Look at the black--

H: It's so hard.

K: Look at the black tub and shower.  

H: Yeah.  Black.

K: Look at the very black tub and shower and are those--mm, I don't trust that those windows are outside.  

H: Katherine thinks all windows are fake.

K: That's not what it looks like out there.  

H: I think it just looks weird 'cause of the HDR.

K: It's possible.  

H: Bullshit.  Wow.  I am so uncomfortable.  Like, this feels like just a very uncomfortable place to be.  Everything seems very hard.  Look at that fucking wardrobe.  That's gonna take you straight to Narnia.  

K: That's the Narnia wardrobe.  It's Christmas up here, too, though, look.  

H: Is it?

K: Yeah, they got like, another nativity up there.

H: With a train?  There's a train?

K: Train to Jesus.  That's how the wise men got there.  

H: Yeah, on a train.  

K: (?~8:44)

H: I mean, you just keep getting, as you get older, you keep getting more paintings and you're like, I guess we'll squeeze that one in.

K: We'll just cram 'em in, corner to corner.  I couldn't decide which one of these paintings of random--

H: A random plant.

K: --plant I wanted to keep.

H: Yeah.  

K: Um.  Jesus, seriously, like, every single one of those like, framed paintings.  Ahh, just cram it in.  Nothing on the wall there.  No--(?~9:17)

H: Right here.

K: Well, actually, that's some, uh, wallpaper.  

H: Yeah.  

K: A bear?

H: Yeah, there's a little bear and there's a little doll in there.  I don't know why.  Oh, we're back, we're back!  I don't want to be back!  Oh, the pink.  

K: Oh my God, the sink are pink.  Pink sink, pink sink, pink sink.

H: Pink sink, pink sink, pink sink.

K: Pink sink, blacktub.  

H: That's a lotta bedrooms.  Oh, good, it's good to have one of those clocks that tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick all night long.

K: Booonnnnnggg.  Right next to your bed.  Yeah, and it goes bonnnnggg every 15 minutes.

H: It's got a bong, uh-huh.

K: Every 15 minutes.

H: These are definitely grandkid pics.  These are definitely grandkid pics.  

K: Can you imagine?

H: Oh, God.  

K: Maybe that explains the Christmas decorating.  Like, I'm gonna make this a fucking magical winter wonderland.

H: Um.  Katherine?  

K: --for the grandkid---ohhhh!  

H: You'd think that I might have gone to a different Zillow listing, but no, it's the same one.  (?~10:20)

K: What the fuck?  Okay, we like some Disney stuff.  

H: Uh-huh, it's for the grandkids.

K: There's some--what are we watching up here?

H: It's some Jersey shore dude.  It looks like a Jersey shore dude.  

K: Who knows?  It looks like a dentist.  

H: A dentist DJ.  

K: Yeah.

H: It looks like a dentist?

K: I don't know.  He's wearing a weird coat.  

H: He's--is that a--wait, maybe that is a dentist.  I thought this was like a microphone, but maybe it's a--yeah.

K: No, it looks like, it looks like, but it does look like he's wearing  headphones.  And who's this?!

H: Is that weird?

K: Who's this?  That's not Christmas!  It's not Christmas down here, Hank.  Yeah, like, who's working out down here?  Every--everyone.  The whole family.

H: They got a bench press.

K: Yeah.

H: They got--

K: Right?  What are all these pictures back here?

H: What are all those back there?  It looks like a thrift store.

K: That's definitely like, family photographs.  

H: That we couldn't keep upstairs.

K: Golfing.  

H: Golfing.

K: Who knows?  Oh my God.  It is--this is the most--the most--

H: Wow, that was a plot twist, man.

K: This is the most most I've ever seen.  It's the most-est.

H: Yeah.  Exercise bike.  That's a lot of--that's a lot of workout equipment.  And OH MY GOD!  You thought you saw golf stuff before, Katherine Green.

K: I knew there was a golf thing happening.

H: Holy shit.  Wow.  I don't know anything about golf, but this seems like too much.  

K: I mean, you gotta have clubs for every single person.  Okay, so there's pink and blue shoes, so.

H: There's a whole rack of the same shoes.  And then there's a lot more shoes, too.  Yeah, you gotta have a different shoe depending on the kind of course you're gonna play.

K: What the fuck.  

H: Wow.  That's a lotta golf bags.

K: What do the simple folk do?

H: Katheriiiiiiine.  There's another plot twist.  It's this fucking hall of love.  

K: --picture on there.

H: But there's still Christmas decoration, even here.  

K: Yeah.

H: This must just be a year-round thing!

K: This is their fucking like, what happened?  Did these people die?  Why are they moving from their, like, absolute--

H: Right?

K: 100% the last place they're gonna live home?  

H: Well, I mean, people do die, Katherine.

K: I know.  Sauna.

H: Sauna.  A bed.  

K: Wow.

H: Lots of suits for him.  This is just the him closet.

K: Oh my God.  What.

H: What the fuck is that?  That's the--

K: That's the sauna in the middle of their--

H: --the sauna in the middle of that giant basement room.

K: Okay, sure, you just put a--slap a portable sauna down in the--

H; Yeah, there was plenty of space for it.

K: Down in the gym.

H: Here's where your hot water heaters are.

K: I'm really glad that they painted all the walls of the basement blood red.  It's like fucking creepy and all.

H: Oh, God, thank God, I think that we're approaching the end.  

K: It just keeps going.  We haven't really seen the outside yet.

H: Well, a little bit.  Is there more fucking--oh, is that Jesus?  Yep!  It's another nativity!  

K: This is a wild ride, Hank.  I feel like I have been on a trip.  Feel like I went somewhere.

H: Yeah.  Oof.  

K: I didn't wanna go here.

H: I know.  I brought you.

K: But.

H: This was my decision.

K: But you know, sometimes you gotta--

H: What happens, happens.

K: I like that--I like that you can like, walk into the pool.

H: Yeah, that's cool.  You can even like, take a chair in there.

K: That's the coolest part of the whole place.

H: Yeah.  

K: Is that pool.  

H: Three car garage.

K: Of course.  What's this here?  

H: Is this the ga-zeh-boh.  And there's a whole dining room, like, outdoor dining room and then a second outdoor dining room.

K: This is just--with 12 seats at it, so.

H: I mean, maybe like, you had six kids and your six kids had six kids and this is what you decided to do.

K: Yeah.  Totally.

H: So that you could still have--'cause if you have six kids and your six kids have six kids.

K: Oh yeah, you need--you need that place for everyone to come.

H: Yeah.

K: On Christmas.  Well.  

H: Christmas.  

K: It's too bad they decorated for Christmas and then died.  

H: Well, they can't have anybody over this year!  

K: Oh, they probably--

H: You never know.

K: Would've--

H: Okay, we did it.  We have looped around.  And there's our friends.  

K: Oh my God.  

H: Our friends the--are you joking??  

K: (?~14:58)

H: It will never get old.  

K: What?

H: Just this.  This whole situation.  Angels.  This appears to be one of the  saints.   $2 million.  

K: No thanks.  

H: Merry Christmas.  Why didn't they clean it out a little bit before--I'm so confused.

K: Right?  Like, that is like, the opposite of what--how you ever want to stage a house.

H: Yeah.  

K: I mean, they're getting lots of--

H: Traffic.

K: --views on this listing.  

H: This toilet makes me think of a kind of candy.  

K: Yeah.

H: What is that kind of candy?  It's very chewy.  Just like saltwater taffy, I guess.

K: It looks like a Sweet Tart kind of. 

H: Yeah.  It's like, yeah, I could totally imagine myself putting that in my mouth and it being a fruity flavor.  Anyway, okay, thanks, everybody.  Thanks for joining me on this journey, Katherine.