Lizzie: You'd think that one dinner with a guy who thinks he knows everything about everything wouldn't be so bad. And it wasn't. But it didn't stop with one dinner, no. Mr. Collins has been coming around every day this week.

I thought he was supposed to be packing up his mother's house, not hanging around ours. And when he's here all he wants to do is mention his venture capitalist, or talk about web video. A subject I'm not sure he actually knows anything about. Oh, but he has learned at least one thing since VidCon. My name is Lizzie Bennet, and guess who discovered my videos?

(Intro plays)

Lizzie: So I'm not worried at all about people discovering my videos. Caroline's got my back with Bing, and as for Ricky, well... He's Ricky. Which is to say he's a complete and total--

Charlotte: Lizzie.

Lizzie: What? You told me to be candid.

Charlotte: But he's watching. You can't say... what you were about to say.

Lizzie: It's not like he's watching every video.

Charlotte: I'm not having this discussion on camera.

Lizzie: Like I said, it's not like he's watching every video.

Charlotte: You're willing to risk that he's never going to see this. The internet is forever and you just called him an idiot on it.

Lizzie: I did not call him an idiot. I said he didn't know anything about web video. Big difference. It's not like that's a secret, I've tried to tell him that to his face, but, as you may have noticed, he doesn't really listen when other people talk.

Charlotte: Still, you don't have to antagonize him.

Lizzie: Why not? He antagonizes me.

[knock at door]

Mr. Collins: Am I interrupting?

Lizzie: Yes.

Charlotte: No, come on in. Have a seat.

Mr. Collins: Ms. Lu, a pleasure as always. Ms. Bennet, I've been meaning to talk to you--

Lizzie: You can just call me Lizzie.

Mr. Collins: But that would be unmannerly.

Lizzie: No, it's okay. That's my name. We've known each other since we were seven. It'll be fine.

Mr. Collins: Well, I see that you're filming again. Oh that is exceedingly savvy of you. My VC partner, Catherine De Bourgh always says, "The key to success is content, content and content." Much like the real estate mantra of "location, location, location." In a way it's really about repetition, repetition, repe--

Lizzie: Yes. I think we get the point.

Mr. Collins: Oh, content is crucial in a successful video blog. Almost a prerequisite.

​Lizzie: Yeah, I know, that's why we try--

Mr. Collins: Oh, I don't know if you know this but, the accepted term is now "vlog." Much in the same way that web log was contracted to form blog, video blog, or I suppose, video web log, has been contracted to form vlog.

​Lizzie: You don't say!

Mr.  Collins: I believe that you could be doing so much more, Lizzie. As I was saying at VidCon, the internet is a rich market, largely untapped. Young viewers are leaving traditional media, much in the same way that their parents fled from broadcast to cable before them. We--

​Lizzie: Wait, are... are you quoting something?

Mr. Collins: Uh, myself only. As a technological evangelist, I often spend my leisure time role-playing scenarios in which I have the opportunity to pitch to content creators. And thus I hone the message to suit the circumstance.

​Lizzie: You do what now?

Mr. Collins: Well, it's a habit that I've adopted at the suggestion of my venture capitalist partner. She believes that visualization, preparation and execution are the three fundamental steps in the pyramid of success.

​Lizzie: Oh, she has a pyramid. Does she also have a scheme?

Mr. Collins: Mm no, it's more of a plan. A plan that I hope includes you, Lizzie Bennet. As I was saying, the web video market remains largely untapped. I believe you've placed yourself in a strong position with your deep, emotional connection to your audience, which would be incredibly valuable.

​Lizzie: You want to connect to my audience?

Mr. Collins: Actually, it would excite me greatly if I could see your analytics. Just a peek.

​Lizzie: My what?

Charlotte: He means your uh, audience statistics.

​Lizzie: Oh. Um, that's private?

Charlotte: Uh, Mr. Collins. Why don't we get some tea downstairs and I'll tell you about them.

Mr. Collins: Well, I'd greatly like to discuss--

​Lizzie:  No, no, tea time. Good tea. Go! Go now.

Wow. That guy's a handful. And I know he just said like a thousand words, but I'm still not sure that he actually said anything. He's either really smart, or thinks he's really smart. But one thing's for sure, he doesn't understand the concept of not barging into someone else's bedroom.

Mr. Collins: Excuse me, Ms. Lizzie, but I felt compelled to bring you a cup of tea. I brewed it myself.

​Lizzie: Seems like you're compelled to do a lot of things.

Mr. Collins: Oh, yes, as I am also compelled to tell you that you are far too talented to confine your professional endeavours to a confessional style vlog, centered largely around your sister's love life.

​Lizzie: Well I'm sure this is what my viewers are crying out for.

Mr. Collins: Now, on the other hand, corporate instructional videos, for internal use only--

​Lizzie: Ricky.

Mr. Collins: Mr. Collins.

​Lizzie: I need to finish this video. You--you have to leave. Now.

Mr. Collins: Um. Well, I'll wait downstairs. About how long--

​Lizzie: Hours.

Ahh. Quiet. Sweet sounds of solitude. How I have missed you.

Yesss.