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In which John Green talks about the differences between the United States and Canada. The Swoodilypoopers take on Derby County.

Follow the Swoodilypoopers on Twitter: @SwindonSwoodily
Hello and welcome to hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green, I'm the manager of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers. There's a ginger over there, I don't see his name. And we are currently fifth in the league behind only Watford, Sunderland, Bolton and Southampton. (Sighs) We can do this guys. We're playing Darby, Derby... Mmm, Derby County today? Whatever, I'm going to talk about Canada and my great, my great secret love for Canada. My complicated relationship with Canada. Some people call it America's hat, some people call us Canada's pants.

But first let me give you a squad update: We're starting Bandalovski, Dave Matthews Bandalovski out on the defensive wing today, along with He Who Shall Not Be Named. The Gingers, McShane and Rampage are anchoring the defense. Upfront we have Leroy Williamson and Other John Green, now known just as John Green due to the departure of Bald John Green, which we still grieve, or at least I do. Mmm, I don't feel like the club has been the same without him and we've been suffering, having difficult times.

So Canada is a nation of 30 million people. It is to the north of the United States, and people, Americans often make the following comments about Canadians. One, they are very polite. Two they are a little bit silly because of their pacifism and their, their universal healthcare, and the fact that they live longer lives than Americans, have higher quality of life despite having a lower per capita GDP and generally seem to have it all figured out.

We respond to this by being like, "Well yes, but we drive innovation and blah blah blah blah blah crap." The truth is, Canada is a better place to live than the United States. It's very difficult to argue otherwise because there are not a lot of quantifiable metrics by which Canada does not beat us. We win... Like I said, we win per capita GDP but that doesn't actually matter because how much money you make is not nearly as important as how happy - oh God -and fulfilled you are in your life, and how healthy you are and how long you live and the level of security that you feel and all of that stuff, all of which is higher if you are Canadian than if you are American.