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In which Hank just vlogs...using the "that makes me think of" style pioneered, of course, by Ze Frank ( and then he talks from a chair lift about being afraid to be on a chair lift, and then thinks about paths.

The Season 5 Recap of the Guild won't be live until MONDAY!

Episode 50 of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries!


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A Bunny
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Hank: Good morning, John. Last week, Katherine and I celebrated our 6th anniversary by trying to get out of the smoke and heading into Northern Montana. We designed D&D characters, we went into Glacier National Park, we watched a VH1 special 'The Top 100 Hits of the 90s' which kind of made me disappointed in my generation. We had a nice dinner out on the deck of our hotel room, unfortunately, there was a deck above us, so we were on a deck and there was a deck above us and we could hear everything they were saying so we knew that they could hear everything we were saying, and it was a little awkward until one of the people up there spilt their beer and it poured through the slats onto us and our dinner and then it was a lot awkward. I couldn't, like, correctly handle this situation, like, I've spilt billions of drinks in my life, and so have we all, I'm not a very careful person and I probably wouldn't have been any more careful than that guy up there. So there's kind of no one to be mad at, but that doesn't make you feel any less mad about having some strange beer poured all over your carefully cooked kielbasa. And that made me think of deer, because I almost hit a deer on the way to Whitefish. A cute one, like, little with spots. And the reason I didn't hit the deer, the one reason, is because I did not leave the gas station two seconds earlier. If I had, I would have run right into the deer, because I wouldn't have had time to stop, that's the only reason. And that made me think of how, like, every time we drive over 30 miles per hour anyway, we're basically in an alternative universe somewhere killing squirrels and deer and dogs and cats and terrible things that would make us feel terrible, but we don't feel bad about getting in a car and driving unless it's one of those times when we hit the deer. I didn't do anything different than the guy who did hit the deer that day. We are the same. But he has to feel bad about it and I don't. That's not fair. And that made me think of how we punish murderers more than we punish attempted murderers. You're rewarding them for being bad at the thing they wanted to do! At that point, it's just a roll of the D20 to see if they get a critical hit. But just because they happened to roll a one, they don't have to go to jail. And that makes me think of a bunch of other ways that our justice systems is screwed up, and that makes me want to think about something else. Like how later in that same weekend, after we got the beer off, Katherine and I took a chairlift up to the top of Big Mountain and it was kind of scary. Hank: Why are you squeaking, Katherine? Katherine: 'cause you're making it point that way. Hank: You don't want to see what's back there? Katherine: Oh, you're holding the camera out. Hank: No, I'm not going to drop the camera. Katherine: Shut up. Hank: We're on a chairlift, going to the top of, what's it called? Katherine: Big Mountain. Hank: It's called Big Mountain. It's a big mountain. I've been playing a lot of Minecraft, it kind of makes me want to get a pick-axe out, see if I can find some ore. We are a little bit afraid of heights, Katherine and I. Maybe Katherine a tiny bit more than me. We once went on a ferris wheel in Missoula and, we were like, this is going to be a great idea, you know, Montana-sized ferris wheel, not the Eye of London or whatever, what's that called? Katherine: The London Eye? Hank: The London Eye. Not the EYE OF LONDON. We got like, a third of the way up it and it was like, this is (whimpers). Ohh, oh, it is scary, I hadn't even looked that way yet, that was the first time I did that, that was, that was, that was scary. There's a lot of nothing back there. Hank (voice over): As we walked the four mile path from the top of Big Mountain back to the chairlift, I kept thinking about paths, which made sense, because I was walking on a path. About how man-made constructions can actually make nature more beautiful as long as they're informed by the nature that they're a part of. About how the edge between habitats can often be the most productive areas of an ecosystem. About how a path is a communal creation, created by thousands of footsteps of men and women and animals. And how a path indicates both a journey and a destination and how those things are always better when you have someone that you love to share them with. Hank: John, I have chosen a punishment as well, though I have had to make it gluten-free in order to accommodate my terrible excuse for a colon. In other news, The Lizzie Bennett Diaries just hit its 50th episode! Thank you all for helping that project survive and thrive, it's really great to see people enjoying it. And in my season five recap of The Guild, which will be going live on GeekandSundry, I talk faster than I have ever talked before, so that's...something to see. Links in the dooblydoo. John, thank you for being awesome, and I will see you on Tuesday.