Hank: So it's happening. The Stanley Parable.

Narration: No matter how hard Stanley looked, he couldn't find a trace of his coworkers.

Hank: I can't find a trace of my coworkers. Should I be paying attention to things?

Narration: Here you sit looking at these chairs and some paintings.

Hank: I was looking at the mugs, dorkwad!

I don't know if I want to do what you tell me to do, mister. What's your name? Jeff? Is it Jeff?

Do I have another choice besides death? I don't like death.

Narration: You're risking everything we achieved here!

Hank: We didn't achieve anything!

Narration: Go back to the other room?

Hank: Shush, Jeff.

I don't know what's happening at all.

So last time I killed myself.

Okay, this time I'm gonna do exactly what he tells me to do.

I mean, I said I was gonna do everything that you told me to do, but I feel like now I shouldn't do it.

Narration: He's literally just standing there doing sweet FA.

Hank: What was that? Sweet what?

Jeff.

Narration: Well I've come to a very definite conclusion about what's going on right now.

Hank: What is it?

Narration: You're dead.

Hank: What?

This game is much more fun when you're just wrong about stuff.

(Dance Break Music)

Hank: Some mind control is at work, now I'm in the depths of the-

Narration: Stanley walked straight ahead through the large door that read "Mind Control Facility."

Hank: Oh! There is some mind control at work.

Controls... Escape... I want to do both. I want to do both. I want to do boooooth.

Narration: Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room was capable of turning it off.

Hank: I did! AAAUUUAAAUUUAAAUUUGGGGHHHH

Narration: Inevitable life from the moment we fade in until the moment I say happily ever aft...

Hank: I died again.
It's dark in this roo....AH!

Narration: Do we need to restart the game again? 

Hank: No, no, no, no, no don't do it! JEFF! Jeff! Jeff help! Help me!

Narration: I have to restart.

Hank: Okay...Thanks Jeff. This is fun.

Narration: I think what we need right now is  a little music to lighten the mood.

Hank: Hruh! Hruh! Oh sure that sounds...

(Music plays)

This music makes everything good!

Narration: Stanley, this fern will be very important later in the story. Make sure you study it closely and remember it carefully. You won't want to miss anything.

Hank: It's a fern. Got it! What should I name the line? Bertrand? Okay, you're Jeff and the line is Bertrand. 

Narration: I don't want to be trapped like this.

Hank: Well have you thought about what I want Jeff?

Narration: I won't restart the game.

Hank: Nonsense, philosophy and music..(loud beeping noise) Hweaugh! Hwoh! Hyaugh! Why the noise?

Narration: This all a dream!

Hank: It's all a DREAM!

Narration: Let me wake up.

Hank: Let me wake up.

Narration: he thought to himself.

Hank: Let me wake up.

Narration: I am okay.

Hank: I'm okay....

I'm still here. GAHHHHHHHHH

The end is never the end is never the end. Is never the end. Is never the end.

Oh I haven't gone this way. Yay! New thing! I hurt my back just then!

Narration: The door behind him was not...

Hank: The Narrator: Kevin Brighting! Dang it! If his was Jeff that would have been amazing!

Narration: But as sunlight streamed into the chamber...

Hank: Ssssshhhhhhhhhh.... I don't care I don't care. Let's go. It's real!

Narration: Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his...

Hank: Gimme that cool breeze!

Narration: It's incredible he wasn't fired years ago.

Hank: It's incredible you weren't fired years ago! AHHH!

(Splat)

Narration: But in his eagerness to prove that he is in control of the story and no one gets to tell him what to do, Stanley leapt from the platform and plunged to his death.

Hank: Well, apparently you can die more than once. 

Narration: Stanley knew the office layout like the back of his hand.

Hank: I do. I still run into doors though.

My name is Danger. My last name's Everywhere. My first name's Hank. My middle name's Danger. Last name's Everywhere. But I go by my middle name. Shhh. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Everything's not weird at all.

We're going back! Baggitty, Baggitty, Back! Back! 

Narration: If I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it!

Hank: Shut up. Shut up Jeff! I spat on my computer!

Narration:  Eager to get back to business.

(unknown voice starts playing over the game narration) 

Narration: Stanley took the first open door on his left....

Hank: There's an advertisement playing on my stupid computer. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Unacceptable advertisement playing for Febreze during my Stanley Parable video! UNACCEPTABLE! That's the most angry I have ever been playing a video game.

Narration: It didn't cause you excruciating pain.

Hank: True.

With this hallway that isn't normal again! Again! Gheh! Gah Danggit!

Today's episode is brought to you by this little plastic thing that memory cards go inside of. If you wanted an extra plastic thing in your life buy a memory card! 

UUUURRRRGGGGHHH! Uh, nope.

Okay. HRRRAAAAGGHHHHGRGRGR! Awh.

Maybe if I start from over here. Hyuh! Nope.

Okay. Parkour! Parkour! Parkour! Parkour!!!!!

I don't believe you I think you're gonna come back and say something to me because I don't trust you, Jeff! 

Wait! There's a door open! Wait, no that door's always open. Nevermind.

It says username access. Turn off! You die. I don't want you to talk to, don't want you to talk to me! I'm Stanley! I don't want to talk to you. I guess I go back to my office.

Is the roof on fire? Is that why everyone left because the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire? And that's dangerous so they had to evacuate? This doesn't make any sense. This doesn't make any sense!

Was that it? That was the escape? I escaped? Through a hole in the nothing? That was it? I just kept walking? I thought there was going to be some kind of shuttle launch! I was excited about the shuttle launch.

I'm gonna get the baby. Ending. At least I hope I am. Click the button for four hours, something will happen. I'm doing it for you! If you appreciate it there's a like button specifically there for you to show that appreciation. Let's go punch a button!

Boodle it up! Boodle it. Boodle it on up.

Alright. Button! I only have to do what I just did like a thousand more times. 

Narration: Okay, so clearly you're in for the long haul.

Hank: Yes sir!

Narration: It needs--

Hank: Oh my God, a thing changed!

Narration: --a puppy.  That's right. This puppy is being lowered toward an aquarium filled with nothing but piranha.

Hank: Oh my God.

Narration: Now you have to click the second button to avert the puppy's death.

Hank: You're gonna make this harder?

Narration: Bonne chance mon ami!

Hank: Speak to me in French.

Narrator: That's what you've always wanted, right?

Hank: Oh God I missed the baby. I missed the ba..., oh God. That would've been bad. That would have been bad. Shut up Jeff.

Narrator: Have we really been doing this for over 3 and a half hours?

Hank: Oh, is that all?

Whisper to me Jeff!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Fear me mortal! I am the essence of divine art!

This game is weird and I love it.