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Is Benjamin Harrison the exact middle president of the USA? How did you predict a pandemic? Would a younger version of me be able to open my phone? When did we start counting minutes and seconds? Why would a bathrobe have a hood? What are small things humans do that make you happy? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.
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Hank: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John!

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank!

H: It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, John?

J: Yeah

H: John, really, I hope that, because we're recording this before the inauguration, but I hope Joe Biden showed up to the inauguration as this is coming out, because otherwise that would be an un-Presidented situation.

J: I would have laughed harder at that, Hank, if it felt like a joke.

H: *laughs* So as usual, we are recording our podcast significantly in advance, um, and usually I feel very comfortable doing that. Right now, I just need everyone to know that we are in a different time than you are.

J: I haven't felt comfortable with the six day lag in at least ten months, I have to say, but I feel especially uncomfortable with it now. Hank, in general I think tha we need to focus on some evergreen questions, because the truth is, who kows when this is coming out. And that brings me to the first issue that our podcast is facing; usually we save the corrections and comments for the end of the podcast, but Elise wrote in --

H: But John has been obsessed with this for weeks.

J: I have, I have. Elise wrote in and said: "Dear John and Hank, in an episode of the pod from 2018, you said that if we had a new president it would mean that Benjamin Harrison would be the exact middle president. While this is probably the least important thing right now -- and it genuinely is, Elise, thanks for pointing that out -- is this a reason to celebrate? Thank you, Elise"

H: I don't even - i'm not even sure why John has been obsessed with this, but he's been talking about it for weeks. I still -- 

J: You know why I'm obsessed with it, Hank?

H: No, tell me.

J: Because whether Benjamin Harrison is the exact middle president right now depends on one huge factor: do you consider --

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H: I can't believe that it's- that there is one. To me it seems like that is a yes or no question and that is a very cut and dry. Tell me why this is confusing.

J: Because, if you go and look at a list of the presidents of the United States of America, you will find that in excusably, over and over and over again in our history books, on Wikipediea, in our official listings of which president -- which number president -- over and over and over again, Grover Cleveland is listed as the 22nd and 24th president of the United States. It's unacceptable! He's one person, and yes, he was president and then Benjamin Harrison became president and then Grover Cleveland became president again, he's one person, he does not get to be two presidents.

H: *Laughs* I think you're right! Because, like, Ronald Reagan wasn't the, I don't know, like, 39th and 40th president of the United States, I'm guessing, which one he was.

J: Simply because he was re-elected, correct.

H: Yeah, he's just the, just the one of those.

J: And so whether or not Benjamin harrison is currently the middle president depends on whether you define Grover Cleveland as having been the 22nd president when he began being president or the 24th president when he finished being president. And I should say that -- I guess I should say when he finished being president up to the present. Because we do not know, Hank, in the future, if we're gonna be able to, like, resurrect old presidents and re-elect them. That does not seem out of the realm of possibility to me anymore, It's possible that the United States of America is gonna vote for the animatronic Grover Cleveland that plays at Disney's Hall of Presidents to be president, I don't know. All I know is that he can't be both the 22nd and the 24th president. it's unconsionable.

H: Now I want to run the numbers and be like, "Okay, we're gonna have a president-off," and all the presidents are gonna run against each other, and we're gonna decide who the best one is! And that's gonna be better than any rando we pull out these days, especially considering

J: Gestures broadly

H: The situation

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H: So, just like pit them all against each other like it's the sweet sixteen, or whatever they call it, the magic 32, what do they call it in basketball?

J: I believe that is correct, yes, the old magic 32, followed by the super 16, followed by the --

H: Great Eight!

J: It's actually, Great Eight is so much better than what it actually is, which is Elite Eight

H: Eugh!

J: I know, and then there's the Final Four, which is a very good catchy thing but they don't have anything to refer to the last two, which I've always --  while we're talking about things that I find problematic.

H: Well, isn't the last two just the final?

J: Yeah, but if you're gonna have, like, the Sweet Sixteen and the Elite Eight and the Final Four and not have the final two, I find it confusing.

H: Cause I guess, I guess the Final Four is the semifinals, and then the finals are the finals, so if you're gonna name the semifinals, you should have a name for the --  you decide now, John, you are in charge! What is it called when the final two basketball teams face off?

J: The Sooooo Two!

H: I didn't like it.

J: The, hold on, the, uh, the Mr. Magoo Two!

H: I think you're gonna have to -- 

J: It's a new film coming out from Disney, and so they sponsor the last game of the NCAA Basketball tournament --  our international listeners are really enjoying this bit.

H: What about "pairing," can we do anything with "pairing?"

J: The Glaring Pairing?

H: The Glaring Pairing!

J: *Laughing*

H: They're so good you can't even look! Shield your eyes! They sink them all!

J: Ohh, Hank, before we get to questions from our listeners, I just want to go through one more correction-slash-comment that we got from Izzy, who wrote in to say -- 

H: Is that it? I feel like I should disagree with you on the Grover Cleveland situation, so that we can have some tension, but I just agree with you.

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