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In which Hank attempts to give away peeps to a lot of people, and then gets totally schooled in speed-eating by a punk rocker.


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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning, John, it's Thursday, March 8th. I'm walking downtown to try and find some people to give Peeps to. There are technically a lot of people around but they're all in cars. I'm having a hard time getting them to notice me. Free peeps! Free, free Peeps, free, no? They're not stopping. It's kinda snowing and cold. I kind of hate you a lot. There's starting to be a lot more people around. This is the kinda town I live in. My general opinion is that it's going to be quite difficult to get rid of these Peeps. There are a lot less people downtown then I thought there would be. I usually only go downtown at night so I kinda assumed that there would just be a bunch of college students who are kinda mostly drunk. But it's not drunk college students, it's business people and soccer-moms on errands. They don't look like they want Peeps. Also, I don't know how I'm going to film them because people usually aren't okay with that kind of thing. I think I'm gonna have to hide the camera. This looks like a pretty good place to hide a camera. Want one? Free Peeps? Guy: You can't give those things away?

Hank: it's very difficult. You might wanna take some peeps home? They're free. Hi, do you like peeps? I don't mean to be creepy. She ran away from me. OK, I just got a bunch. (sings) All I am saying, is give peeps a chance. This isn't working.

Okay, this looks promising, there's a bunch of punk-rockers down the street. But it's gonna be hard to record them. So I'm just going to turn the camera on and leave it in my pocket, you can hear what happens.

Hank: Hey guys. I've got a ridiculous number of peeps.

Kurt: I would love some peeps.

Hank: I mean, I have like a hundred of them.

Kurt: Oh Damn, we'll competitively eat amongst ourselves.

Hank: I've been trying to give them away all day and people were like "How dare you trying to give me peeps!"

Kurt: Oh well -- Nice.

Hank: You don't have to take all of them but I would appreciate if you did.

Kurt: Well we are going to. We're definitely going to.

Hank: I'm Hank by the way.

Kurt: I'm Kurt.

Hank: Hey Kurt,

Bret: I'm Bret, nice to meet you.

Machine gun: Machine gun.

Hank: Hey, Machine gun.

Hank: That's uhh.. twelve Peeps in your hand right now.

Kurt: Yep, twelve peeps.

Machine gun: What's going on.

Hank: I do not want you to choke yourself.

Machine gun: No, did you know he does this for a living. He's a freak show. Just watch, just watch. Focus.

Hank: Seriously, people die eating peeps all the time. -- I should be timing you.

Kurt: One more, man! Just put it in there.

Hank: Amazing how much your dog doesn't care about peeps. -- How're you feeling?

Kurt: That's a lot of peeps. I feel like I have the staypuff-marshmallow man, like, fighting the Ghostbusters in my stomach. Thank you.

Hank: See you guys, Thank you very much.

Kurt: Yes, definitely.

Hank: Those guys were probably the most worthy recipients of Peeps I have ever seen.

So I went back and timed him. And it took him 1 and a half min to do what it took me 6 min to do. However, I actually felt really, really nauseous at the end. And I hope Kurt is okay because that was a lot of peeps really fast. Anyway, I have to keep this under 4 minutes, so I'll see you tomorrow.