Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank, it's me John Green playing FIFA. Of course today we are Swindon Town, the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers. Uh we're playing Southampton, former Premier League side now down in League 1. I think they're up to the Championship now but this game is a little bit behind. So, we are Swindon Town, we've got John Green and John Green up top, Other John Green and Bald John Green. We've got D. Lucas in goal. Some people are writing some great chants about both Other John Green and D. Lucas. We'll see if I can remember them.

Today I'm going to tell you stories about when I was in high school. I went to a boarding school in Alabama, and I'm going to tell you a boarding school story, it was requested by several people. So thank you for your requests, please keep them coming that is how I decide what to talk about in these videos. Uh so, upvote the request that you like, and make your own request and that's how I'll decide what to talk about. So today, I'm going to talk about my boarding school life. So I went to a boarding school for my sophomore, junior and senior years of high school, I went to Indian Springs school in Alabama. Goal! Bald John Green you gotta finish! Oh, that's devastating. Um, and it was a really special school, I mean my whole life, really in some ways, was determined by that decision to go to Indian Springs. I really loved it there, and um, you know I had great friends. But mostly I want to tell you today about my, uh, not about like, all of my romantic trials and tribulations which were many, or my many ex-girlfriends, who now have to live with heavy metal band members' pseudonyms. But I want to tell you-

Oh gosh, oh gosh, Fat Lucas you may be necessary- nope!

I want to tell you about a prank that we pulled when I was in high school. Not the famous senior prank that you may have heard about involving a stripper, but instead another prank that we pulled involving fireworks. So, um, I don't know if fireworks are legal in Alabama, but they're definitely legal in Georgia.

Other John Green! Hero of the day! We're up 1-nil on Southampton thanks to Other John Green, who's now hugging Bald John Green. John Greens love to hug each other. And uh, that's just- that's just a great goal. He showed strength, he showed power. Um, it reminds me of the chant:
"He's big, he's tough,
he has a brilliant puff,
Other John Green,
Other John Green"

Great job Other John Green you got songs about you too. You may be the second most important John Green on this team, but we still love you.

Um, so what we did is we acquired a bunch of fireworks. We had this idea that we were going to light a bunch of fireworks all around the campus at the exact same moment so it would appear that the campus was blowing up. I should note that this was in a pre-9/11 world but even so, it was a pretty bad idea, because you know. People hear like, you know, hundreds and thousands of explosions in a matter of seconds and they get nervous. But none of that had occurred to us at the time. We were 16, and we thought this was hilarious. So-

That's just- Bald John Green's just toying with you.

Um, so what we did- so we basically synchronized our watches, there were about ten of us involved. This was in the days before cell phones. And um, we uh, we had several hundred dollars in fireworks that had been purchased by one of the wealthier members of my group of friends, I won't name any names, uh, but today, he is a very wealthy-

Oh! Other John Green! Inspired by the chant now has two goals. Will he get his hat trick? Only time will tell. His name says J. Bennet but we know him as Other John Green.

Alright, so uh, yeah, so we had all these fireworks... and um. I mean that guy is now like incredibly- I think he might be a billionaire. Um, and he has you know like 5 kids and, anyway but back in the day, he was someone who you know, bought the fireworks because his family had a bit of money. So, uh... Yeah. We loaded up the fireworks all over campus and we waited until exactly midnight and right at exactly midnight-

That was not the best shot I've ever seen out of Other John Green.

And right at exactly midnight we exploded all these fireworks. That was, I mean literally thousands of them and pretty much- a lot of the teachers lived on campus and so what we did was we made sure that the fireworks were underneath the bedroom windows of pretty much every single teacher on campus. So we all lit the fuse, and then we all ran away. Um, however, we did not anticipate the size of the response from the teachers. So what happened was that immediately, the teachers were like, there may have been a sh- who knows what happened it may have been a shooting, it may have been a bomb, it may have been fireworks, we don't know. And like all of the teachers were out, like, immediately out of their houses. I had never seen- I had never seen adults move so quickly. Like I'll never forget the image of my Latin teacher like running out of his house in his underwear like literally leaping over roman candles, running toward a shadow, and that shadow was me. And I just remember the like, just the intense-

Oh how- Bald John Green! Finish! Fin-! Aww.

I just remember the intense, intense panic of seeing a man, a grown man, in his underwear, obviously very angry, running at me. Um, fortunately, you know, I did smoke cigarettes in those days but I was young.

Bald John Green really needed to not take a second touch there. However, we are going into the second half up 2-nil on Southampton. I should mention by the way that the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers are now down 12 points in League 1, largely because we've been unable to play our league games because we've been busy getting to the finals of the FA Cup where we will shortly play Manchester United. That's pretty insane, the little Swoodilypoopers up against the great Manchester United.

But um... Oh no, that was, that was ooh... alright. Stay calm, stay calm, alright. 

Um, so anyway, what I did was I- my best friend Tod and I ended up on the roof of the dorms. We were up there because we felt like if we went back into our rooms they would see the doors open, they would see the door open to our room and we would get caught. So - we were also, I should mention, this is very important, we were all wearing black face paint. So we're up there, you know, Tod and I are up there wearing, like, all black clothing and black face paint and my Latin teacher, who terrified me, he was... It was like he could smell us. He kept looking in the direction where we were and, like, he was so close to me that I remember closing my eyes because I was worried that he's see the whites of my eyes and that would give me away. I mean, the teachers were getting themselves into an absolute fury. I mean I guess it makes sense. Now that I have my own kid, if someone, if some horrible, scummy little teenager set off firecrackers underneath my bedroom window at midnight and woke up my one and a half year old child, I would be incensed and I would literally have them arrested, you know. I would have them, and I would press charges and I would try to get them to go to prison. So in retrospect, I'm much more sympathetic to the position of my teachers than I was at the time, of course. But yeah. So...

Come on, come on. Get it, get it. That's just, that's good passing. That's just Swindon Town passing. That's just how the Swoodilypoopers do it and then we score with Bald John Green! Again John Green and John Green locked in an embrace. They kinda like put their knees between each other so they can get real close. That seems unnecessary but you know, I like it. I like it. Alright.

So, um, eventually the teachers turned around long enough for us to get off of the roof and get into our rooms. We got into our rooms and I was feeling pretty good actually by...

Fat Lucas, you're gonna be necessary. Oh, Fat Lucas, I love you.

I was feeling pretty good. I wasn't able to sleep because I was still just so nervous and excited about everything but I was feeling like, you know, we were definitely gonna get away with it, you know, at least until next day. And then, uh, then that same Latin teacher, he didn't knock on our door, he just opened it, you know. He had a pass key so he had keys to all the rooms and he didn't really say anything. He just turned on the lights and he said "I know it was you". I said "I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

That was someone other than John Green or John Green just scored a goal. That is almost unprecedented in the history of Swindon Town. I'd like to congratulate L. Williamson on being one of our only non-John Green goal scorers of the season. I don't know what L. Williamson's first name is but in comments I am hoping that you guys will make a hilarious suggestion because I have every intention of him becoming a hero to our squad. The only other regular goal scorer, of course, is Stone Cold Cteve Austin with a C. Um, so... Oh that was a wrong button. Sorry guys.

So he opens the door and he says "I know it was you" and my roommate says "I don't know what you're talking about, sir. Did something happen tonight? I heard a disturbance earlier but we've been asleep and" etc, etc. And then the Latin teacher says "Tod, if it wasn't you, how come you're wearing black face paint?" And Tod and I are both like "Oh right, we should have taken off the black face paint!" Oh teenagers! Um, yeah. So we were foiled by our own stupidity. By the way, that's a detail that I used in my novel Paper Towns. I have...

That was L. Williamson again trying to get his second goal.

I have Margo Roth Spiegelman's - right at the beginning of the book Margo Roth Spiegelman's dad, she's wearing black face paint and that's one of the ways that he catches her trying to sneak out of the house. So, yeah. That's yet another example of how it can be good for you to do silly things when you're in high school. Although I have to say, I'm not kidding when I tell you that if any of you ever come to my house with firecrackers or even in fact ever come to my house there will be legal repercussions. I am not so kind as my Latin teacher who merely suspended me for what I did to him. But yeah. I was in quite a bit of trouble for that, as was everyone involved. But I had to... At our school we had something called 'work hours' which was that when you got punished...

Bald John Green! Wow. 5-nil for the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers. We may be approaching the point where I'm going to have to level up again and no longer be semi-pro but fully pro. I just wanna, Bald John Green, look at that. He just, he turns, he shoots, he scores, then he smiles with his moustache. So, uh, 5-nil for Swindon Town. A pretty impressive result by anyone's measure, I think. And now the game is over.

So I had to do a lot of work hours. I had to work in the cafeteria cooking food, cleaning dishes for a long time. And was it worth it? No. In a word, it was not. However, that's the story from boarding school.

Thank you again for coming and watching these Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers dominate their competition in Southampton. Congratulations to John Green, John Green and also to L. Williamson. Thanks for watching and I will see you next time. No I won't. I don't no how the outro goes. Best wishes.