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In which Hank spends some more quality time with GLaDOS and kills a bunch of turrets.
Hello, and welcome to "Hank Green Plays Portal". I have to jump down this hole, so now I'm down a hole. There's a little light here, that's an old door, and there's another door over here. Last time, on "Hank Green Plays Portal", I was doing test chambers. Now, I somehow have moved beyond test chambers into a loading screen. Why not? 

(0:26) Aperture Science loading screen. Infinite grid of Portal, except there's no grid, and it's not infinite, and I'm not running around, and I can't go everywhere in every direction, and I also can't go up and down. (GLaDOS: ... so you may be confused about the passage of time.) Okay, well, it's not just that I'm confused about the passage of time, it's also I have no idea where or when I am, but... okay. 

(1:09) I have to make- I only have one of these guys and I have to make everything... laser beam! (singing) Tropical laser beams. So I just have to get these two in one. Easy enough. And then... like that? Oh my god, first try?

(1:36) You're kidding me. (GLaDOS: Well, technically it's a medical experiment.) Okay, well I'm looking forward to you doing experiments on me on my birthday, but generally I thought that's what we did every day. You doing experiments on me, GLaDOS. 

(2:13) Turrets. A turret level. Oh. (laughing at dialogue) "Neck-bearded." Hello, turret. Woah, woah! Okay, those guys can't shoot me. Now you can't shoot me. Ha ha ha ha ha. (more diabolical laughter at the turrets' plight) Yes I did! That was awesome. I don't know that that did me any good, but it was fun. 

(3:06) Oh my goodness. Wow. They can't even see through this stuff, which is amazing to me. Oh, my goodness. Okay, well I did that. Hoah! Bam. Is there a cube somewhere? I don't know where the cube comes from. There it is. That's the exit. Oh geez. 

(3:43) Oh, the cube- they're guarding the cube. How do I get up there? Ah ha! The answer is: I block myself! (laughing) I am so good at this game oh my god. Oh god. Oh god. (Turret: Are you still there?) No, I'm not still there. 

(4:16) Oh eat it, you little punks! Okay, I'm stuck. I was stuck for a second. That was too bad. Ha. Yep. "Ow ow ow ow ow!" I was not gonna let you guys live after getting rid of everybody in there. More turrets. I thought I was adopted, why would they have my last name, like my parents? Hm? Yeah, that's right! That's right, that's a flaw in your logic, GLaDOS. 

(4:58) I'm maybe taking it a little personally. Maybe taking my relationship with GLaDOS a little bit personally. Maybe I'm falling in love with her. Stockholm syndrome and stuff. That one's denim. Why are they spinning? They're so many colors. (laughing) Yeah, I'm not gonna see anybody I haven't seen in a long time, GLaDOS, you know why? Ooh, are you alive? "Goodbye." I'm not still there. Ooh, laser beam! 

(5:41) I love laser beams. Shoot. It only is on sometimes. Shoot it! Get 'em! Get 'em! Yeah, burn! Ha ha ha! Oh wait, is that going through there? It wasn't. Okay, well, still. I feel as if I have been effective. You come with me. I don't actually know if I need to do that, but I did anyway. And... definitely need to do this, though. 

(6:25) 'Cause I need to put this on here so that the laser beam can come down. Good. So, laser beam. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Hot. Can the laser beams go? Yes they can. And just die. Just go ahead and die, everybody. And then that goes through there. And that was easy, and fun, 'cause I got to blow up a lot of turrets, so awesome. 

(6:58) That's probably the creepiest thing that she's ever done. Humming "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow". That- yeah. If she- I think that might actually be a little bit more interesting, if GLaDOS was creepier. As it is, she's just childish. But interestingly childish. 

(7:29) Right, 'cause you killed them all. And you're so proud of it. What is this doing? Oh, it opened the door. So I need that... to cube. Not "to", but cube. Okay. Ah ha! Ah ha, my smarts have engaged. I had to think about it for a while, but my smarts have officially now engaged. 

(8:09) You actually need to come with me here, for now. This is an orange, so I need a blue here. And then you come with me through here, and then you go right there, and then I go over onto that platform. I think that that would work. I think, I think it will. 

(8:32) If it doesn't, it's not because it's the wrong idea, it's because it just didn't work. And then I have to make a blue there- yes! I'm smart. (GLaDOS: I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise.) I didn't think that at all, GLaDOS. (GLaDOS: After all these years.) How many years? How many years? I want to know! 

(8:57) It's- I mean, I could look up how long it would take a polyester lampshade to degrade without the presence of UV, which I feel like would be a really long time. Like, five figures. Chapter four begins! Chapter four is "The Surprise". 

(9:25) Yeah. I'm not surprised. (yawning) Oh, GLaDOS. I don't think that I wanna talk to you any more. Thank you for watching this episode of "Hank Green Plays Portal". This test chamber looks very large, and it definitely has a turret in it. Can you shoot me from there? You can certainly try. 

(9:58) Thank you for watching. There's an annotation in the top right-hand side of the video if you wanna watch more. Next time you will not see me and I will not see you but you will hear me. Goodbye. 

Transcript by Coignmaster