Guy: Good morning, Hank!

Hank, those warm wishes come from Uncle Grambo of Whatevs.org. He and I were out quite late last night at Lindsey Robertson's birthday party. In an unrelated story, I don't feel very well. Thanks for doing such a great job with the Peeps punishment, I look forward to its completion tomorrow; and I'm pleased that the Brotherhood 2.0 Foundation for Decreasing Suck Levels Worldwide is off to a roaring start thanks to your complete inability to eat Peeps quickly.

(John's rubbing his hands across his face) Phew. Hank, you may be wondering why today's video is a little late. It's because I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and I've had a very busy day. First, I spent three hours at the eye doctor. It was like this (a clip of a bored John) only it lasted much, much longer. Then they dilated my eyes so I couldn't see anything. (clip of John wiping his cheeks) Then, in a dimly lit room, my doctor told me I probably had nothing to worry about. (clip of John in dimly lit room)

I probably have nothing to worry about? If I probably have nothing to worry about, then I DEFINITELY have something to worry about. Don't tell me I probably have nothing to worry about; that's not helpful, tell me, "You're fine! Congratulations, good work on those eyes, kid." Then on the way home I talked on the phone to you during a terrible traffic jam (John in taxi, on phone) "Well, I- I mean, I noted, certainly, that you didn't competitively eat the Peeps."

Then I left my cell phone in his car. But because he's the world's nicest cab driver, he drove to my house and gave it to me. So everything worked out fine! I probably have nothing to worry about, and I lost my cell phone but then I got it back! I shouldn't be worried, I should be happy, so why am I worried? There's just this big bundle of stress that I can never get rid of.

I blame dad. I mean, if dad hadn't had cancer when he was my age, I probably wouldn't worry about having cancer. By the way, did you know you can get eyeball cancer? Very rare. You probably won't get it. BUT YOU MIGHT!

Then there's the big worry in my life that isn't even my worry; which is that the Yeti is working on her Master's thesis and it's extremely hard and extremely stressful and it just sort of like occupies your whole life. I've never seen someone work so hard on something. This morning, I woke up and Sarah had written herself a to-do list on a post-it, I want to read you that to do list:

-See picture of Dorian Gray at Butler Library.
-Pay bills.
-Call in to question the ideology of class

Call in to question the ideology of class? That sounds hard! I wish I could say I was stressed out because I was calling into question the ideology of class. I'm just stressed out because I have to do laundry. And, I might have eyeball cancer. I'll see you tomorrow.