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Last sync:2023-01-24 13:30
In which Hank vlogs from a riverbank about Hitler, Shaq, floods, rocks, ants, ice cream, sexy back, punishments, sandwiches, dolphins...I mean, you really aren't gonna get much from the's a weird video.


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A Bunny
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Good, ooh, yeah there we go. Good morning, John.

I just wanted to take you down to the Clark Fork River, which is close to flooding right now.

John, I want to start this video by asking you a question. What were you thinking...when you gave yourself a punishment? Because that, wow, now you have two because of the Helen Hunt thing.

Yeah, I just spat in the river! I'm phlegmy!

There's a walking path right up here. Probably people wondering why there's a guy down here screaming. But you know, it's downtown; there's crazy people all over the place!

What was that noise? That was a crazy noise. Whoa. Oh, it was, it was the ice cream truck. It's playing "Sexy Back". Ice cream trucks have apparently grown up a little since I was a kid.

So here's something that I think no one knows. Uhh, baby boys used to be dressed in pink until the 1940s, and baby girls were dressed in blue. It was totally flip-flopped! Until Hitler put little pink triangles on gay people during World War II because he wanted to label them so that everyone could take the "proper precautions", and you know, so that he could later kill them more efficiently. And after that, pink became an effeminate color. Because of Hitler! The entire world switched! And that is why pink ribbons are for boobies. Because of Hitler.

Vlogbrothers: we teach you things that you don't know.

I'm bringin' sexy back! Yeah! Pah-pah-pah! Yeah!

Don't believe I'm on the side of a river? Here's a stick. This is not a green screen, people. I should throw a rock in the river so you can see. Ugh! Yeah!

So John. Punishment idea. Corey Vidal once made a video in which he, uh, annotated it, and then he made people click, and then you clicked on two items that he would then blend and drink.

We obviously created the blending and drinking of stuff, so I, uh, wrote to Corey, and I asked him if I could appropriate that idea, and he said, "Absolutely, that's just fine."

So instead of blending, Nerdfighters, you are going to make John make a sandwich! There's going to be six ingredients, and you are going to be able to click on two of the ingredients. He'll make a sandwich with those two things, put them in between a piece of bread and then eat them. Like sprinkles and bacon. Or pig's feet and marshmallows. Or lard and lox! Lard and Lox: the Steve Buscemi story. The newest, hippest nightclub in downtown New York is Lard and Lox. I don't know what I'm talking about!

John, did you know that the tallest man in the world once reached his giant arms down the throat of a dolphin to remove shards of plastic from the dolphin because no one else's arms were long enough, and he was able to do it, and the veterinarians couldn't do it, only he could? Did you know that? I bet Shaq could have done it. But Shaq was too busy that day. He's not going to be so busy anymore. Achilles heel? What kind of a bad-ass has a bad Achill--wait a second. Achilles would be a good example of that.

I found an ant! Come here, ant! Show yourself to the video blog. The Nerdfighters want to see you! Hello, ant. He's big. He's a big ant. Can you see him? Can you see him? There he is. That's enough of that.

So that is my idea for one of your punishments. And it could be both of your punishments. Your punishment has to be-- Here's two punishments. One, you have to make a video that has more than forty video parts, and that would be if six...six times six is thirty-six, so maybe more than thirty-five. And your other punishment is to make a lot of sandwiches with gross stuff in them.

Nerdfighters, leave suggestions in the comments for things that should be included in, uh, John's sandwich-making.

Also, I've been working tirelessly on my new album, which I know it should have come out a long time ago, and it has songs that have been out for ages like 'Strange Charm' and 'What Would Captain Picard Do'? But it also has new songs that you haven't heard yet like 'Shake A Booty' and 'My Phone'.

I'm very excited about it. It's called Ellen Hardcastle, of course. And here is the cover art that Alan Lastufka designed. Very excited! Yes, 'Phineas Gage' is on this as well. I'm hopefully going to have it available for LeakyCon. If you're going to be at LeakyCon, I hopefully should have the album there. And then it should be on sale, uh, on DFTBA shortly after that, which is, like, July 13th, I think?

So, I'm very excited about that. And John, I'm very excited about watching you eat sandwiches.

John, I will see you on...blehhh. Friday.