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In which John discusses puppy sized elephants, puns on Australia's least favorite teenagers, namedrops Dostoevsky, and challenges the nerdfighters.


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A Bunny
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Good morning, Hank, it's Monday, January 21st and today's video is, in one way, exactly like Theodore Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov."

It's about patricide?


It's about free will?


Oh wait, does it come in four parts?

Yes! Part one: Puppy sized elephants!

Hank, in my last video, I wrote an open letter to evolution, requesting that evolution make me a puppy sized elephant. Because it would have the evolutionary advantage of being adorable. Now, Hank, we all know that evolution can take several million years to respond to requests, so in the meantime, all these made of awesome Nerdfighters made me all of these puppy sized elephants! I'm sorry, Hank, but puppy sized elephants just blow puppy sized puppies out of the water.

I mean, Hank, just look at them! And Hank, as I look at all of these puppy sized elephants, I can't help but think, "Man, I wish there was a Photoshop for reality." You know, so you could be like "This looks pretty good, but I'm wondering if there's any way to maybe dwarf down the elephants, nerd up the humans, and maybe take that malaria layer and just get rid of it altogether." Also, just a general recommendation: more rainbows.

Part two: puppy sized elephants continued.

Hank, the saga of puppy sized elephants does not end with Photoshop. Right after I posted my last video, several brilliant Nerdfighters pointed out to me that evolution did, in fact, make me a puppy sized elephant. Albeit, many thousands of years ago.

So there's this evolutionary phenomenon called insular dwarfism, which over time causes large animals in isolated populations to breed themselves smaller. So, Hank, say you're a large animal, and you are. During an ice age, you use an ice bridge to head over to an island and you like the island so you stay there. Then the ice age ends and all of a sudden, you're a big animal stuck on a small island. Over many generations, you'll breed yourself smaller so that the population can continue to grow despite limited resources.

The phenomenon of insular dwarfism has been seen in all kinds of large animals, like dinosaurs and humans, and elephants!

Hank, I'll be the first to admit that the puppy sized elephant would be cuter if it were not so... dead. But still, pretty cute! It turns out that there were several different kinds of miniature elephants, some of which were so small that they were only like three feet tall.

Hank, it's believed that the last species of puppy sized elephant went extinct about 4,000 years ago. It's not clear what killed them off, but it might have been people. Oh, people, why must you ruin everything?

In fact, Hank, if I ever do get a letter back from evolution, it's probably going to go something like this: "Dear human, thank you for your letter. We made you a puppy sized elephant, but then you killed it. Fancy that. You're welcome for your thumbs! Evolution."

Part 3: my glasses.

Hank, people are still hating on the nerd glasses!

[Australian reporter]: "Take off your glasses and apologize to us."

I'm sorry if they upset people, but I'm not taking off my glasses.

[Australian reporter]: "Why not?"

'Cause. They're famous.

Part 4: Projects, challenges and punishments.

Nerdfighters, you've been talking so much about how much you miss punishing us that we've devised a way that you can keep doing it.

Here's how it's going to work. We come up with projects for you, and then if and when you complete those projects, as a reward, you get to punish slash challenge us in whatever way you see fit. Although the wives still get veto power.

So, for instance, after the stunning success of the first annual Project for Awesome, you would have gotten to punish us. And Nerdfighters, we're ready to announce your first project. Many months ago, Hank wrote a song about Helen Hunt. Your project, should you choose to accept it, is to make sure that Helen Hunt has seen that video, and provide proof that she has seen it. If you can pull that off, you can punish us both!

Hey, is this Orlando Bloom? Yeah, uh.. no... it's John Green, of the Vlogbrothers. Right... yeah. Oh, I know, I know, it was funny that Harry Potter song. Uh, I'm gonna need you to put on your elf ears and get out your bow and arrow. Yeah, um, well I just received word that they're taking Hank Green to Isengard, and I'm gonna need you to go, uh, you know, get him.