Next: Happy Esther Day



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Last sync:2023-03-04 17:15

H: Hey.  Welcome.  We're gonna play a game.  This is weird, we've never done this before.  

M: Played a game?

B: I've played one before.

H: Brave of you to admit.  We're launching a new Kickstarter for a new game, I'm excited about it, and I've invited three of my friends here.  I invited a loud friend, this is Brit, she's my loud friend and I--

B: And I'm okay with that.

H: Yeah, and I invited my middle loudness friend, Michael, and then we have our quiet friend, Ceri.  The idea is that I read you a phrase.  There's two on each card, so I will say where's the, and then you pick up the B, it says beef, but you have to say a word that is not beef that starts with 'B'.

B: Bouillanaise.

H: Which is a kind of beef sauce.  And the idea is to get let your guard down and just to let whatever word come out of your mouth and sometimes it's nothing and nobody's gonna hold that against you, and you win if the judge, who is the person who held up the card, thinks your answer is the best answer which can be judged in any way you want to judge it.  So it's a dumb, fast, quick, easy game that we've put together.  We're gonna start.  Have you looked at the card?

C: No.  

H: Okay.  Why are there so many songs about--

B: Rats.


C: Racecars.

H: ROLF!  We had rats and racecars.  That's all good, all good.  Wow, there's so many songs about racecars.  You know, I was singing 'Rainbow Connection' to my child recently and I was thinking to myself, you know, I can only really name two songs about rainbows and one of them is this one.

B: What about Reading Rainbow?  Does a theme song count?

H: That song is more about Reading Rainbow, the television show.  

B: M.  Mm.  

H: Gandalf.

C: Gyrate.

M: Geriatric.  

H: Gyrate?!  

B: I'm seeing this combo now of a geriatric Gandalf gyrating, which isn't where I saw it, but Gandalf gets it.  Mm mm, Gandalf.

M: Blood, sweat, and....

H: Tacos.

B: Tyrannosaurus Rex.

M: I'll take tacos, tacos is good, yeah.

B: The Backstreet...

H: Banshee!

M&C: Banjo.

H: What?!  

(All laugh)

H: I like the idea of the Backstreet Banjo just being like, an alleyway banjo that people can play, but it's like locked up--

B: It's a like a crowd-sourced kind of a co-op kind of banjo, right?

H: Yeah, a co-op banjo.

C: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the...

M: Gay

H: Guana

B: Geronimo

H: Geronimo?  Geronimo?

B: Geronimo.

C: And then you said?

B&M: Gay.


H: I said gay.  I'm not proud.  

C: I like the guide to the guano, I like the idea of someone going through the universe and being like, alien poop!

H: Right, just tell me about all of the poops!

B: The Hitchhiker's Guide should be about guano.  

H: Yeah, well, scat is always in a good naturalist guide.  Guano, does it have to be bat or is there--there's bird guano and bat guano, is it just poop from a flyer?

B: I'm like, guessing, but now I feel very uncomfortable that I can't give you a definite yes or no.

H: Well, it's okay.  The big important question is, do ostriches poop guano.

B: No, they definitely take dumps.

M: You have the right to remain...

All: Sexy.

B: Because t-shirts.

H: Obviously, is there a t-shirt that says you have the right to remain sexy?  There must be.

B: I feel like that's something someone gets in a tourist shop in Miami Beach, you know what I mean?  Would you like to build a...

M: Snake.

C: Sandwich.

H: Sandman.  What did you say?

M: Snake.  

B: Would you like to build a snake?  It doesn't have to be a snake.  The song immediately loses some of the nicer moments.

H: Let's start collecting the cards.

B: I was gonna say, that's what feels right.  

H: Yeah.

B: I'm gonna award you the first real point.  

H: Ohh, we're starting for real now.  Starting.

C: Ding dong, the witch is...

H: Dinner.

B: Domesticated.

C: We'll put a collar on you.  

H: And a leash're like, do you wanna?

B: Her and Toto both on a leash just for a walk.

H: The witch is like, I need to go potty.  

B: Next to the yellow brick road, not on the road.  Not on the road, we have to clean that.

C: Not on the road, I don't wanna scoop the poop.

H: You guys gotta scoop the poop if it's on the road or not.  

M: Rudolph the Red Nosed...

B: Racketeer.

H: Rantana.  

B: Sorry, what?

M: Well.  Okay.  One person said a word.

B: Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my...

H: Mandible.

C: Mushroom.

M: Mickey.

H: I didn't hear everybody.

C: Mushroom.

B: Mickey?

M: Yes.  

H: He, like, gets himself.  

B: You're so fine, you blow your Mickey, hey Micky.  Mandible gets it.  Blowing a mandible would hurt real bad.

H: Some call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of...

B: Loquatiousness.

M: Llllllleisure?

B: He said, leisurely.

H: Some call me the gangster of leisure.

B: Loquatiousness.  I made it a noun because it had to fit...

H: ..the word, and then you, I liked yours a lot.  

C&H: Lagoons.

H: I mean, those are all very good.  I'm gonna go with leisure.  Michael started off weak, but he's comin' strong now.  

B: Only after we restarted.

H: I ha--nope.  

B: Good talk.

M: Hank's conscience just shut him down.

H: That's right.  You gotta let it happen.

C: Lock him up and throw away the...

H: Keyster.

M: Kale.

B: Karachi.

H: Throw away the entire city of Karachi.

B: Throw it away.  Just do it.  

C: What did you say?

M: Kale.

C: Kale.  

H: I like Kale.


C: Throw away the keyster.  Keister.  

H: Which is basically I just started to say 'key' and then I was like, oh God.  

C: I think, I think Kale.

H: I know.  It's the best answer.  Michael's killing us.

C: I'm feeling it.

B: Saved by the...

H: Bees!  

M: I wanted to say 'bunkey' like donkey with a 'b'?

H: So a donkey is its own animal, so you can cross a donkey with a...what starts with a 'b'?

B: Crossable.

B: Bronco.

C: Beaver.

H: Bronco.  

B: Oh, sorry, beaver makes way more sense.  There's a good fit.

H: Yeah, so Michael said 'bonkey' which is a beaver-donkey.

B: Saved the bees, absolutely, because--

H: We are all, we are all saved by the bees.

B: We are thanking the bees and we are saved by them and that was illogically beautiful.

H: Do you guys know who Tiny Tim is?  Is that any...

C: It's like, the Christmas story, right?

H: Okay, no, no, no, different Tiny Tim.

B: Oh, oh, oh, I do!  Because I was in a play and we had to talk about him and we all got in trouble 'cause none of us knew the reference and we got yelled at from the director for being young.  He plays the ukulele and is creepy as all holy hell.

H: He does.  Yeah.  

(Clip of Tiny Tim)

H: Tiptoe through the..

C: Trampolines.

B: Tangles.

M: Toy box.

H: Trampolines, tangles, toy box.  There's Legos in there and you don't wanna hurt yourself.

B: No, you sure don't.

H: Tiptoe through the toy box, tangles, trampoline.

C: You don't wanna bounce too much, you gotta tiptoe.

H: Yeah, tiptoe through the trampolines.  

C: You don't wanna have too much fun, you wanna, like, be very careful.

H: Right, right.  

C: Safety conscious.

H: Yes.  Ceri as a child.

B: Yes, but safety conscious is have a full foot down.  

C: I did flips all the time on trampolines.

H: Okay.  

C: I swear.

H: I promise.  I promise I have had fun!

C: I was cool.

H: I did flips on trampolines.  

C: Here's looking at you...

H: Kangaroo.

B: Ketchup.

C: These are weak answers.

H: I don't--mine rhymed!

C: That's true, I can see that, that's like a cute show.  

B: That's adorbs.

H: Yeah.  

C: Catchphrase.

H: No, yeah, I would totally like, start a show called Here's Lookin' at You, Kangaroo

C: You can write a kids' book.

B: Where you do kids', like, movie bits based on famous actual classic movies but have it done, you know, zoologically.  Hello, awesome, can I consult?

H: That's great.  I love it.

M: Houston, we have a...

H: Participle.

C: Popsicle.

B: Parameter.

H: Popsicle's really good, I said participle.

B: I love that.

H: We all worked really hard not to say penis.

C: Yep.

M: Popsicle's good.

H: Yeah, popsicle's really good.  Houston, we have a parameter.  Just one.

B: No, there's just one we're worried about, but it's a big one and we're really, you know.

H: Yeah.  I know not what World War III will be fought with, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and...

B: Seraphim.

C: Serenity.

M: Sticks.

H: What was yours?

M: I just said sticks again.  

H: Goddamnit, boy.  

B: Self-referential cardboy.

H: Because they won't even have stones.  They'll have sticks and more sticks.

B: Just sticks left.

H: Sticks and serenity.  

B: Seraphim.

H: No, seraphim, which is the angels and serenity.  World War IV will be fought with sticks and peacefulness.  

C: Oh, I jumped to Firefly like, there were spaceships flying in.  

H: It's the spaceship!  Okay, fine, you win, now that it's the spaceship, I'm into it.

C: Mr. Rogers'...

H: Naughtiness.

B: Necromancer.

C: I like naughtiness, I feel like, Mr. Rogers after dark.  You know, that comedy central show.

M: Like a bridge over troubled...

H: Weenis.  

C: Westlands.

B: Western winds.

H: Bridge over troubled wastelands is good.  I said weenis.

M: I'm gonna take weenis.  

H: Ohh, I'm catching up, y'all.  You've got five.  No, you've got six.  I have to catch Michael.  

B: Son of a bitch.  

H: Bring it!

B: I have some bad...

C: Noodles.

M: Nakedness.

H: Naked.  Damn it, boy.

B: I just...alright, fair enough.  

C: It makes sense.

H: That is a winner for sure.

B: Yeah, where in the movie, it's like 3/4ths of the way through, we're like, at climax, and you just walk in and you're like, I've got some bad noodles.

H: Hey guys, thanks for playing a game with me.  It was a good time.

M: No problem.

B: Is that the name of the segment?  Hey guys, thanks for playing a game with me?

H: Oh man, I would want this to be a thing that we do all the time, 'cause it wasn't that hard.  It will be a pain to edit.

B: It should be one.  It should be one.  Promote, promote.

H: ROLF is available right now, there's a link in the description, here...there's more cards.  There's 200 cards that come, 400 total phrases, there's also a Kickstarter exclusive expansion that everybody who orders it on Kickstarter gets and that will be populated through suggestions from our Kickstarter backers.  Thank you for checking it out.  We had a really good time.  Thanks for coming out and being silly with and I hope we get to do it again some time.  Bye everybody.

M: Byeeee.