John: Hello!

Hank: Now I have to find the link to it.

John: We're live.  I'm gonna keep talking while Hank looks for a link.  This is the Hank and John Black Friday Bonanza.  I've been thinking a lot about Black Friday and my complicated relationship with it, and I think it's odd that we're having a Black Friday Bonanza, but whatever, we are going to have one.  Hank, do you not know how to find a link on a Google Hangout?

Hank: Oh, you know.  I think I--I think I'm almost there.  

John: I'm duly amused by this entire thing, as I don't have access to hankschannel, I cannot do it for you, but it is easy, so I believe in you.  So, yeah, we're having a Black Friday live chat.  We're gonna answer your questions, if anyone gets to watch this.  Hank, do you want to turn it off and then turn it back on again?

Hank: No, I got it.

John: Okay.  Are you sharing it?  

Hank: Yeah, I'm going to Twitter right now.  

John: Great, once you Tweet it, then I can grab it and Tweet it.  We're doing a...at DFTBA.com, right now, you can get 20% off of everything, all the things that...everything, from lip balm to beard oil, from Hank and John bobbleheads, to Pizza John shirts, to Pizza John bottlecap necklaces, signed posters, all kinds of signed merch, some posters signed by both Hank and me.  All of it's 20% off at DFTBA.com, so we're doing a livestream to celebrate that also to hopefully get people to go to DFTBA.com, you know, a family owned business.  We'll meet some of the people who work on the DFTBA team and just kind of give you a sense of how it all goes down on Black Friday, 'cause it's like an exciting but also somewhat terrifying day for us.  

Hank: True that.  Alright, I Tweeted it, now I'm putting it on Facebook.  

John: Hank, you've gotta talk when I'm not talking.  

Hank: I am talking.  Can you not hear me talk?

John: I can hear you.  

Hank: Okay.  Well, I'm also--I also gotta let everybody know that this exists, because otherwise, I'm not talking to anybody.

John: Well, we're talking to lots of people.  Twitter's all you really need.  

Hank: Uh...I think that--I think that (?-2:20) all my Facebook people.

John: Alright, I can't--no one can understand what you're saying, because you're mumbling.  You're doing your mumblies.  

Hank: That's just not true.  

John: There's my brother speaking loud and clear.  

Hank: Um, so, here I am in the labyrinthine DFTBA.com warehouse.  If this is our main door that we open in order to get rid of our items that are going to be shipped out, and also take in new items that are going to be turned into things that we are going to send to people.  Most of these--

John: Question.  Why are comments disabled for this video when I need comments very much to know the Nerdfighters' questions?  

Hank: Uh.  Well, I wouldn't--I wouldn't know the answer to that question, John.

John: Okay, well, I can't get into hankschannel, so I can't do anything to fix that.  

Hank: Well, you go ahead and talk while I fix that.

John: Okay, so (laughs) we were clearly very, very ready for this Hangout.  We spent months preparing.  Now Hank is back inside of his hole, his tiny little hole, surrounded by cardboard boxes.  Don't laugh, Hank.  Just fix the comments problem.  Um, yeah, so, Hank started DFTBA.com in 2008 with Alan Lastufka, and it was just run out of Alan's apartment for many, many years.  Orders would come in and then Alan would go to the box in his bedroom that contained the relevant item and then he would take the relevant item and put it in an envelope and go to the post office.  That is still more or less the spirit of DFTBA.com.

Although now we have a slightly larger bedroom and more than one Alan.  So yeah, it's a--it's--oh, wait, there's a chat feature on the YouTube page.  

Hank: I got--I have an update about the comments problem in that there is not one.  They are working just fine, and if you're watching the video, there's lots of people talking right now.  

John: Oh, that's weird.  Oh, yeah, you're right, they've over there on the right.  I see.  I see.  I see.  My bad.  Hank, this is entirely my fault.

Hank: It is.  

John: God!

Hank: So, what do you want to see, John?

John: I want to see everything.  What's going on right now?  Like, what's the vibe in the warehouse like?

Hank: Well, it was just lunch, so we got the pizza today.

John: Oh, that's nice.

Hank: Hi guys.

Katie (?): Hi.

Hank: Are you okay being on a livestream?

Katie (?): Sure.  It's too late now.

Megan (?) Hi John.

John: Hi, how's it going? OK, what are we packing up right now?

Hank: They're making boxes for mugs to go inside of.

John: OK, so show me a mug that's gonna go inside of one of those boxes.

Hank: This is our Good Mythical Morning mug, our best-seller.

John: Good Mythical Morning, the great Rhett and Link. Ok, so the idea is... like, who's over there? Was that Casey? I couldn't see.

Hank: Katie. And... I'm sorry.

Megan: Megan.

Hank: Megan.

John: Katie and Megan. So Katie's making the boxes...

Hank: Buncha times. Yes.

John: Katie's making the boxes and then you kinda gotta like... it's just like making a moving box, but then you've gotta put a mug in it and then you gotta put a shipping label on it, so where does the shipping label come from?

Hank: It comes out of the shipping label printer, which Kaynan (?) is apparently operating.

Kaynan (?): Yes.

Hank: Where is it hiding these days? Oh there it is.

Kaynan (?): The printers will work here in just a second.

Hank: You're about to make it go?

John: How many orders are we getting-- so if somebody orders something right now, it comes right to here.

Don't show it Hank, because we don't want to see somebody's address, but it comes right to there and then--

Hank (?) labels on the back.

John: We print out the label, we find the appropriate size box,

Hank: There they go!

John: They fill it up, boom ba-da-boom-ba-da-boom-ba-da-boom

Hank: (?) They used to go a lot slower than that.

Kaynan (?): (?) sped things up.

John: and then all those shipping labels, eventually will go on boxes, hopefully in the next couple days or next day or so, and will go to the people who ordered Pizzamas stuff or who arre ordering Rhett and Link mugs or who are ordering whatever it is that they're ordering at DFTBA.com.

Hank: Yes. Every one of them has... I'll just use this one. Every one of them has

John: Our own little episode of How It Works.

Hank: Yeah. It has a list of the things that they ordered. This person got six two packs of Rhett and Link lip balm and one of the beard oil.

John: Twelve Rhett and Link lip balms! That's a lot of lip balm.

Hank: Yeah. In fact I think that this entire stack of labels wuh...

John: uh-du-du-du-du! Please do not show the labels Hank.

Hank: This entire stack of labels is in fact just for lip balm... and also for beard oil.

John: Oh wow. That's great though. I have to say that I've been using the lip balm and it's excellent.

Hank: Have you?

John: I have.

Hank: Are you lying?

John: I'm not lying, you can look at my order history.

Hank: (laughs) This is a big bunch of pins, where did these come from?

Rachel: They're all for the DFTBA stocking stuffer.

Hank: Oh, our stocking stuffer thing.

Rachel: Yeah.

Hank: Yeah.

John: How does that work?

Rachel: (?)

Hank: Do you mind being on camera? This is Rachel.

John: Hey Rachel!

Rachel: Hi!

Hank: This is our customer service, so if you have any problems, this is the desk that that goes to. I like that you have a drawer just for pizza.

Rachel: Well yeah. (everyone laughs)

John: Every customer service representative needs pizza in a drawer at all times.  

Hank: And so you wanted to save, you wanted to, like, reserve a couple pieces for yourself just in case.

Rachel: Well, I also had my breakfast also that I didn't finish.  I'm multitasking.

Hank: Yeah, that was good.  That was good.

John: Hank, can you show us, like, the overall size of the warehouse?

Hank: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I can just do this.

Kaynan (?): Just go up on the steps.

Hank: Yeah, I'll go up on the ladder. We have racks high enough now that we need like a [popping noise over talking] moving staircase.

John: Some terrible noise is happening when you move. It's one of the worst noises I've ever heard.

Hank: Well, every time you talk, it's just like this buzzing noise. It might just be your voice, but it also might be something technical.

John: I'm hoping it's not just my voice that's annoying. What's-- I spend all this time trying to figure out what's so annoying and it turns out it's just me.

Hank: Ok. Let's not die here, ok.

John: There's some Vidcon T-shirts behind you. Oh wow look it's so big now!

Hank: Stop talking.

John: (?)

Hank: Yeah, I mean it's the same warehouse it's just got a lot more stuff in it. I mean it's sort of crazy that we have a rack that goes up this high, we've never had that before. And a lot of this is overstock stuff so when we have more stuff than we need, we can put it on the tippy-top. And also like... I'm not even sure why we have these, but the Vidcon staff shirts. Why do we have Vidcon staff shirts? I don't know. Why... Why?

John: Maybe we'll give them away as a present at some point.

Hank: (? 9:38)

John: I like that we've got all those Okay? Okay. Fault in our Stars hoodies. There's a Paper Towns T-shirt I really like that for some reason I don't own, that's just got Agloe, New York on it, it's really cool.

Hank: I could probably manage to get that for you.

John: No, it's fine, I'll order my own. They didn't have it in my size, it was already sold out in my size.

Hank: Oh, we already sold out of some sizes of that one, that's crazy. Aaaaand, yeah. These boxes are a lot of overstock as well, and then the boxes behind those boxes, the ones closer to the wall are packing materials - so boxes of boxes, boxes of tubes, boxes of poster tubes and just a ridiculous amount of bubble wrap for our mugs so that they don't break on the way to people's houses. I'm gonna go down this and not die. (groaning) It's high. It's high up, John.

John: Yeah. I could not have gone up that ladder, so I thank you for doing it on our behalf.

Hank: Boxes of these thing, you know we gotta have those.

John: Bubble mailers. So...

Hank: There's several palettes of palettes, because these... I don't know why we have these. Usually they get taken away, but right now... I just watched an advertisement which told you how to make a table look lnicer by puting palette wood on it and I was just like "have you ever experienced a palett?" They're just, just splinters. Just 100% splinter, and no two pieces are the same size and they're all in horrible shape, so don't actually try and make a table out of palette wood. Just get some wood. There's better wood.

John: We actually used palette wood to make the outlines of a vegetable garden.

Hank: Yeah, yeah, but not something that you want to be touching.

John: What's that?

Hank: I also found this. I found some boxes of these.

John: Oh look at those Hank and John bobble heads! Oh my goodness. I don't think it's ridiculous. I am a little bit embarassed to have a bobble head of myself. I already had one in 2008, I was embarassed enough about that, but now there are more bobble heads in the world.

I like me.  I have to say, your bobblehead is a much better likeness to you than my bobblehead is to me.  

Hank: It's funny, I feel the opposite way, so maybe that is just the--maybe that is just part of being human, is that you don't--do not think that your bobblehead looks like you, but I think that yours looks just like you, and I think that I look like Joe Hanson from It's Okay to be Smart.  (?-12:21) at the DFTBA warehouse.

John: To be fair, you do--you do look a little bit like Joe Hanson from It's Okay to be Smart.  

Hank: Yeah, even when I'm not a bobblehead.  

John: Yeah, even the non-bobblehead form has its certain resemblance to it.  Um, can you stop walking around so much?

Hank: (?-12:36)

John: Many people are complaining about it.

Hank: Does it make them ill?

John: It's making everyone ill.

Hank: Can I go slower?

John: Could you just sit?

Hank: Well, no, I'm sort of in a cavernous area that is not interesting.

John: Could you go back to your--could you go back to your sweet um--

Hank: A long way away, but I can.  

John: Alright.  "What signed DFTBA poster do you think I should get?" asks Grace.  I don't know, maybe we should ask Katie, she's the one who has to live with them every day.  

Hank: Are you looking for questions?

John: Yeah.  I don't know why it keeps going back and forth between us, regardless of whether one person is talking.  I think part of what's so nauseating for viewers, the vast majority of whom have left because of the nauseation, it might be that it's going back and forth so much, but anyway, hello, friends.  We are now looking at your comments and Grace has asked what signed DFTBA poster do you think I should get, and I think we should ask Katie, because she's the one who knows the most about that subject.  

Hank: Okay, I think I've clicked on you so it should stop going back and forth and maybe that will present--prevent nausea.

John: Okay.

Hank: But uh, so let's--now I have to get that thing--shoot, this is a small computer.  

Hank: Hey Katie?

Katie: What?

Hank: What poster is the best poster?

John: Signed.  Signed poster.  

Hank: Which signed poster is the best poster?

Katie: Um, the ones that say Don't Forget to be Awesome.

John: Alright, so there you have it, the one that says Don't Forget to be Awesome.  It has the extra bonus, Hank, of being signed by both of us.  

Hank: It's true.  There aren't a lot that are signed by both of us right now. 

John: Oh really?

Hank: Uh, yeah, here are those ones.  

John: I signed 1200 of them.  I did my part.

Hank: No, no, no.  No, I just mean that there aren't a lot of posters.  Not of those posters, but there's only that one poster that we both signed.

John: Oh, yeah, exactly.  Yes, exactly.  There's lots of iterations, like, there's lots of--yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you, I'm sorry.

Hank: Yeah.  There's a bunch that just you've signed, and a bunch that just I've signed, like, I have signed this one and you signed a lot of quote-y posters like this one here.  But I--yeah.  We're not both on a lot of posters, 'cause we're not both in the same place.  

John: Rachel says, "Should I get your bobblehead?"  The clear answer to that is an overwhelming yes.  The nice thing is that if you get my bobblehead, Hank's bobblehead comes free as a bonus.  

Hank: Uh, we have this beautiful artwork of Pluto.

John: Pluto?!

Hank: Yeah.  (?-15:26)

John: That is pretty great.  

Hank: And everybody's workin'.  This is maybe the most people we've ever had working in the warehouse at once.  Probably not.  Probably--

John: (?-15:41) asks a vitally important question, "Why is shipping so expensive?"  

Hank: Um, well, it depends on where you live, but mostly shipping is expensive because it's a complicated and energy-intensive task to get something from one place to another in the world.  

John: Yeah, so Hank and I sort of think, like, shipping is expensive because shipping is expensive.  Like, companies like Amazon can and do lose lots and lots and lots of money on shipping because, you know, they don't need to make money.  

Which is why Amazon, despite selling a gajillion dollars of stuff every year almost never posts a profit, but like, we have to like, actually make money, because we have all those people to pay, and we can't rely on like, shareholders belief that someday we will make it work in quite the same way, so our shipping costs reflect the reality of shipping.  Is that accurate, Hank?

Hank: Yeah, in fact, when I go to a lot of other websites, I see shipping costs that I know are inflated, like, they're intentionally, like, they charge more for shipping because that is just part of their profit, and it is part of how they make money is to charge a little markup on shipping, and we don't do that, but it is still a lot more expensive than Amazon, and there's a lot of different reasons why Amazon's shipping is cheaper. They have, you know, obviously a lot of leverage with the people who handle shipping for them.  They can say, like, hey, if you don't--

John: We can't bully UPS in quite the same way. I have to go get a charge cord Hank, I'll be right back.

Hank: OK. "When will Jurassic Mars be available?" Do you mean the movie or the movie poster? Cuz the movie poster is something we could potentially do, but the movie itself... (tape noises) maybe is a little out of our expertise areas, you know what I mean?

I love pineapples, by the way. Someone asked if I like pineapples. "Who's the genius who came up with the Pisa shirt?" I can introduce you to him. He was on te livestream just a moment ago, his name is Keynan (?) and he is our DFTBA warehouse manager. HE is in charge of the logistics of the floor, making sure all of this stuff works and everybody comes to work and does job and these big stacks of item get where they need to go.

And the first thing they all do, everything here is it goes to Salt Lake City. So if you want to ship something from Missoula to Missoula- which every time I order something is what happens- it goes to Salt Lake City first, because that is the weirdness of logistics.

Uh... you can demand Hanksock, but you can't have Hanksock, because he is at my house and I am at the warehouse. So I'm sorry about that.

"Do you have more stickers?" "my mic has gone FUZZY!?" I don't know...

John: Your mic is super fuzzy.

Hank: My mic is fuzzy?

John: The fuzziest of the fuzzies.

Hank: I didn't do anything.

John: No, it's been fuzzy the whole time. It's distracting. It's OK, you're not a bad person, you just have a bad internal microphone. So let's also answer some questions... from Twitter, maybe?

Hank: Um, I have this thing that's quite cool. It's an app that plugs into our store and it buzzes every time someone orders something, which I just think is remarkable.

John: oooh. What did someone just order?

Hank: Well let's see. Kevin... No, that's not Kevin.

John: OK, if you want to ask me a question by the way you can do so on Twitter using the hashtag DFTBAFriday.

Hank: Kevin just ordered four lip balms from Rhett and Link and a mug and some beard oil.

John: I think people are going to be very excited about their lip balm.

Hank: Mary just ordered a signed Don't Forget to be Aswesome poster, the one that we just suggested on the stream,

So maybe Mary is here right now listening to us. 

John: Thank you, Mary, I hope that you like your poster.  I remember signing it on my treadmill desk a couple of weeks ago, it was fun.  It was a fun afternoon on my treadmill desk signing posters.  I also signed some books.  I also wanted to say, yeah, so if you go to DFTBA.com, you can also support maybe, there's a--the whole way that DFTBA.com is set up is to be as supportive toward artists as possible to be sort of an artist-focused company, so you can find lots of YouTubers you like there, from Hannah Hart and Grace Helbig to Glozell Green to WheezyWaiter.

Hank: CGPGrey.

John: CGPGrey, yeah, so there's a lot of YouTubers there who you can go and find merch that they sell, and this is, you know, and this is kind of a direct way to support them.  Like, they get most of the proceeds from the sale, that's kind of how the company is set up, so um, yeah, so go check it out, don't just check out our stuff, although, obviously, the ThoughtBubbles, I mean, the bobbleheads are the best.  

Hank: Thoughtbubbles?

John: I don't know.  I'm always thinking about ThoughtBubble.  Everything else is good too.  Okay, (?-21:21) asks, "Can we preorder the book you're writing?"  Well, you can, but I mean, it would be paying me for work that I might not do for you for two years.  Um, I feel that it is a bit early to preorder the book, since I don't really know what it's about, but I am, you know, I have made some substantial progress in the last couple months.  I was sidelined a little bit with my illness and my mental health problems but I'm feeling a lot better, and yeah, I think I'm about 20--I think I have about 20,000 words I like, or 20,000 words that I like as a first draft, but that still puts me at least a year away from being finished, so just...sorry that you have to be patient, but I am writing.  

Hank: I really like seeing the orders that come in for, like, that have a bunch of different things from a bunch of different people, because it makes me feel like it's very--it totally works as a thing, like, that there are all these people who have different interests, but sort of the same interests as me.  (?-22:33) an order that had Harry Potter Alliance merch, Charlie merch, DFTBA merch, Molly Lewis.

John: I love Molly Lewis.

Hank: (?-22:41) Molly Lewis stuff anymore, but that's in there.  Jetpack Unicorn, LeakyCon, Rhett and Link, Hannah Hart, and It's Okay to be Smart all in one order.

John: Wow.  That person has, like, all of my YouTube fandoms.

Hank: Yeah, I know.  

(?-22:55)

John: Hank, this is a relevant question given that time that you tricked me into a Question Tuesday about goats.  What are your opinions on baby goats?

Hank: Super in favor of baby goats.  I once watched a goat give birth to a baby goat, and that was a little much.  

John: (?-23:14) giving birth to a baby goat.  

Hank: Yeah, uh-huh.  It was, you know, I think that birth is a beautiful thing, but also awful and disgusting.  

John: You've written so many songs, but for some reason, the one that comes into my mind most often is "It was a boat giving birth to a baby boat."  (?-23:36)

Hank: You know, I was thinking earlier today, John, that if we gave you singing lessons--

John: Yeah.

Hank: That might--you might--you might be able to sing.  

John: Well, let's not get a--wait, were you trying to imply that I just did a good job of singing the baby goat song?  

Hank: No.

John: Oh.  Dammit.  

Hank: I feel like it's there, I feel like it just needs some training.  

John: No, I think I'm a great singer already.  How many people have already ordered an Oh My God, It's Burning shirt?  Not that many.  I don't--I mean, I think the best part of that shirt is illegible in pictures of the shirt, which I think is maybe a problem with the design of the shirt.  The best part about the shirt to me, by far, there is now Dear Hank and John merch in the form of this one t-shirt that Hank made, and the best part of the shirt by far to me is when it says, "Oh my God, It's Burning, Dear Hank and John, a Comedy Podcast about Death."  That's funny.  "A Comedy Podcast about Death" is funny, but you can't even see that it's on the shirt.  So, Hank, I don't like to criticize your designs, because I can't design anything at all, but I wish that we could have read, "It's a Comedy Podcast about Death" on the shirt.  

Hank: Well, you can read it when it's--once you get it.  

John: Okay.  Well, there you go.  Once you get it, it'll look great on your body.

Hank: Yeah.  It's way more (?-25:01)

John: Oh, this is a good question from Allison, "How come there seems to be a lack of Abundance of Katherines merch?  It's my favorite book of yours."  Thanks, Allison, you and me and nobody else.  Um, you and me and my friend Shawn, yesterday, I ran a 5 mile race because my friend Shawn and my friend Chris, and Shawn, again, he was like, he was like, you know, man, I read--I've read all your books now, like, I just read Will Grayson, Will Grayson and I really liked it, but just nothing comes close to An Abundance of Katherines for me, and uh, the reason there isn't much An Abundance of Katherines merch is frankly that that book has relatively so few readers, but maybe we should do some anyway.  I--to be honest with you, Allison, we've never really had a sustained kind of like, thoughtful systematic approach to this stuff, like, we mostly make t-shirts when they amuse us, and that--or posters or whatever, or co--or we find designers in Nerdfighteria who are making great stuff and we wanna be--we want them to be able to make money from it, so yeah.  That's why.

There's--the answer is that there's no good reasoning, except that we're disorganized, and maybe like, the fan art that's come out of the world of An Abundance of Katherines hasn't been as good as the fan art that came out of Paper Towns and Alaska and The Fault in our Stars.  

Hank: I uh--we have sold, in the last week, over 1,500 Rhett and Link mugs, John.  

John: That is amazing.  Well, I like to drink my coffee from a Rhett and Link mug.  I use the Rhett and Link mug, and I also frequently use the CGPGrey mug.  

Hank: Mhmm, that one is also good.  

John: Oh, it's a great mug.  Um, really high quality mug.  Somebody just asked, this is from Denver, "Hank, was John drunk in your last video collab?"

Hank: No.  I don't think you were.  Were you?

John: Eh.  

Hank: We were really tired.  

John: I think I was mostly tired, but I'd had a few drinks.  

Hank: I had not.  

John: No, Hank doesn't drink, so he couldn't have been drunk, because he doesn't--he can't drink anymore.  But I don't--I'd had like a few drinks at the Save the Children gala to try to steel myself to get up and give our little talk, but uh, no, I don't think I was drunk, I think we were just really tired and goofing off and having fun together.  

Hank: I have news, John.  So far, we have sold six Oh My God, It's Burning shirts.  

John: Okay.  Well.  Maybe we should quit our dayjobs and become full-time podcasters.  

Hank: It is selling less well than pretty much all of our shirts.  

John: Well.  I mean.  Again, I don't think it's a function of people not liking the podcast, I think it might be a function of people not loving the design.  

Hank: I think the design is great.

John: Okay, well, I'm glad that you--you're--as long as you're happy with the design so you can wear it on your body, then we all win.

Uh, this is a question from Fabian, who asks, "When are you gonna ship out the Pizzamas stuff?  I can't wait to have John on my chest."  

Hank: Um, those will go out probably... I could ask Dave right now, and--

John: Ask Dave right now!

Hank: Okay.  I'll ask Dave right now.

John: Dave. Dave is the person-- sort of the point person in Missoula for all things DFTBA, and when you--by working with DFTBA, and when you are working with DFTBA one way or another you are working with Dave, and he has been--he's just been an amazing warehouse manager and all around great guy to work with.  He's--

Hank: Do you know when the Pizzamas shirts are gonna ship out? 

Dave: About the 10th.

Hank: Of December?

Dave: Yeah.  9th or 10th together.

Hank: They'll go ahead and start going out.

Dave: Yeah, but they'll all go out like a day.

Hank: They'll all go out that day?

John: They don't get printed until the end of Pizzamas.

Hank: Yeah yeah yeah, they're being printed right now.

Dave: Yeah.

John: By the way, lookit, Dave's wearing a great DFTBA beanie.

Dave: It's available.

John: 20% off right now! Black Friday, DFTBA.com.

Dave: (?)

Hank: Is it cold? It's not that cold in here.

John: I was just complimenting Dave, I didn't realize that he was listening to me complimenting him, now I feel weird about it.

Hank: We didn't hear you.

John: I was just complimenting Dave, and now I feel weird about him hearing me compliment him.

Dave: OK. It's a really warm hat on a really cold day cuz it's like--

John: Well thank you for keeping the lights on there Dave, we appreciate it.

Oh, I'm answering questions in the hashtag DFTBAFriday.

Hank: Dave's office.

John: What's that?

Hank: I'm going into Dave's office cuz it's quiet.

John: And you can go to DFTBA.com anytime you want, and everything is 20% off today and all weekend. I have a mixed-- I don't know about you Hank but now that we're quiet I have mixed feelings, just you and pictures of Dave's children.

I have mixed feelings about Black Friday in general, and more generally, I have mixed feelings about the um, the like, retail energy that surrounds the fourth quarter in the United States, but on the other hand, I don't know, I've just been--I've been trying to sort through how I feel about all this stuff, like, it's one of those things that I'd like to make a video about, but I'm not even close to the point where I know what I want to say enough to make a video.  But I think it's weird that we, like, you and I sort of enjoy this kind of privilege where we're able to criticize something and benefit from it, which is a privilege that lots of people don't enjoy, and that's what I've been thinking about.  

Hank: Dave has an exercise bike in his office, and now I am on it, using it.  

John: Hank wasn't listening to me at all.  So.  (mumbles)

Hank: No, I have that same--so I think that there are a lot of problems with capitalism, and I think that gift-giving isn't really one of them.  I think that it--

John: Well, no, like, gift-giving is an anti-capitalist thing in a lot of ways, because like, the market would tell you that like, gift-giving is extremely inefficient, right?  Because, like, in an efficient market, your sibling would just tell you what they wanted, and then you would get it for them, or not, depending on whether you felt that it was an economically smart, intelligent thing to invest in.  

Hank: Right, I--

John: One of the things that I like about the world as it actually is is that it does not function like a market.  

Hank: Yeah.  Yes.  But my--yeah, so, my--there's this weird thing about Black Friday that I've realized, and about--and so maybe even about Christmas, which is now that I own a business that sells physical goods, if you have, like, like, the more you can sell at the end of the year, the better, because if you hold on to the products, it gets complicated with regard to taxes, so you have to pay taxes on the stuff that you own, not just--on all your--you pay taxes on all of your assets, not just your money.  

John: Yeah.

Hank: So we have these assets in the warehouse that never sell or yeah, particularly the assets that might never sell, you have to pay taxes on their value, whether or not you sell them.  And so there is this strong, like, fourth quarter impulse and--

John: Right.

Hank: --to actually, like, divest yourself of things as a business.

John: Yeah, it's weird, like, this is one of the results, like, almost all politicians across the board want the US Corporate Tax to be lower, and I used to think that that was like, a sellout to corporations, but now I actually think that it's--it's like, other countries do that so that companies can kind of like, calculate their taxes differently so there's less pressure on you at the end of the year, like, we can't--for instance, with CrashCourse, a huge frustration is that we can't carry money over in CrashCourse, over into the next year to fund like, next year's shows, or to grow next year's shows, without paying, you know, 40% tax on all that income.  Now, we could become a non-profit, and that would end that problem, but then it creates a whole bunch of different problems, because you have these layers of bureaucracy and you have, you know, all these different things that you have to set up, and you've gotta do these quarterly reports, and in the end, like, it turns out to be exactly just as expensive or maybe more expensive, and yeah, I don't know.  

(?-33:44)

John: Sorry, I don't know how that happened, I apologize, it's over now.  Um, yeah.

Hank: At least it happened while you were talking, not while I was talking, so it's clear that you (?-34:03)

Hank: You were not paying attention to me.  

John: Right.  Um.  Yeah.  So, I don't know what to think of it.  I am on the whole, like, trying to be in this, like, trying to be like, good, like, take good care of DFTBA and especially of CrashCourse and SciShow is a really interesting challenge.  

Hank: Yeah.  It seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know, John.  

John: I really have, like, lately, I have become most suspicious of certainty.  Lately, lately, it is the people who are the most certain that I feel the least certain about, you know what I mean?  Like, there are some things that I feel like it's okay to be certain about, but lots of times, especially with politicians, when they seem so sure that there's just the one way forward, and it's this way, I'm always just like, but maybe not, I mean, that's the crazy thing, right, you know, like, we can't predict the future.  We're playing odds, it's nuts.  Anyway.  I want to ask--

Hank: (?35:11) Internet reception, which is not the case.  

Dave: The modem's right here.

Hank: It's right there!  (?-35:15)

John: Hank, can we answer a few more questions?

Hank: Um, there's a lot of people in the comments right now talking about having Nerdfighter meetups at 21 Pilots concerts, and I'm totally excited and in faovr of that.  (?-35:27)

Hank: I don't think that we can do 21 Pilots merch, I think they're probably set on merch.  

John: Yeah, they might be a little bit past our league.  

Hank: Yeah, where we are at.

John: I have a question I want to answer.  

Hank: Yes.

John: Um, it's--I'm following the #DFTBAFriday on the Twitter, and someone says, "Do you have any transgender book recommendations?"  Avery says that.  I read a book this year that is technically for kids, but I loved, loved, loved about a transgender kid named George and the book is written by a person who is outside the gender binary and has a lot of, you know, personal experience with this and I thought it was just brilliant, like, it would make my top 10 books I read this year list, and it would probably be the only like, book, for like, kids, not like YA book, but book for like, you know, like, middle school kids or even late elementary school kids, that would make that list, 'cause I just don't read that much of that stuff, but I loved it.

I thought it was amazing, so I highly recommend George, I've been recommending it for months, but I still--I really think it's a great read.  Um, now we'll go back to answering other questions, but I--oh, I should do a book recommendation video like I did last year, where I recommended holiday books.

Hank: That's a good idea.  It's that time again.

John: I could recommend George.  

Hank: Among others.

John: Yes, probably as well other books.  Plus, I've been thinking that it's time to recommend Harry Potter, because there's a whole generation of Nerdfighters who probably only know Harry Potter because of the movies.  

Hank: Oh wow, that's terrifying.  

John: Hilary asks, "Is there any news on fishing boat proceeds?"  Well, my--if you're asking about my Tumblr, my social media hiatus is continuing, and I think even after my social media hiatus ends, my Tumblr hiatus might continue, just because I don't think Rosianna's gonna give me the password to my Tumblr back.  Maybe if I deliver a finished manuscript I can have it back, but I kind of suspect not.  As far as actual fishing boat proceeds, Hank, I've been thinking a lot that one of the things--one of the ways that we could solve this big tax problem that--and everything, is invest in a fishing boat.

(?-37:56)

Hank: What, John?  You were solving the fishing boats proceeds problems? 

John: You weren't listening.  I'm hurt.  

Hank: Well, I had to leave the office, um, and then I met Jessie.  

John: Well, I'm deeply hurt.  

Hank: I'm sorry, John.  

John: You know what, I don't even think people should go to DFTBA.com and get 20% off all weekend.  I don't even think it's worth it anymore.  Forget it.  

Hank: You were talking about fishing boat proceeds.

John: I think one of the ways we could get around our tax problems and having everything (?-38:32) is to buy a fishing boat, Hank.  I think we should buy a boat.

Hank: We should buy a boat.  

John: Right, yeah, I mean, I just...it seems like a good investment, you know?  Like, I look at boats, and they seem like they would appreciate in value, I'm not sure, but that's my suspicion.

Hank: That's what they all say.  They say that the best days of your life are the ones in between when you buy and sell your boat.  

John: That's what they always say, it's the best while you own the boat, is when you're happiest.  Um, alright, I have to go soon, because I have to--oh, look at that Rhett and Link hoodie!  I have to go soon, because I have to go take care of my children who are awaking from their naps.  Henry and I saw The Good Dinosaur today.  Henry's review: "Pretty scary and sad."  My review: "Pretty scary and sad."  

Hank: I don't know anything about that.

John: It's that new Pixar movie.  Uh, Princess Erin asks, "John, thoughts on writing a book on the history of early Islamic culture?  I'd love a history book from you, especially on this subject." I am not nearly enough of an expert to write a book on that, but fortunately, there are several good ones that I am happy to recommend, beginning, I think the best introduction to Islamic history and it also touches a lot on contemporary Islamic practice is by Reza Aslan, No God but God.  It is not a long book, it is not difficult to read, and it is a wonderful introduction. 

Now, obviously, like, it doesn't contain everything like from there, there's lots of other places to go, but I think Reza Aslan's history is magnificent and it's broad, but it's specific enough, and really gives you an introduction to sort of the foundations of Islam.  I really like that book.  (?-40:26) do a book recommendation video, maybe I will.  Um, "Why did Rosianna take away your Tumblr password?"  Well, I think for the obvious reasons, if you've been on Tumblr, but also because it is a time suck.  

Hank: Yeah.  We have a new artist, John.  

John: Who?

Hank: These are from Extra Credits, which is a YouTube channel.

John: Oh, yeah, Extra Credits!

(?-40:46) 

John: Yeah!

Hank: Yeah.

John: Don't they also have a plushie?

Hank: They do have a plushie.

John: I love that Because Games Matter shirt, though, I think it's so cool.

Hank: This is a--this is one that I designed that I was really excited about that no one else is interested in.  

John: Yeah.

Hank: So that's uh--just--you know.  It's basically just for me.  It's my sh--you know, I wear this one.  

John: Like your Dear Hank and John shirt.  

Hank: It's the nice thing about owning a merch company, is that if you want a shirt, you can just make it, and it never sells.  

John: What's the--what's the Star Wars one behind you?

Hank: Star Wars?  

John: What's the Star Wars behind you?

Hank: Oh, yeah, I don't know what that is.

John: Up there at the top.  That looks cool.  All these shirts, by the way, are 20% off.  

Hank: It's Library Bards, All About that Space.  

John: I really like Library Bards.  They're very funny.  I love libraries and I love librarians, and I love the people who make beautiful things for libraries and librarians.  Are there any other shirts that you want to show us?  Maybe you should just host the livestream after I have to leave.  

Hank: I'm--it's uh--I have to be careful when I take stuff off the shelf and put it back--

John: We can't hear you because--we can't hear you when you talk and walk.

Hank: That's weird.  I just have to be careful when I am looking at shirts because if you put them back on the wrong stack, you could get the sizes mixed up, and somebody gets the wrong shirt, and you don't want that to happen.  

John: Right.  Big trouble.  No.  Very important to stack properly.  So are you gonna hang around and pack some boxes?  

Hank: Um, probably not.  

John: Or find some posters?  What are you doing this afternoon?

Hank: Uhh, I have to go appreciate my wife.  

John: Oh.  That's a good job.  

Hank: It's been a really busy couple of weeks, and sometimes I feel like, you know, she's never really seems like she is dissatisfied, but I wanna make sure that we spend time together and such.

John: It is important.  A marriage is like a Winnebago, you have to spend time in it, otherwise it gets sad and neglected, and then (?-43:07)

Hank: It starts to smell bad.

John: It gets moldy.  Yep.

Hank: And then you have to sell it to somebody else.  

John: Well, I am, uh, I am still trying to figure out if I can get to Missoula for the Project for Awesome, which will be great, because then we can (?-43:23) Project for Awesome perks live.  The other great thing about DFTBA.com is that it allows us to run the Project for Awesome every year, because it gives us this built in infrastructure that we can use to do very easy and quick perk fulfillment, so--

Hank: Yes, DFTBA fulfills quite a few perks.

John: (?-43:38)

Hank: Which is very nice of it.

John: Everybody donates their time of making those boxes and packing them up for the many thousands of things that happen every year with the Project for Awesome, and we cannot say how much we appreciate that, 'cause it allows us to be a zero overhead charity, which is exa--which is what we need and want to be, but in the meantime, before December 11th, we've still got lots of great stuff.  What is behind you, what is that shirt?  Is that Dora the Explorer?

Hank: There's so many shirts all over everywhere.  This is a Glozell Green shirt.

John: Oh, it's Glozell!  

John: We've still got lots of great stuff. (To Hank) What is behind you? What is that shirt? Is that Dora the Explorer?

Hank: Well, there's so many shirts all over everywhere. This is a GloZell Green shirt.

John: Oh, it's GloZell!

Hank: Yeah. 

John: Woah, it's GloZell!

Hank: (laughs)

John: Good shirt.

And we're gonna have some questions.  Hanklerfish mug?  I don't know.  I've never even thought about that, but I don't hate the idea.  What I'd like to do, it'd be cool to have a Hanklerfish mug that is printed all the way around and with the Hanklerfish, just a bunch of Hanklerfish, that could be fun.  Can you kiss my signed poster?  I don't know which one's going to you, I could kiss one of them, but it wouldn't go--it would be very unlikely that it would go to you.  You never really know.  Opinions on trains?  I'm really in favor of trains.  I think that they're great.  I'm reading a book about trains right now.  Kind of.  It's about--it's a fictional book about fictional trains in a fictional fantasy world, but it's good.  There are so many--they're coming in so fast now.  How about socks with Hanksock on them?  It's--I'm so glad that there is a resurgence in interest in Hanksock.  He's been around for a long time, and I--I really like him a lot.  We're good friends.  And I hope that we are able to--he's able to have his own fandom.  In fact, I'd really like for Hanksock to get his own YouTube channel.  It's just that Hanksock is real, you know, he's got a lot going on with his life, and I don't know that he has time to do it, but I'll talk to him about it.  Somebody asked me what my favorite 21 Pilots song is.  My first song that I heard that was what got me really excited about them was Ride, it's real good.  But they have a lot of real good songs, so I'm very, I'm new to this particular fandom, so I don't know that I should make a call yet, I haven't listened to any whole albums, I've mostly listened to the hits.  Ohh, the heater just turned off.  Have I thought about using Periscope?  Um, where's my phone?  That's terrifying.  It must be in my jacket pocket.  No?  Where did I put it?  It's probably in Dave's office.  A viewer asking about Hant.  Hant also has his own life, and I don't really know him very well.  

So, so Hant is...oh, people are really excited about Persicope.  I didn't know people were excited about Periscope at all.  I just thought that--look at that.  What are your opinions of Periscope, people?  Now I have to sit here and wait until you answer my question.  What is Periscope?  Gilbahrt doesn't have any merch either.  So.  Please explain Hant.  I can't explain Hant, Hant has nothing to do with me, it's just a thing that happened that I think is fun, but I do not know anything about.  My gosh, it's going too fast, it's going too fast.  People don't know what Periscope is is what I'm getting.  Somebody just asked what they should buy from DFTBA.com.  I think you should bu--you should go and you should see--find the thing that you want and if you don't want anything, don't buy anything.  I'm not gonna make you buy something.  Okay.  This is a technological innovation that's very exciting, these tape guns make life much easier.  Just get you right over there.  Probably shouldn't be there.  They get lost easily.  Treat area.  We've got good breakfast.  Lot of mugs.  We do not have any shortage of mugs.  You rollin'?

Dave: What?

Hank: You rollin'?  Goin' through?  What are you working on?

Dave: Just counting play stuff for all our new place. (?-49:45)

Hank: Oh yeah?

Dave: Yeah.  (?-49:50)  

Hank: How many people are working in the warehouse this season?

Dave: Probably 15.

Hank: But we have- we have- you've got to have (?~52:07) enough people to have people come in. 

Dave: Yeah we have Timmy hired to help us the...

Hank: Yeah. Right we get like two temps at a time. That was different, yeah. What changed? Rhett and Link? A bunch of stuff?

Dave: Rhett and Link? You guys sell more stuff now.

Hank: It's just gotten bigger.

Dave: Hannah?

Hank: Yeah, Hannah. 

Dave: Now we have someone in Los Angeles.

Hank: Yeah, that's true. We also, like, we have one person who's not- technically who's not here in (?~52:36) who is our CEO who runs the- theoretically runs the whole company, um. We're pretty hands-off here, I think a lot of times. Like, she doesn't need to do a ton for us. But, uh, Joe is- basically is just constantly trying to get new people to sign up and use- use the thing. Do the thing. 

Dave: She's doing great. Extra Credits, ARK the new video game. 

Hank: Yeah we're selling merch for ARK the- the Steam game which I'm really excited to actually play. I've only watched the trailer so far.

Dave: That's cool. 

Hank: But who has time for things?

Dave: Yeah. It goes out. 

Hank: This is not what you trained for. Dave and I went to school together. We are neither of us doing what we trained for. 

Dave: No. No, but...

Hank: Yeah. 

Dave: It all works out. 

Hank: Yeah. You also have a farm, so. 

Dave: Yes, but that's (?~53:35)

Hank: Yeah, I- well my gardener has a farm too. Everyone has their day job and then their farm at home. 

Dave: Yeah that's not fair (?~53:41)

Hank: Yeah. Okay, any- what else? 

Dave: What happened to John by the way? 

Hank: Somebody wants to know if I can cosign on their loan. Dave you do that. 

Dave: Probably- (laughing) Probably a bad idea. 

Hank: I don't know anything about Undertale.  What are Steam games?  

Dave: I didn't know what Steam was as well--

Hank: Okay.

Dave: --two days ago.

Hank: Okay.  Yeah, Steam is a platform you can buy and download games for your computer on.  It's like the App Store, except it's on your computer and...

Dave: You can buy a game through DFTBA right now.

Hank: You can buy it through DF--oh.

Dave: Yeah, we have download codes just so you know. 

Hank: Huh, okay.

Dave: Yeah.

Hank: Do you get one if you buy some merch?  Or is it just--

Dave: You can bundle it with the merch, yeah.  

Hank: Okay.

Dave: It's $14 today or something.  It's really cheap.  

Hank: $14?  Alright.

Dave: Yeah.  When you buy something else.

Hank: So do you see my phone?  I don't know where I put it.  This is a disaster, potentially a disaster.  This is not--

Dave: It's probably on the couch.  

Hank: I lost my phone in the old warehouse one time.  This would be a different problem.  

Dave: I bet it's on the couch.  

Hank: It's probably on the couch.  It might be in my coat. But I- 

Dave: Just buzzing incessantly from one of the orders. 

Hank: A Hanklerfish shaped mug?  Oh, that's just crazy.  

Dave: So people know the podcast merch?

Hank: Yeah, we've mentioned the podcast merch, and how we've sold six shirts so far. 

Dave: We need to sell more than that. 
Hank: We need to sell more than that. How many did we-

Dave: Did we mention the DFTBA Tote Bag?

Hank: No.  There's a DFTBA Tote Bag.  I haven't even--do we have it? 

Dave: Yeah you want to see it?  

Hank: Yeah, yeah, let's see it.  Here we go.  Hi.  

Dave: Great, this is Joe's ide- Joe's- Joe was really pushing this. 

Hank: Oh, nice.  Oh, these are cool.

Dave: I know, right?

Hank: Those are, yeah. 
Dave: Those are like high quality. 
Hank: Yeah. It's so hard to tell because, like, every time I go to a conference I get like a crappy tote bag, and...
Dave: These are not crappy.
Hank: These are not crappy. Though it would be hard to tell on picture. Yeah. We've got tote bags. 

Except for the ladies' sizes, yes, but it will say ladies' shirt if you are buying a ladies' shirts.  No, you need a spherical card.  That's the future.  That's the future.  It's basically just a bouncy ball.  A spherical card.  I like it.  No edge ball.  We actually did have no edge kickballs for a while.  I think that was a Project for Awesome perk one year.  So it's a thing we've already done, kind of.  Please sit somewhere else, the duct tape sound hurts.  That is omnipresent in the warehouse.  There will always be taping, it will never stop.  If that is not a sound you like, you should not work in a warehouse.  How's the weather?  It's cold.  Here's the door to the outside.  There it is out there.  And now, oof, oof, I just got blasted in the face with 10 degree air.  Whoof.  Yeah.  Yeah.  These are nice.  I wanna pack 'em up.  Please do Crash Course Physics.  We will do our best to do that.  I think that I may have let it slip recently that in fact, we will probably almost certainly do that.  I got my fingers crossed.  How is Katherine?  She's good, she's at home by herself, so I should probably go there, since it's holiday time, if I can.  You like my hair better?  Well, I like everybody's hair equally.  Equal hair rights.  Okay.  CrashCourse Religion is another thing that we would like to do but do not currently have in the plans.  

How's my book going?  Well.  I--not good.  And I hopefully will--hopefully will work on that.  Maybe even today, though I could also work on putting up a new Games with Hank.  I don't know which one people would prefer.  Obviously the Games with Hank would be available sooner.  Not now.  As opposed to like, a year from now, which is the soonest the book would be ready, even if I worked on it a lot starting right now.  Yeah, there's lots of Lizzie Bennet stuff here in the warehouse, I don't know if that's what you meant by Lizzie Bennet stuff (?-1:06:40)

but I saw somebody bought a DVD earlier today.  People prefer me working on Games with Hank, so that is what I will do, I will go home and I will edit an episode of Games with Hank for you guys, it will be online next week.  Maybe I'll even do more than one.  Maybe I will even do more than one.  This one is a--ooh!  Mikey from Germany got a Hank Green flash drive, thank you for that, two patches, and transgender Deathly Hallows lapel pin from Jackson Bird.  Ooh.  And also a Sexplanations hoodie.  Wow, that's quite an order.  I just love that I can look at what people are ordering.  Got an order from Randall who got a bobblehead Hank and John bobblehead set and a signed Don't Forget to be Awesome poster.  Thank you, Randall.  Johann just got some lipbalm, some beard oil (?-1:07:38), we've got a Rhett and Link Good Mythical Hoodie, sending that to Kate.  Hopefully soon.  Oh, oh my gosh, there's so many sales, they come in so fast.  Got one from Kara, who got a Dear Hank and John shirt!  Oh my God, It's Burning shirt!  And also a Hank Green flashdrive.